3 girls sharing a room, middle child is a nightmare

[Mumto3girls2016]

Hey first time poster, I have 3 girls who share a room as we live in a 2 bedroom house. Triple bunk bed ages 5,8 and 9 and a half. 8 year old a nightmare at bedtimes kicks bangs refuses to sleep keeping 5 year old and 9 year old awake. Then when told off says I don’t love her and don’t care about her. At my wits end and have to just walk away before losing it … any suggestions for a smoother bedtime routine for 8 yr old, … 5 year old & 9 year old has no issues going to sleep and is good as gold,x

my friend was in a similar situation (2 bed house with 2 kids who fought) and now her and her partner sleep on a sofa bed in the lounge and they’ve separated the 2 kids they have a room each she said it’s a game changer.
3 kids in a room is a lot. Everyone needs their own space a bit. I’d consider a sofa bed.

3 kids in one room is not sustainable. You need to move

Thanks for your reply, too add my 5 year old gets in my bed most nights and I don’t think it’s an issue of the sharing of rooms as they all get on it’s just bed times with my middle child who seems to mess about for hours banging and being silly… even if she had her own room she would still do the same xx we could sleep downstairs but then it would still leave only 2 rooms for 3 of them and I think giving my 8 year old her own room would be a reward and making her sisters share x

Unfortunately that’s not an option as I live in my mum and dad’s house which will eventually be mine, house prices to rent by me in Coventry are £1500 a month for a 3 bed and I only work part time. I grew up sharing with siblings and I know lots of others that do so, but thanks for your input x

It's really tough being a middle child. Especially being the middle of 3 girls. Acting out here is a symptom of deeply unmet needs that she has no vocabulary for expressing and probably won't be able to articulate effectively until she manages to find herself a good psychotherapist in about 25 years time. The oldest and youngest naturally get on better with eachother, that's just how it is.

You need to remodel the sleeping spaces. What are the dimensions of the two bedrooms? If you can share a floorplan I would be happy to try to work out a feasible plan.

What time are they going to bed? Is she actually tired? Over tired? Do you have a good night time routine, winding down etc? Does she get to spend enough one on one time with you? Is she scared of the dark? Just thinking of things that it could be.

Thank you for your reply I’ll draw out the upstairs plan and post x

Fucking hell. Do you feel better now?

One kid should not be allowed to set the mood for the others . I would come down really hard on this OP . Is there a reason she gives for this and do they all go at the same time ?

Children sharing bedrooms isn't a terrible hardship . This is the reality of their living situation . Same sex too . It is only recently that the need for seperate bedrooms became a thing .

This is the upstairs x

She might be the one who has problems sleeping with (minor) disturbance from the other two.

Is five year old asleep when she goes in or do they go at the same time? I would try to have five year old asleep earlier.

I babysat for a family with a similar problem, and they solved it by putting the child to bed in her parents' bed and moving her later. Might or might not work, but might be worth trying to see if she drops off on her own.

Triple bunk might not be the best plan - is it a single above a double? That's a lot of closeness and stimulation.

I shared with two sisters at different times as a child and it was okay, but my parents tried different configurations to make that work. Unless you can divide a room I think you should seriously consider using space downstairs. Good luck.

I know right! Bit extreme! I thought this was a friendly helpful site! X

At those sizes, if you are in the house long term, I would look at investing in a really good adaptation of downstairs space, assuming there's no adaptable loft or garage. Try to get a good Murphy bed, perhaps.

Thanks. I have an idea that I will sketch out and post in the morning. 3 questions:

• Do I understand correctly that you are a single mum and so the number of bodies to be accommodated in these 2 rooms is 4 not 5?
• are those wardrobes in the 2 rooms built into the fabric of the walls or can they be moved/replaced
• can you put any budget into a solution that makes things easier? What savings can you commit to this?

Can the wardrobes be moved? I’m wondering if it’s at all possible to put some kind of divide down the middle of the room? Although, if this issue is noise I’m not sure how much it would help. Do they go to bed at separate times? I wonder if the older ones could stay up maybe half an hour later than the youngest? Would it help to maybe make her feel a bit more ‘grown up’?

Unfortunately if you are a fidgety pre-sleeper, bunk beds are tough on you and the others. For some people, it's hard to go from being up and awake to lying still and serene. You could see if something like a weighted blanket helps her. So don't talk in terms of the others being good and her not being good, but have a chat when she is not in bed about how she's finding it hard to get comfortable. Is she in the middle bunk? I think I might kick and bang a bit if I were.

Your girls names are visible in that photo, you might want to get MNHQ to take down the photo and repost with it edited.

FWIW I would perhaps try those creative room divider options that people use all the time. If this is a long term issue you will need to figure out if it’s easier to separate them. Or could the 8 year old share with you for a bit?

How is your middle child at getting to sleep more generally? i’m awful and so is my eldest. I find trying to fall asleep annoying as an adult but so much worse as a kid and i had my own room so did actually get up and muck about / read.

Can she listen to an audio book? you can get headphones is head bands and eye masks now so wouldn’t disturb the others or be right in her ear all night.

Thanks all (well most) some replies are crazy, but they have always shared even before youngest came along, older 2 shared since they were born, but my middle girl Lottie, has always been disruptive at bedtimes… they all get 1-on-1 time with me, have tried taking the other 2 out and let them sleep in my bed when she kicks off but that makes it worse (feels like I’m secluding her) she is sound asleep now after an hour of kicking and banging so it’s not the sleeping arrangements I need help with more just probably a better bedtime routine. And I work 20 hours per week but have to be around for school runs as have no other help, moving isn’t an option nor do I think it’s necessary I shared with siblings all my life growing up. And as for the comment about waiting for parents to die… wow it’s a good job I’m thick skinned cause you could of seriously affected someone’s mental health by saying that.. not nice at all. I live in my parents house they own and pay rent each month cheaper than the going rate because they want to help me and my girls. I would rather live on the streets than not have my parents around. Thanks to those with the helpful advice x

That all makes sense. Can you tell us about their current bedtime routine? All together or different times? Straight to sleep with lights out, or reading / audiobook, chatting in bed? Who's in which bunk?

What is their bedtime like? Are they all going at the same time? Staggering might be better... giving each girl a bit of 1:1 before bed.

Also, from my own experience, could you get a double bunk & single bed into the room? I hate bunk beds and confined spaces- I had to share as a child with bunk beds and was never comfortable. Once we hit teenage years and had our own bed in shared room, things were a lot better.

Can you rearrange so there's a stand alone single bed and a seperate set of 2 bunk beds?

DD 9 to get the single, DD 8 top bunk, with DD5 in bottom bunk but starting the night in your bed.

I'd get 8 year old to bed 20 -30 mins earlier than 9 year old, to give her a chance to fall asleep without distraction of her sisters- or temptation to distract them.

If it's just you in the other bedroom, your 5 year old could sleep in with you for the night.