Sleep training, cries for 2 hours straight? Normal?

[Lynstar05]

Hey guys, I am with a sleep consultant and doing gentle sleep training of parent stay and fade method. We are on day 2 and for all night time wakings, bedtime and naos it takes him over an hour to fall asleep at 1hour 20 mins of crying shortest and went 2 hours yesterday morning and still not asleep. He kicks ans screams and red in face. He is 6 months old.

Has anyone else found this? It makes me so sad and worried about him but desperate to help his sleep and for this to work. I never thought id end up doing this and feel guilty for him.

Every time I read about parents sleep training they always say 'It was horrendous, he cried for 15 minutes'. Well try 2hours!!

Words od encouragement and support or advice needed please :((.

Struggling first time mum X

Also can you put the cot beside your bed? So you can be beside baby but baby is in the cot.

You could raise the head end of the cot on books too to see if this helps, helpful if he has reflux.

Hi OP
We had a baby just like yours. Woke every 45 mins fir about 16 weeks, then every hour and a half until she was about 15 months old. Absolutely nothing worked to help her sleep longer. We tried holding her while she cried, staying, leaving, co sleeping etc. Eventually she just did. Some babies just don't! Our coping strategy was to do as little as possible and take it in turns to sleep at weekends
Good luck!

@TooOldandTired absofuckinlutely 🙌🏻 the mothers well-being is the most important thing !
OP has clearly said that cosleeping isn't working for her and so she needs a solution. Research has shown that babies can be sleep trained from 5months of ages. Op I would suggest you stop the 'gentle method' and just get it done and be consistent. I would think the sitting beside him not giving him comfort is causing him more confusion and distress. Check out takingcarababies they have a great sleep programme that works great. If you as a family have decided that you need sleep, then that's the right thing for your family. I am a truly horrible person and can't cope without my sleep, so both my babies were sleep trained and it's the best thing I ever did. Once I was getting some proper sleep, I was able to be the mother I wanted to be and wasn't hating every second of the day. My babies absolutely benefitted from getting some sleep too and after the first initial difficult days, they would get excited being put down in their cot and would turn straight over, snuggle their bunny and fall asleep. Even now they often ask to go to bed for a nap ! Do what's best for your family but drop the 'gentle stuff' it often doesn't work and takes a lot longer
Ps remember every month they get a bit older and things get a little easier.

Obviously I meant I'm a truly horrible person when I don't get sleep 😂

@ZenNudist

I'm sorry but it's too soon to be thinking about care of mother. Babies are fully dependent. It won't be much longer til things change again. I think you also need to look at food because either food intolerance can cause problems or being hungry. You can't necessarily expect a baby to respond to sleep training at 6m and I think it would likely make them worse. I'm a big fan of sleep training and I have known people train young but letting them cry for 2 hours isn't working. I wonder about the "gentle" are you still going in to them? mine settled quicker on their own in 15 mins but 2 hours with reassurance and being there. I think I sleep trained around 9 months maybe 8, certainly after weaning.

Sack the sleep consultant. Waste of money and more harm than good.

Care of mother doesn’t start at some indeterminate point in the baby’s future life. Care of the mother is necessary from conception. If you don’t believe this I assume you didn’t use a midwife and you are prolife.

Haven't read the whole thread but our battles ended with DD2 when we accepted she needed far less sleep than we required her to have. The moment I 'gave in' and accepted that we were a much happier family.
We do sleep train DD1 but she was a completely different beast, she needed it as much as we did.
With DD2 I just went with it. If she were up for hours in the night I'd take her to the living room, put on a soft light and gave her things to amuse her meanwhile I would nap on the sofa!!
From my (very limited experience) some babies are not great sleepers.
I'm sure my experiences-will raise a heckle or two on this thread but ultimately you must follow your baby

I am going to leave it here everyone. Thanks to everyone if you shared your experience or advice and sympathies.

This is a difficult topic I realised and I am conflicted. What I do see is that what works for some doesnt for others and all babies are different. We all want what's best for our little ones at the end of the day.

Thanks again.

Have you spoke to your health visitor?

Hi @Lynstar05, I see you’ve had a lot of opinions and advice here but I wanted to let you know I am in the same situation as you and could have written your post. On day 2 of a supposed gentle plan with my 6 month old DS and it’s fair to say he’s not responding well and I feel absolutely in bits about it.

