3 girls sharing a room, middle child is a nightmare

[Mumto3girls2016]

Hey first time poster, I have 3 girls who share a room as we live in a 2 bedroom house. Triple bunk bed ages 5,8 and 9 and a half. 8 year old a nightmare at bedtimes kicks bangs refuses to sleep keeping 5 year old and 9 year old awake. Then when told off says I don’t love her and don’t care about her. At my wits end and have to just walk away before losing it … any suggestions for a smoother bedtime routine for 8 yr old, … 5 year old & 9 year old has no issues going to sleep and is good as gold,x

Hey - ignore the nasty comments on here! What a gorgeous room you have set up for your girls. I shared with my two sisters growing up - no issues at all. I agree with PPs suggesting that you stagger bedtimes; 5 year old goes first at around 7:00/7:30 then 8 year old 30 minutes later and 9 year old 30 minutes after that. I do think that will help. Also, as others have suggested maybe try a sleep mask with inbuilt headphones and a calming sleep story for 8 year old. Good luck with it all - you’re clearly doing your best by your children.

This would be the ideal, although I realise housing is horribly expensive. Having a third child without the means to house them properly probably wasn't your best move.

I grew up sharing a room a lot bigger than that one, with two sisters. It was a nightmare. No privacy, no respect for my possessions, constant nastiness due to overcrowding, claustrophobia. I hated it, never took my friends home, left at the first possible opportunity.

Are you a single mum? Can you move the middle dd into your room or into the sitting room and make better use of the space.

Op your daughters names are visible in the photo so I'd ask mn to remove it. I agree that some of these replies are awful and seem to come from what we would call in Ireland complete snobs! Two of my sisters shared a bedroom for years and turned out fine. When I was a student I occasionally shared a room too. Not everyone was born with a silver spoon in their mouth despite what some awful posters seem to think!

A 3m x 3m room is not “plenty of space” for 3 children when you have one DD heading for her teens.
Likewise a triple bunk is fine when they’re small but what are your plans as they get older? FWIW bunks are horrid to sleep in if you’re a light sleeper - one person moves and everyone else feels it - and those bunks look especially cramped. Have you tried sleeping in said bunks to see how it is from their perspective?

@FenceBooksCycle A psychotherapist in 20 years time? Deeply unmet needs?

I’m wondering if I’m not getting the sarcasm or something here? I used to play hell with my poor mother at bedtime as a child. I remember lying on the landing floor for hours kicking and screaming because I didn’t want to go to bed. Because bed was boring and I wanted to continue playing. I’m now a (fairly) well adjusted adult who is a chronic night owl to the point where I got a job where I can work night shifts. Some kids just don’t like going to bed.

Would you say dd8 is an introvert? It certainly might be worth giving her more wind down time, alone if possible. I shared a room and used to stay up late so I could get time alone to wind down. I'm an introvert and just got so overstimulated in a house with no space to myself.

I'm sorry there have been some mean comments but I do think you need to start thinking about your long term plans. Those bunk beds and probably that room won't work work 3 teenagers. Not that everyone needs their own room per se, but there is a big difference between 2 sharing and 3, expecially in a standard sized room like that.

Sorry OP about the horrible messages!

Just wanted to say I struggle to sleep at night. I found a musi cozy really helpful and I just put on an audiobook to settle to. I think cosy phone is a kids version. They work via Bluetooth so you would need to connect to another device.

Try putting the eight year old to bed earlier. She could be over tired. No sugary biscuits ay bedtime. Some grapes and warm milk or water.

Other ideas ..
Buy or loan a swag. Your middle child might appreciate the tent like seclusion of sleeping in your room in the swag.

You could also not put up with any disruption by using the swag in your room as a place where your middle daughter goes as soon as she is noisy - no chances - if she plays about it's straight to the swag.

After five year old has her book read to her allow thirty minutes of quiet reading with chapter books for the older two. If not reading kids need to be quiet and respectful to other sisters. Lights out at eight o'clock.

My twins chose to share until they were really quite old. We had the spare bedrooms they just liked being in together.

try weighted blanket, eye mask, ear plugs.

is she too hot or cold? Can you put a couple of blankets on the end of her bed so she can adjust them?

small light for reading is also a good call, as is an audio book. I use an Alexa but there’s a lot out there for this need.

They look rickety and claustrophobic.

I also have to say op that they may not have ‘complained or said they are claustrophobic’ simply because they are unable to articulate this at their young age.

Kids are different sleepers so i wouldn’t describe your 8 year old as naughty automatically.

My suggestion would be to stagger bedtimes and see how that goes. I agree with another poster that there is no way they will continue to go to sleep at the same time in the years to come. Even my 2 and 5 year olds currently sleep at slightly different times and would be hell if they shared a room as my 2 year old still wakes frequently.

My first thought would be that you let them have your room as well, and you sleep downstairs.

I have to be honest and say i did also get the same impression from ‘it will be mine one day’.

Some of the reasons your middle daughter may be struggling to fall asleep have already been mentioned: overtired, neurodivergence, hidden emotional issues.

But the most obvious one is that she may not be tired enough. You mentioned that some nights are worse than others. Is there any pattern to these? Are these days when she has less (or more) physical activity? Or perhaps less (or more) mental stimulation? A friend does a workout video with her daughter about 2 hours before bed, and it ensures she goes out like a light.

Also a very strict routine with no excitement (or devices) after pyjamas for at least an hour before bed. Some gentle wind down music (with tracks the girls all like and find relaxing), reading, perhaps white noise for the room if they all like it.

The you don’t love me thing is the bigger thing here, is it something she actually thinks or does she throw it out for a reaction? Do you get stressed stressed dealing with her at night? Can you talk to her in the day time about it?

Mine are the same. They are almost 13 and still prefer to sleep in the same room, so one of their bedrooms is used for sleep and the other for study, music etc.

I have 3 boys, and they all shared the same room until last year. No bunks though - I gave them the living room as a bedroom as it was the biggest room in the flat, and we used the biggest bedroom as a living space. (This was probably only doable as it was all one level, and probably wouldn't be as simple in a multi-floor house.)

OP - is there any way of giving the middle child a separate bed, at a right angle to the bunks maybe?

Does the OP have a partner living there as well?

Just ignore those horrible posters - what they say reflects far more on them than you. Would melatonin help with the sleeping. One of my children took it for a while - they described themselves as lying awake for hours but whenever I checked on them they were fast asleep. It is a substance found naturally in the human body. Melatonin is prescription only in the UK but it might be a bit of a solution for you at least short-term. Have you tried warm milky drinks before bed? And some sort of wind-down screen-free period before bed. You could discuss it with your middle child - explain how she is making her sisters tired and how she really just needs to lie quietly even if she doesn't get off to sleep right away.

Two girls close in age sharing a room is manageable, but three is really pushing it. I'd put the middle child in with you for the foreseeable future. It sounds as if she could do with a little bit of extra attention.

Can you put in place some sort of reward system for going to bed nicely that would motivate her as she’d see her siblings getting a bigger reward than her?

We've literally just taken down bunk beds our twins after 6 weeks do not like them at all...they've been in single beds for 3 nights and slept right thru no problems since the change

Helpful🙄🙄

What an awful thing to say.

Just coming to say that I shared with two sisters in a triple bunk bed and it was absolutely fine. Calling it cruel was a massive stretch.

No, they don't.