Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Original poster

Sleep training, cries for 2 hours straight? Normal?

218 replies

Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 08:00

Hey guys, I am with a sleep consultant and doing gentle sleep training of parent stay and fade method. We are on day 2 and for all night time wakings, bedtime and naos it takes him over an hour to fall asleep at 1hour 20 mins of crying shortest and went 2 hours yesterday morning and still not asleep. He kicks ans screams and red in face. He is 6 months old.

Has anyone else found this? It makes me so sad and worried about him but desperate to help his sleep and for this to work. I never thought id end up doing this and feel guilty for him.

Every time I read about parents sleep training they always say 'It was horrendous, he cried for 15 minutes'. Well try 2hours!!

Words od encouragement and support or advice needed please :((.

Struggling first time mum X

OP posts:
Original poster
Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 09:44

This is what we are doing but he doesn't seem to calm with comfort he just keeps crying. He is too used to having us and not being in his cot so I guess he just gets very very upset :(

OP posts:
MyFartWillGoOn · 30/07/2021 09:44

@Lou573

OP, can you teach him to sleep in the cot with you there patting/rubbing his back? Once you’ve done that sitting by the cot then moving further away?
OP we did this method at 6 months and it took a week but was incredibly gentle.

We sat over the cot and and to him, shushed him and patted his bottom. But we only left our hand in for 2 mins, then our for a minute but kept singing or using our voice to soothe

We did the same each night but then only put our hand in if he cried.

Then slowly moved the chair back but kept shushing if he cried and if necessary got up and put our hand in to Pat.

By night 4 we didn't need to go over to him at all.

We had very little crying and each night we stayed in the room but out of sight until he was asleep.

However, we did remove the dummy at the same time as like you, it kept falling out and he woke up. I say this but now, at 18 months he's fully dummy reliant again but he can find it himself now so not a problem

MsChatterbox · 30/07/2021 09:46

For my son all he needed was time. I tried training him and deeply regretted it when he got so upset. So just decided to continue rocking him. At 16 months he decided he didn't want that anymore and wanted to lay on the bed by himself to go to sleep.

With my daughter I've tried to remember how much I regretted trying to train my son, so I've tried to just go with the flow with her. At about 10 months I realised she would take a long nap in the pushchair indoors and finally I had some time to myself again.

I don't think the training is working for your son unfortunately. Do you have a carrier? Would he nap in that whilst you got on with things?

Original poster
Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 09:46

Well he is qualified and using one of the gentle sleep training methods. I think along the lines of Lucy Wolfe stay and support and fade. But he doesn't settle with the comfort at all....

OP posts:
Preg19 · 30/07/2021 09:48

@Lynstar05

Thank you for this. I feel like most people on here saying its horrendous are not in our position so they should not judge.

Also, we have done our research on sleep training and have weighed the pros and cons.

Also, its from guidance of a sleep consultant who has told us it happens and it will work. So it's hard to know what to do.

Do we just follow baby and be exhausted and have no life for another year or more? It could takes years for him to solve these problems.

Its a very difficult situation and don't appreciate people using such emotive language as we love our son and its been gut wrenching the last two days.

I totally sympathise with you as I'm going through the same thing with same age baby, I had this with my first and was comforted to know it was normal. Believe me it will pass and he won't rely on you for ever. Sleep is developmental. Try and get nap when you can, I go to bed with baby to get the maximum amount of sleep.
KurtWilde · 30/07/2021 09:48

It's difficult and exhausting for everyone OP, we've all been there. I had no partner to pass mine to so I could at least grab a couple of hours sleep. But I'd never have dreamt of letting them cry for 2 hours!

So yes, you do kind of have to accept you'll have to put your life on hold for a year or so, that's what you sign up for when you have a baby. At 6mo mine were all teething too, which added to their restless nights. My first baby didn't sleep through until she was 3 years old.

You have my sympathy, but I still don't agree you're doing the right thing, sorry.

Original poster
Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 09:48

This is exactly what we are doing....he just cries. He just wants us and to be rocked and stay on us and to sleep on us...

OP posts:
MyFartWillGoOn · 30/07/2021 09:48

@Lynstar05

Well he is qualified and using one of the gentle sleep training methods. I think along the lines of Lucy Wolfe stay and support and fade. But he doesn't settle with the comfort at all....
Does he seem concerned that it's taking so long and your little one is still crying despite the comfort? Has he suggested any additional strategies?
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 30/07/2021 09:48

Do we just follow baby and be exhausted and have no life for another year or more? It could takes years for him to solve these problems

Yes,pretty much at 6 months you should follow the baby. I think most of not all people on this thread have been exactly where you are, worn out just getting through each day/night without too many unrealistic expectations. It won't take tears to sort out because that's not what happens, how a baby is at 6 months isn't how they are at a year or even 8 months .

What is happening at the moment, what's the routine/sleep pattern?

