3 girls sharing a room, middle child is a nightmare

[Mumto3girls2016]

Hey first time poster, I have 3 girls who share a room as we live in a 2 bedroom house. Triple bunk bed ages 5,8 and 9 and a half. 8 year old a nightmare at bedtimes kicks bangs refuses to sleep keeping 5 year old and 9 year old awake. Then when told off says I don’t love her and don’t care about her. At my wits end and have to just walk away before losing it … any suggestions for a smoother bedtime routine for 8 yr old, … 5 year old & 9 year old has no issues going to sleep and is good as gold,x

I'd get rid of the biscuit before bed too.

I dont think she is being naughty. She sounds as though she is not ready to go to sleep until an hour later. Presumably in that hour she is being asked to lie in darkness and silence in a space that might be fine for sleeping but might otherwise feel restrictive.
Many of us fidget and thrash our limbs when we are trying to relax (especally before sleep - it's noticeable in babies).
I agree with the suggestion of asking her about how to help her feel relaxed in bed and allow audiobook or book

It’s a beautiful room OP, the bunk beds look great and nothing wrong with 3 sisters close in age sharing a room.
I’d suggest doing a staggered bedtime, I’d suggest the 5&9 year old go to bed first. The 9 year old may object - but explain you’re trying it out to see if sleep better and it may change in future. 8 year old quietly reads. 8 year old quietly goes to bed 45 ish mins later and hopefully sisters are asleep.

Also have you explained to her it’s not fair on her sisters when she stops them sleeping when tired? You could also go in and say ‘quiet reading only’ if there’s mucking around.

The implication by so many posters here is that it’s bad behaviour but maybe she’s just a bit of a night owl and isn’t ready to go to sleep yet? Some people have evolved to be up through the night and some have evolved not to be, it’s not a character fault it’s hardwired. Can you give her a slightly later bed time and see if that helps? Get the other two down and let her colour in or read for an hour before it’s her turn?

There must be more to it than this, where are the stairs? It looks like you've cut the left half of a picture off.

We are a family of 5 in a 2 bedroom! Plan after the youngest arrived was to move but for various reasons couldn’t so have to make do with what we have! We’ve tried to give each of our boys their own area within the room. There was a built in wardrobe in the largest room and we’ve managed to convert that into a space into a single bed for our eldest, shelving around the sides and his television mounted on the wall at the bottom. He has a curtain to close if he wants privacy. The middle has a gaming bed so sleeps on top and has his own space to study underneath, again we’ve adapted the bed to have a curtain across the bottom for privacy. The youngest for the minute just has a single bed (he’s super difficult to wake up in a morning so climbing up a high sleeper to get him up is not pleasant 🤣) but we’ve told him once he does better with his morning routine he can have a high sleeper with his own space underneath. We’ve positioned wardrobes to sort of emphasize their own area of the room and so far so good.
Theres’s more laughing than arguing, we have three happy sons, and we have our own room too which is better for us than sleeping on a sofa bed.
Even if you can’t change their sleeping arrangements could you use wardrobe/desks/toy boxes to divide the space left so they have their own area and stagger bedtimes so the one who struggles to get to sleep isn’t disturbing the other two?

Could you change to two bunk beds and then a cabin bed on the other side of the room
with storage or play space underneath? Or just mixing them around in terms of where they sleep in the bunk beds?

I mean, this is Mumsnet so you’re a terrible mother for not buying them all their own stable and horse, but meanwhile in the real world…

Horrible comments on here.

Imagine having 3 children all whilst still living at home with no plan to move out.

You think the 'wait till your parents die' comment was harsh but that's basically what you said.

Have you thought about working full time/ getting trained up in something so you can earn more and better your situation?

One of my friends had 4 girls, until they moved 3 girls were in together, baby in their room. Once they moved the three older ones had their own rooms and yet everynight when my friend checked in on them they had all migrated back into one room squished into a double bed.
In the end she put them back in together until they asked to move back into their own rooms a few years later, so I don’t think the room share is the problem.
Their bedtime of 8-9 is quite late especially for the 5 year old, if it was me I would move it earlier especially for the smallest. I would put the 5 year old and other good sleeper to bed at 7.30, bedtime story and then sleep time. I would let the other one stay up until her sisters were asleep and then put her to bed with an audio book.
My 5 year old goes to bed at 7 and is usually asleep by 7.15, my 11/13 year old have lights out at 9. My biggies used to share until a couple of years ago when it became very apparent they couldn’t co exist within a room without bashing each other. We extended into the loft, for your long term plan I would talk to your parents and see if this would be feasible to do to yours to increase your space.

hey ..

I think what i would suggest to try/do is take 9 and 5 years to bed at their normal time and get them settled into bed, then have the 8 year old in with you just chilling to get her past her crazy meltdown hour. Maybe you could just read together or just chill. if you need to shower or bathe let her listen to an audiobook on some headphones or read a book if she likes reading. I would suggest no phones or telly.

then when she’s settled calm etc and ready to sleep move her into her bed.

if you have a double bed and she falls asleep in yours that’s not too big a deal either because there’s enough room.

a weighted blanket would probably be helpful.

what I would also say is she’s at an age where you should be able to talk to her about this and she should be able to articulate why she’s feeling the need to act out.

