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Original poster

Sleep training, cries for 2 hours straight? Normal?

218 replies

Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 08:00

Hey guys, I am with a sleep consultant and doing gentle sleep training of parent stay and fade method. We are on day 2 and for all night time wakings, bedtime and naos it takes him over an hour to fall asleep at 1hour 20 mins of crying shortest and went 2 hours yesterday morning and still not asleep. He kicks ans screams and red in face. He is 6 months old.

Has anyone else found this? It makes me so sad and worried about him but desperate to help his sleep and for this to work. I never thought id end up doing this and feel guilty for him.

Every time I read about parents sleep training they always say 'It was horrendous, he cried for 15 minutes'. Well try 2hours!!

Words od encouragement and support or advice needed please :((.

Struggling first time mum X

OP posts:
orangejuicer · 30/07/2021 08:02

I cant help but wonder why you are trying this now. He is 6 months old.

Babies do not need training.

orangejuicer · 30/07/2021 08:03

Sorry I know that wasnt encouraging but you need to think about whether this is right for you and your child.

Muma1992 · 30/07/2021 08:04

What is the method? I couldn't leave my baby to cry, sorry. 6 months is too young.

moresugarpls · 30/07/2021 08:06

IMO 6 months is too young to sleep train. I co-slept with my DC. It’s the only way we got some decent sleep

Garman · 30/07/2021 08:06

No, it's not normal to leave your 6 month old to cry themselves to sleep for 2 hours. Your sleep consultant should be ashamed of themselves, but then sleep consultants shouldn't exist anyway.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 30/07/2021 08:06

He's 6 months old and too young for sleep training, very different in a year's time. I'm all for sleep training but you shouldn't let such a little baby be left to cry.

What is the issue with sleep ,maybe posters can help?

Nowisthemonthofmaying · 30/07/2021 08:08

What were you doing to get him to sleep before? Why did you bring in the sleep consultant?

pigglepot · 30/07/2021 08:08

Sorry but this sounds absolutely horrendous and I would not be continuing with it.

The thing to remember with babies is that everything is a phase. Nothing lasts forever. You think "oh my god I'm going to be rocking her to sleep until she's 18" and then a month later somehow that habit doesn't exist anymore and you wonder why you ever worried.

What worked with my DD- getting her into a daily nap routine appropriate for her age so that I knew she was tired by the time it was bedtime and that she had had enough day sleep (it's all about the "awake windows"); teaching her to fall asleep in her cot not on my boob or whilst being held- what this actually meant was me lying next to her and stroking her tummy or patting/shunting her bottom until she went to sleep which took about an hour and a half the first two days and then she learnt to settle herself with only a few minutes of shouting. I personally have very little tolerance for crying it makes me completely freak out so I didn't want to put myself or my daughter through it. And I also didn't need to.

When she was about 13 months old she suddenly decided to stop self settling because of attachment- she used to scream when we left her. So we went back to patting her to sleep. She's now 17 months and again completely settles herself to sleep in only a few minutes.

Also make sure you're creating a good sleep environment with sleep associations. For example, bath, pyjamas, book, boob/milk, white noise and a comforter. I gave my DD her jellycat comforter from when she was tiny only when she was going to sleep for a nap and she now absolutely loves it and strokes it on her face when going to sleep.

Rossypossy · 30/07/2021 08:08

OP ignore comments from posters like orange and others who will pile onto you about how terrible sleep training is. You’re exhausted and I imagine on your knees hence why you’re here, so don’t let anyone make you feel bad about doing what you think is best for your family and that is all getting some rest!

I’m no expert in sleep! But has the consultant worked through a routine with you? It sounds a bit like he is not tired or perhaps very overtired hence all the crying? There is a sweet spot for them but it’s bloody hard to find! At that age they would normally wake at 7ish, nap at 9, then again at 12:30/1 and then a cat nap at about 4 for bed at 7. Does he have a dummy? I gave one to DD at this age for about 6 weeks to help her to get to sleep rather than with rocking or boob, and it really helped. Then worked on taking the dummy away at about 7 months when it was becoming more trouble due to falling out!

Nowisthemonthofmaying · 30/07/2021 08:09

I agree that he's a bit too young, he won't understand why you're there but not picking him up or comforting him.

LakeShoreD · 30/07/2021 08:10

If that was described as gentle sleep training then I’d be asking for a refund from the consultant.
Nothing wrong with CC if you do your research and you decide it’s what likely to work best for you and your family but it’s sounds like you’ve mislead by the sleep consultant. Baby crying for 2 hours is absolutely not gentle stay and fade Confused

Willwebebuyingnumber11 · 30/07/2021 08:11

I’m hoping I’ve misunderstood.. you’re not leaving your 6 month old baby to cry for 2 hours are you????

orangejuicer · 30/07/2021 08:12

@Rossypossy

OP ignore comments from posters like orange and others who will pile onto you about how terrible sleep training is. You’re exhausted and I imagine on your knees hence why you’re here, so don’t let anyone make you feel bad about doing what you think is best for your family and that is all getting some rest!