Original poster
Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 09:49

Yeh its so hard and we are constantly thinking about what to do about it and will need to re evaluate probably. Thanks!

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 30/07/2021 09:49

@Lynstar05

Well he is qualified and using one of the gentle sleep training methods. I think along the lines of Lucy Wolfe stay and support and fade. But he doesn't settle with the comfort at all....
Qualified by whom and in what?
Original poster
Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 09:52

No he just said its part of it and will get better. So yeh we are still concerned obviously and not liking it. We will be setting a phone call to ask him for alternatives.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 09:52

By the Gentle Sleeping Coaching agency.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 09:56

Thanks for that, how did you manage to transition your little one?

OP posts:
User1357 · 30/07/2021 09:56

You’re baby is clearly crying out to be comforted, they will feel confused and rejected that their primary caregiver is not responding to their needs and then become even more anxious and upset.

6 months is so young. I’ve read a lot of the sleep training advise and from what I can see, it can cause a secure attachment to be threatened and cause stress for your baby.

It’s a tough one because obviously you’re struggling but, you baby is telling you it is not working. This stage does not last for long. By a year they tend to be much better at sleeping and sleep training can be done in a much less distressing manor.

I took a cot side off and pushed the cot right up to the side of my bed so my baby felt like they were still in bed with us. I would put him in once he was asleep and he would spend the majority of the night in there. By 10 months I put the cot side back up and continued to get him to sleep in the bed and then transfer him. I think it worked because he knew I wouldn’t leave him distressed.

You’re sleep consultant is a sleep specialist not a child psychologist.

MyFartWillGoOn · 30/07/2021 09:57

@Lynstar05 Is it a one size fits all method or did he work with you in the build up to understand your baby's sleep schedule, triggers and way of soothing etc?

I'd be very wary of a sleep consultant who has one method and just advises it for all babies. Several of my friends have used sleep consultants and all of them spent weeks beforehand sending in detailed info so they got a tailored plan

User1357 · 30/07/2021 09:58

Your

northbacchus · 30/07/2021 09:58

Sounds like you're having a tough time. Flowers

Have you tried the Huckleberry app? Found it very helpful with regards to sleep "windows" when baby is most likely to nap.

Could you try baby slings, like the wrap ones for naps, so you've at least got free hands, or even taking baby on a walk at nap times?

Original poster
Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 09:58

Yeh i guess some people get lucky with this. But for my little one he just does not want to go to sleep or be in the cot without us and will cry.

OP posts:
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 30/07/2021 09:59

Yeh i guess some people get lucky with this. But for my little one he just does not want to go to sleep or be in the cot without us and will cry

Who is telling you this isn't normal at this age?

PlanetTeaTime · 30/07/2021 09:59

OP please stop, this sounds awful. My baby is almost 6 months and even the thought makes me want to cry myself.

Schrutesbeets · 30/07/2021 10:00

OP, I used a very mild version of The Ferber Method, and it worked incredibly for my 9 month old.
I never incremented over 3 minutes and it's been over a month now, so he's never cried more than 3 minutes.
Put down in cot awake - leave the room, if he cried time 3 minutes then go back and settle him, you can pick up, cuddle, sing, rock, whatever helps soothe him. But do not let him fall asleep on you. Once he has stopped crying, put him back down in the cot, and repeat.
We've never had to go in more than 3 times, so only a max of 9 minutes crying in total, 3x 3 minutes.
This worked a dream for us and I honestly did not think it would as I was BFing to sleep and bed sharing.
He now sleeps every night 7.15-5.30am.
I could no way leave my child crying for hours, I couldn't have even coped with more than 3 minutes so I think you need to really try something else. You can Google the Ferber method to see the plan, as I say - we never needed to increment from 3 minutes.

Sunshineaftermorningrain · 30/07/2021 10:01

I know a lot of people with six month old babies and while everyone is having various sleep dramas I don’t know anyone who’s baby is still having only contact naps and will only sleep when is held.

I’m not an expert so perhaps it is normal. I don’t think OP is wrong to seek help with it.

Original poster
Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 10:01

He gave us a plan in term of his schedule and feeding etc and routine. But we actually have a good schedule and I always had.

Its just that he needs so much to sleep...us and his dummy. His wake windows are 2 to 2 hours and so by the time iv fed him I cant do anything or go out because he will not sleep in pram or car seat or when we are out. He just sleeps on me.

OP posts:
Katela18 · 30/07/2021 10:04

Hi OP,

I really feel for you, I am a first time mum and appreciate how hard it is. However, I'd say this is your LO telling you he just isn't ready. 6 months is still so so young. My LO is 19 months and is only now really 'sleep trained'. Although she did it herself. As she got older she no longer wanted to be rocked to sleep, they get older and as they do, they get more confident and able to settle themselves without crying.

I did introduce a gentle routine at 6 months, of naps at a certain time, bedtime the same time with a routine before hand. Gradually she came to learn sleep time was a time to settle and relax.

6 months is really young for sleep training though