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Original poster

Sleep training, cries for 2 hours straight? Normal?

218 replies

Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 08:00

Hey guys, I am with a sleep consultant and doing gentle sleep training of parent stay and fade method. We are on day 2 and for all night time wakings, bedtime and naos it takes him over an hour to fall asleep at 1hour 20 mins of crying shortest and went 2 hours yesterday morning and still not asleep. He kicks ans screams and red in face. He is 6 months old.

Has anyone else found this? It makes me so sad and worried about him but desperate to help his sleep and for this to work. I never thought id end up doing this and feel guilty for him.

Every time I read about parents sleep training they always say 'It was horrendous, he cried for 15 minutes'. Well try 2hours!!

Words od encouragement and support or advice needed please :((.

Struggling first time mum X

OP posts:
Original poster
Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 10:32

Thanks for your advice. Yes we wakes when I put him down....he even wakes when i sit down with him in my arms a lot of the time so my back does be broken :(.

OP posts:
User1357 · 30/07/2021 10:32

It’s really hard, I basically spent the whole of my maternity being a mattress for my baby and would struggle to even shower as he was a Velcro baby. It all started getting better at around 11 months.

My baby had never watched tv until 4 months old and I really didn’t want to get into that habit but desperation made me resort to putting a film in for nap time.

I will also admit that he will only eat his meals if his favourite film elfkins is in. So although he no longer needs a film into sleep he still watches true equivalent of a while film a day. It has kept me sane.

thefamous5 · 30/07/2021 10:34

Your poor baby.

Why are you trying to force your baby to go against something that is biologically normal?

Why are you letting your baby cry for two hours without comforting them?

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 30/07/2021 10:34

Your plan of action needs to be a cot by the side of your bed and a sling. Has your baby been seen to rule out reflux?

Itsbeen84yearss · 30/07/2021 10:35

FYI mine won’t co sleep either. If I bring her into bed she goes wild with excitement and just wants to play so I only bring her in if I can longer face hanging over the cot anymore. I’ve just bought an extra single bed and put that in her nursery next to her big cot so I can at least lie down while I’m reassuring her when she wakes.

Original poster
Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 10:36

Ok thank you perhaps we will stop and maybe try when he is older and hope it will get better.

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 30/07/2021 10:37

HAVE YOU TRIED A SLING???

PatricksRum · 30/07/2021 10:38

Poor baby SadSadSad

ZenNudist · 30/07/2021 10:39

I'm sorry but it's too soon to be thinking about care of mother. Babies are fully dependent. It won't be much longer til things change again. I think you also need to look at food because either food intolerance can cause problems or being hungry. You can't necessarily expect a baby to respond to sleep training at 6m and I think it would likely make them worse. I'm a big fan of sleep training and I have known people train young but letting them cry for 2 hours isn't working. I wonder about the "gentle" are you still going in to them? mine settled quicker on their own in 15 mins but 2 hours with reassurance and being there. I think I sleep trained around 9 months maybe 8, certainly after weaning.

Sack the sleep consultant. Waste of money and more harm than good.

thefamous5 · 30/07/2021 10:40

At six months your baby is meant to be dependent on you.

I have four kids, youngest is 2. She still co sleeps and contact naps. The other three did the same.

The older ones are all great sleepers now.

Sunshineaftermorningrain · 30/07/2021 10:44

Who walks around with their baby in a sling in the middle of the night? Grin

I love slings. But they aren’t the automatic answer to all baby related problems. Mine loved his as a newborn but he doesn’t like it so much now and I doubt he’d sleep in it. Sometimes likes it if we are somewhere he wants to be nosy!

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 30/07/2021 10:44

@Sunshineaftermorningrain

Who walks around with their baby in a sling in the middle of the night? Grin

I love slings. But they aren’t the automatic answer to all baby related problems. Mine loved his as a newborn but he doesn’t like it so much now and I doubt he’d sleep in it. Sometimes likes it if we are somewhere he wants to be nosy!

No, but they will help during the day if she can't even sit down with him, and stop her breaking her back and being unable to do anything
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 30/07/2021 10:45

Who was suggesting walking around with a sling in the middle of the night?Confused

ZenNudist · 30/07/2021 10:45

Just seen your last message. Just give it a couple of months. You don't need to let them run rings round you as they get to toddler stage but equally a few "bad habits" when young can lead to a more secure settled child. I used to let them have boob which I knew was more of a dummy than food. I also used to run them round in the pram late at night as a last resort. Some people take them for a drive. Lots cosleep. As long as this isn't the only way your child gets to sleep it can be a sanity saver.