I’m no expert in sleep! But has the consultant worked through a routine with you? It sounds a bit like he is not tired or perhaps very overtired hence all the crying? There is a sweet spot for them but it’s bloody hard to find! At that age they would normally wake at 7ish, nap at 9, then again at 12:30/1 and then a cat nap at about 4 for bed at 7. Does he have a dummy? I gave one to DD at this age for about 6 weeks to help her to get to sleep rather than with rocking or boob, and it really helped. Then worked on taking the dummy away at about 7 months when it was becoming more trouble due to falling out!

I didn't pile on. I suggested OP consider whether sleep training was right for her and her child. Leaving a 6mo to cry for 2 hours is not acceptable.
Preg19 · 30/07/2021 08:13

Sorry this is no gentle sleep training. I can understand your tired I am with a baby the same age but its so normal for babies to wake in the night up until a year. Could you Co sleep safely at all? That's whats getting me through at the moment!

orangejuicer · 30/07/2021 08:13

@Willwebebuyingnumber11

I’m hoping I’ve misunderstood.. you’re not leaving your 6 month old baby to cry for 2 hours are you????
That was what I got too.
Jojoanna · 30/07/2021 08:14

That’s too long to leave a baby of 6 months to cry, that would make me very stressed

Seeline · 30/07/2021 08:16

He is 6 months old!

No, making a baby cry for 2 hours until they finally sleep through exhaustion is not normal.

AnnaSW1 · 30/07/2021 08:17

Oh god, i hope this post isn't real. There's nothing gentle about letting a baby cry that long. It's heartless and cruel.

Rossypossy · 30/07/2021 08:18

Your comment was unhelpful to a probably very tired and emotional mum who is looking for help from other mums!

Also unless your breastfeeding co sleeping isn’t a safe option, and even if you are it’s not for everyone.

OP as one of the previous posters has asked what’s his current sleep like and what’s the current problem?

AnnaSW1 · 30/07/2021 08:20

@Rossypossy being exhausted is not a good excuse for being cruel though. It's heartless.

orangejuicer · 30/07/2021 08:21

Rossy - we are saying that 6mo is too young and crying for 2 hours is not normal. That is helpful advice

I would wager most of the people on this thread have been in a similarly sleep deprived situation.

OP, relax and take a breath. Being a FTM is hard. It doesn't sound like this particular type of approach is working so you need to do something else.

Hardbackwriter · 30/07/2021 08:22

@Willwebebuyingnumber11

I’m hoping I’ve misunderstood.. you’re not leaving your 6 month old baby to cry for 2 hours are you????
She says she's using parent stay and fade (gradual retreat) so I think she's there the whole time, but not picking him up. She's not leaving him alone.

I think sleep training can be absolutely the right thing to do and transformational - it was for us - but at this point with this much distress and no obvious progress I think I'd give it a break, OP, and consider other options, whether that's a different sleep training method (you've gone for the most gentle which is what I did too, but maybe having you there is working your baby up?), a new routine or just giving it a bit of time then trying again. Six months is very young - we briefly tried gradual retreat then and realised very quickly he was getting too upset and stopped. We tried again at 8/9 months and it was completely different and worked very quickly, well and with very little distress - like the 15 minutes you've heard about from other people.

KurtWilde · 30/07/2021 08:24

If someone posted that they could hear a young baby crying inconsolably for 2 hours straight they'd be told to report to SS. There's absolutely no need to 'train' such a young baby to sleep, and no falling asleep through exhaustion isn't good either.

We've all been exhausted young first time mums at some point - and some of us single with no other parent to support us getting a few hours sleep - but we haven't all left our babies to cry for 2 hours. I hope this isn't real. And it's not 'piling on' to say that leaving a baby crying for 2 hours is wrong, because it IS wrong.

Preg19 · 30/07/2021 08:27

@Rossypossy

Your comment was unhelpful to a probably very tired and emotional mum who is looking for help from other mums!

Also unless your breastfeeding co sleeping isn’t a safe option, and even if you are it’s not for everyone.

OP as one of the previous posters has asked what’s his current sleep like and what’s the current problem?

Sorry was that meant for me? If so I was hoping it would make her feel better that someone was going through the same and it was normal. Also I did say can you co sleep safely!
Nobloat21 · 30/07/2021 08:27

We did this with ds. He cried for about 3 hours. It was hell, but after 3 nights he was trained and sleeping through for the first time ever. However, he was 14 months old. I would never leave a 6 month old to cry. Sorry to say that, but I think it's too little.

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