Is she overtired and needs her bedtime an hour earlier than the other two? Is she really NOT tired and needs the extra hour to chill before bed? Figure out what the reason is and come up with some suggestions for better sleep hygiene together.

shes also at an age to be told and understand that her behaviour is not acceptable and she needs to do better so I think you have some wiggle room there to express that this needs to change but you want to help her with that.

your doing great though. Keep on keeping on mama

Is the plan to stay there long term? Three teen girls with homework and make up stuff etc in one room will be tricky. Is loft conversion an option?

Really saddened by some of these replies.

I'd try getting the other two to bed, and letting middle daughter read quietly or listen to an audio book in your bed. Then into bed 30 minutes later. See how that goes.

My impression was that op doesn’t with her parents, she lives in a propery they own.

I think she also said she would struggle to increase hours as she has no one to help with school pick up

Some people have such short memories (and are such snobs).. lots of people including myself where I grew up shared with 1 or 2 siblings and it was fine.

Also big houses have their own drawbacks. I like a living area being open plan for example as it's companionable. Sometimes I think the way many tweens/teens today spend such large amounts of time on their own in their rooms is very isolating

I think the tips to help your 8yo wind down are good ones. She's obviously not feeling sleepy for whatever reason

Are you living on your own with the girls? Is it possible to move her into your room with you? Obviously not if your husband/partner is there too. I'm just thinking that's not rewarding her with her own room, but also is allowing the others to get a proper sleep. Mine are older, but one has always taken a while to fall asleep and the other sleeps much more easily. It's probably not that uncommon, but is problematic for you.

op is living with her parents so assume she's cut off their room as it isn't a space she can use and this the stairs with it.

We had 3 boys in a room in triple bunks until the eldest was 12. It was ok but I’d have to stay in with the younger two until they fell asleep or they’d just fight/ keep each other awake. The older one came in a bit later. Do you think you might want to put the 5 yo down first and when they’re asleep (if sound sleeper) bring the other two in and stay there until they are asleep. It can feel a depressing waste of time sitting there - but it was the only way I could really make it work.

I also have nobody to help with school pick up. Which is why I use afterschool clubs and wrap around care.

As many do.

While it might not be ideal, husband shared a room with 2 younger brothers from the age of 10 to when he left home at around 22…. Nothing unsustainable about it, just a bit cramped. Did he enjoy it? Not particularly but there was no alternative.

I have 2 kids that often struggle to fall asleep. And they each share a room with an easy sleeper. Sometimes it is many nights in a row, sometimes it is once every so often.
The older one is a reader, so I let her just read with a night light. As long as she is not disturbing her sister.
The younger one is too young to read yet, but loves looking at picture books, so I put him on my bed and he knows he has to stay there quietly, but he can read (And chat to himself about his day). This helps him relax. I can then put him back on his own bed once he is sleeping. He knows I will do this, and is happy for me to do this.
Also, for both of them, I find reading a story - or a chapter of a longer story really helps unwind, and keep them calm and still, even when it takes them longer to fall asleep.

Well quite my dad shared a room with his,two brothers until he was 29!
And his three sisters also shared a room not ideal but not unsustainable.

@Mumto3girls2016 please try to ignore unpleasant people hiding behind their keyboards like squat trolls.

Sharing with siblings is not an issue and is done out of necessity in many places around the world with a lot less room than yours…who are clearly loved and cherished by you and their grandparents; they are very fortunate children.

I’m a Mum of a large family, and at one point three of mine shared because they wanted to - they all loved it and even now as adults talk about it with so much fondness.

What I would say, with gentle respect, is that you need to have more consequences for your children (obviously mainly the 8 year old) if their actions disrupt other people’s sleep, including yours. She’s 8, which is definitely old enough to understand. Even a serious talk about how disappointed you are and that moving forward there WILL be some rules she/they must stick to about behaviour in bed. At a set time Audio book/music and headphones, or real book/comic/sticker book and that’s it, no more noise.
Don’t be pulled into debating with her, or arguments about you not loving her etc, just this is the way it IS going to be.
Good Luck.

I have two boys one girl sharing a room. Homeless in temporary accommodation for 7 years. What should we do?

Some of the comments on here are absolutely shameful. I’m surprised nobody’s asked OP if she’s tried simply not being poor? Not to mention the fact that many people seem to be completely incapable of reading OP’s posts properly - she’s clearly stated that it’s a TWO bedroom house, she DOESN’T live ‘at home’, she rents the house from her parents, the owners, at a reduced rate. She also works PART TIME as she has no childcare help and the cost of childcare for three, I’m guessing, would be extortionate.
Taking those things into account, why on earth are people prattling on about things like converting the loft?? Does OP really sound like she’s got a spare £50k to pull out of her arse to fund this work?
Honestly, I’ve been on Mumsnet practically since the beginning, it used to be a site for everyone, for support and advice. Now it seems to be turning into a place inhabited by cruel trolls and people who have so much spare cash and privilege they’ve completely forgotten about the vast majority of us who make up the real world.