I have friends who let their dc rule the roost as they get older and sleep is a real nightmare but at 6months is too early to say your baby is a bad sleeper so do what you need to get you through (i.e. not sleep training, comforting baby) and keep trying.

MrsA2015 · 30/07/2021 10:45

Absolutely ridiculous. Babies are meant to be soothed to sleep , please please do your research on this topic before paying someone who clearly hasn’t got the faintest idea on the emotional side of the phenomenon of babies actually needing their mothers.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 30/07/2021 10:45

No, but they will help during the day if she can't even sit down with him, and stop her breaking her back and being unable to do anything. Exactly

LordOfTheOnionRings · 30/07/2021 10:46

Invest in a decent sling! You can then get on with your day and baby can nap close to mummy.

Sleep is such a weird thing, even if you crack it for a while and your little one starts to sleep there is always a Sleep regression around the corner ready to fuck things up.

Sleep training isn't something I would personally chose but commentors have to realise that Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and although baby might cry for a while, a sleeping baby is a happy baby and MUMMY.

GOOD LUCK OP. Get a sling.

Original poster
Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 10:48

Thanks a lot very helpful to know it doesn't last :). I might need to wait it out... X

OP posts:
Original poster
Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 10:49

Thank you x

OP posts:
TooOldandTired · 30/07/2021 10:51

Why don't all the judgemental people with their poor baby comments go and worry about some children who are really in danger. The op clearly loves her child and looks after it. Letting a child cry to try and get them into a better sleeping pattern is not some form of abuse.
I'm sorry but it's too soon to be thinking about care of mother WTF does this even mean. Of course care of the mother is always important and a mother being exhausted impacts on the baby.
This thread is ridiculous is some many ways - in many cases people are back at work at 6 months and a lot earlier so they can't have their baby sleeping on them half the day and night!

LordOfTheOnionRings · 30/07/2021 10:56

@TooOldandTired

Why don't all the judgemental people with their poor baby comments go and worry about some children who are really in danger. The op clearly loves her child and looks after it. Letting a child cry to try and get them into a better sleeping pattern is not some form of abuse. I'm sorry but it's too soon to be thinking about care of mother WTF does this even mean. Of course care of the mother is always important and a mother being exhausted impacts on the baby. This thread is ridiculous is some many ways - in many cases people are back at work at 6 months and a lot earlier so they can't have their baby sleeping on them half the day and night!
Agreed.
Aurora791 · 30/07/2021 10:57

Hi @Lynstar05, no judgement at all, being a parent is tough, and being a parent of a young child in a pandemic is frankly s**t.

I follow a woman called lyndsey hookWay on Instagram. Highly recommend you take a look, she’s a paediatric nurse but specialises in sleep but it’s all holistic and gentle and focused around what is biologically and developmentally normal for babies and toddler. I’ve found it’s helped me be a lot kinder to myself to just ‘wing it’ and do what works for us. No judgement on your sleep trainer but it’s the ‘in thing’ and there’s quite a few charlatans out there, and there’s no one size fits all approach to babies sleep.

Hope you’re doing ok- sending hugs!

InkieNecro · 30/07/2021 10:58

Sorry, he is a baby, he is evolved to want to be close to you and will fight separation because it goes against his survival instincts.

I'm not without sympathy, I went through a phase of 45 minutes sleep a night in 5-10 minute chunks for more than a month.

I ended up with a Co sleeper cot and it took literally weeks of work every single night to move him into it.

Also just wanted to add, babies aren't capable of manipulation until around 18 months, so if he is crying it is because he belives he genuinely needs something, not because he's being manipulative.

yikesanotherbooboo · 30/07/2021 11:00

I really feel for you OP . All I would say is that your baby is still tiny and each week and month they change a lot. Look back a few weeks to see th difference. It isn't your job to fix something here because, nothing has gone wrong. Babies vary enormously and you happen to have one who at this stage likes contact for sleep. You have a good routine already and your baby sleeps well albeit needing you to be upright in the day. Just stick with it and really soon things will have changed. Btw I agree with the sling. I also strongly recommend not worrying about the regime too much and spending a lot of the day outdoors if you can.it's good for both your well being.

FATEdestiny · 30/07/2021 11:00

@Lynstar05 - what is your sleep consultant suggesting happens with the dummy while baby is crying?

FWIW I would start with teaching you active sucking methods for the dummy. It's physically impossible to cry while simultaneously sucking (that's why dummies are great). Your in-cot comforting should centre around active sucking first and foremost.

I'm not going to start with any practical advise on this thread because it's a bloodbath of judgement and I hate confrontation. But if you want to start another thread with a less contentious title then I'll help. (I'm a sleep consultant, mum of 4 and a regular mumsnetter)