3 girls sharing a room, middle child is a nightmare

[Mumto3girls2016]

Hey first time poster, I have 3 girls who share a room as we live in a 2 bedroom house. Triple bunk bed ages 5,8 and 9 and a half. 8 year old a nightmare at bedtimes kicks bangs refuses to sleep keeping 5 year old and 9 year old awake. Then when told off says I don’t love her and don’t care about her. At my wits end and have to just walk away before losing it … any suggestions for a smoother bedtime routine for 8 yr old, … 5 year old & 9 year old has no issues going to sleep and is good as gold,x

So currently they all go to sleep at the same time around 8-9pm school nights, straight to sleep after a cuddle kiss biscuit and little chat about the next day…eldest and youngest no problem straight to sleep, middle girl messes about for an hour before eventually falling to sleep. I also have problems sleeping so she might be like me, the suggestion of an audiobook is fab thank you I will try that, x some nights are fine when she’s tired but some consist of me up and down 10x times x

Squid games came to mind

I know I am projecting because I have claustrophobia, but I started hyperventilating when I saw that bunk bed photo. I would not categorize that as plenty of space. Can the 8 year old even sit up completely?

I might put five year old in the single and 8 year old in the lower bunk - or in fact try both options for a week and see what works best. Having to hold still and quiet in the dark when you can't sleep is tough, if that's what expected, and I would really try to move the focus away from "you're disturbing your sisters" to "we need to help you settle down and be comfortable".

These look really good sized bedrooms - often with a 2 bed there’s a double and a single then bathroom but the proportions look great really.
whats the loft situation? Could you take some space from one room, making it a bit smaller, then put a staircase up and put 2 bedrooms up there and in time give them all a room? Could your parents help you at all with some renovation costs??

It’s never easy and rents are so high now. Although I get what you’re saying about rewarding bad behaviour giving in and giving the middle girl her own room - but for your own sanity a sofa bed is probably the quickest and cheapest fix I’m guessing??

Bunks are a nightmare. If any child so much as scratches their nose, the whole lot shakes. One child's natural movement might be perceived as deliberate shaking by another child who then "bangs back" in retaliation.

Can you put the middle girl in a separate bed in the same room?

As for practical solutions, my child has trouble falling asleep and being still. She is autistic. We do not require her to go to sleep. We never have. The only request is that she get in bed and gave quiet time. She is free to read as long as she wants. Most nights, she falls asleep easily, knowing she isn’t being pressured. If not, she gets in more chapters.

I had similar issues and it was my parent’s solution as well.

When I shared with two (or briefly three!) sisters we always staggered it, with bedside lights, so the youngest went to bed earlier. Do you think she needs as much sleep as her five year old sister?

I would put the middle girl on a mattress in your room and see if it helps.

I would really hesitate to describe the eight year old's behaviour as bad. She's in quite a confined space there and I would be kicking and moving around too - makes it less claustrophobic. Sleep can be difficult. Especially if she's in that middle bunk which is worst.

But your advice about the loft makes a lot of sense.

Just saw your update, that you worry about excluding middle daughter if other 2 are in your bed to get some sleep.

I don't think you should let her reaction govern where the other girls sleep. It does sound like she's being naughty at bed time rather than having fears, so a consequence isn't a bad thing.

If she wants to be in with her sisters, either in their room or yours, she needs to be quiet at night, and not keep them awake. If she complains, remind her that she can choose to be quiet, but she's choosing to keep the other two up, and that's keeping you up too, and you all need your sleep.

I think the 8 year old should stay up later than the 5 year old. You could sell it to her as in you're growing up now, I think I can trust you to be sensible at bedtime if you try so I will let you (and 9 year old stay up later) but only on the understanding that when it's time for bed, you settle down and don't disturb the little one.

Bring the 5 year old bedtime forward to 7pm and let the others have extra, quiet, winding down time.

If the issue was them sharing then I would look at a solution for that but they love the bunk beds and being together, never has anyone of them complained about sharing or being in a triple bunk or feeling claustrophobic.., if they did I would address that issue, each bed is a single and plenty of room to sit up, I know as I have slept in them when my youngest wouldn’t settle. The comments like it’s cruel and squid games is ridiculous and you should really be careful with your words and how that can affect people. My girls are loved, fed, clean beds and environment a lot more than some kids have. If I had the money available of course I would give them their own rooms but the space wise in the triple bunk has never been an issue for them x

Would you say this to someone from a different culture? Many, many, many families around the world live in close proximity to each other. Do you think all of these people should stop procreating? Only wealthy people in first world countries should have children is quite a bold post even by Mumsnet standards!

What a nasty thing to say.

ADHD and autism had crossed my mind as possibilities too. Adult-me cannot share a house with another human, never mind a bedroom.

My friend's 3 girls shared a room until they left home. It wasn't a problem for any of them. Sometimes families just have to learn to get along.

I think straight to sleep is a big ask. The chances that they are all going to be sleepy at the same time throughout their childhood years are virtually nil, and some people just take longer to go asleep. Definitely try letting her read or listen to something.

Is she in the middle bunk? Because I would be really claustrophobic in that and she may not be able to articulate that?

OP, I would ask to have the photo of your girls room taken down. It is outing as you have the girls names there.

Honestly, I regret posting this now as some of the horrible comments have really upset me. I thought this was a site for support and advice not somewhere to pull mum’s down trying their best in their current circumstances. I would never post some of the replies I have received and think those that have posted ill tasting comments need to have a hard look at themselves. My children are well looked after and loved beyond measure. Thank you to those for the helpful advice but this will be my last post here. X

Well logically it takes 2 to make babies. So safe to assume that if shes now a single mum her circumstances unexpectedly changed

I would try not to worry about it. There are always a few mad people here.

I loved sharing with my sisters. There were nights when my mum or dad were up and down trying to stop us from chatting and giggling until we dropped off. Then as teenagers we made our own choices and were very close. I am sure you will solve this problem and they will be fine with you taking care of them.

I'm sure plenty of us have reported it. It will be deleted.