It’s easy for people to judge - I never wanted to be here but am in a very similar position to you with how dependent he is and I just need to try and get a bit of a break for my sanity. I also have a 2 year old DD who I feel like I can barely look after.

No one wants to be in a position where they’ve had no more than 2-3 hours sleep in a row for 6 months and when you’re desperate you will look anywhere you can for help. I have to admit the scales have fallen from my eyes a bit with the sleep consultants promising gentle methods - it’s just a case of seeing how your baby responds and trying to weigh up all the benefits and downsides. I’m personally struggling with it majorly and not sure where we’ll end up. If we stop the plan I know I’ll be devastated at the prospect of indefinite sleep deprivation. And yes, I have support and a brilliant partner.

It’s really bloody hard and I can absolutely see you’re just trying to do the best you can. Hugs and I hope things get better for you soon x

@moresugarpls

IMO 6 months is too young to sleep train. I co-slept with my DC. It’s the only way we got some decent sleep

I agree, I don't 'get' sleep training at all and definitely not for a six month old. They will sleep when they are ready.

@badatcrochet1996

Have you spoke to your health visitor?

:-)

What good would that do?

@Maggiesfarm because health visiting teams have community nursery nurses (aka early years workers) who are trained and qualified in offering sleep support to parents.

Along with a whole host of other things such as advice and support on weaning, child development, toilet training, speech and language etc. The service is there for parents to access as and when needed, free of charge.

@Corilee2806 hey love thanks for reaching out. It is very comforting knowing we are not alone in this. It really really sucks, as you said its a last resort and we want the best in the long run.

I can only imagine how hard that must be with a little toddler to look after too. Hugs!

There is so much mixed information out there about all of this so it makes it harder. We brought up our concerns with the consultant today and he kept reassuring us that it will work if we give it more time and are consistent. This makes it harder in some ways because it gives me hope but at the same time it is gut wrenching.

I hope it works out for you. Maybe pop me a message in a few days or a couple of weeks to let me know how your doing xxx

@moresugarpls @True they will in their own time. I have known some children to takes years. Its all easy to co sleep if the baby will sleep. What if it wont? Have you been in that position yourself? You said co sleeping worked. Lucky you.

I am sure most people on here criticizing have found ways that work and are doable for them and their sleep etc. My situation is not. Can a mother be a good mother on 4 hours of sleep or less for months and years on end for some?

Mine turned out to have sleep apnea/enlarged adenoids. So glad didnt pursue crying it out as there was literally nothing she could do but wake scared every 45min-2 or 3 hours. Operation at 3.5 (they wont do it earlier) and completely fixed...
2 years of "sleep training' would have made no difference. So many people judged...

OP I agree the 'they will sleep in their own time' and 'just cosleep' brigade aren't particularly helpful, I was on the receiving end of both.

I hope you find something because like you I am very negatively affected on broken sleep.

[quote Lynstar05]**@moresugarpls* @True* they will in their own time. I have known some children to takes years. Its all easy to co sleep if the baby will sleep. What if it wont? Have you been in that position yourself? You said co sleeping worked. Lucky you.

I am sure most people on here criticizing have found ways that work and are doable for them and their sleep etc. My situation is not. Can a mother be a good mother on 4 hours of sleep or less for months and years on end for some?[/quote]
The problem is your sleep consultant isn't with you at home and doesn't have to listen to the tears or be the one to be stressed out (you!). Ultimately all babies are different and there is no one size fits all. You have to find a method you feel ok with and that actually works for you both. It sounds like the method you are using isn't working for your child or you. I'm also not sure what the sleep consultant considers to be "working"? Is it when your child learns after so many consecutive nights that no one is coming to comfort them and gives up crying? It might mean more sleep but it feels like a big sacrifice to make.

My daughter was the same for what it's worth. She was breastfed so all the overnight feeds fell to me too. She was still waking up once a night for feeding at 9 months. And only recently has stopped getting up at 5am. My point is that unfortunately babies not sleeping much is normal. A huge number of babies don't sleep for a really long time and we adults spend so much time trying to fix something that isn't actually broken. I'm not trying to be patronising I think I find everything seems to feel easier when you stop worrying about what the baby "should" be doing and go with the flow a bit and find a method that works for you. If you hate the crying but want to stick with the consultant can you tell them you want a no cry method and see what they say?

You're doing a good job and I do understand your pain. It's bloody hard work trying to find a method that helps.