Sleep training, cries for 2 hours straight? Normal?

[Lynstar05]

Hey guys, I am with a sleep consultant and doing gentle sleep training of parent stay and fade method. We are on day 2 and for all night time wakings, bedtime and naos it takes him over an hour to fall asleep at 1hour 20 mins of crying shortest and went 2 hours yesterday morning and still not asleep. He kicks ans screams and red in face. He is 6 months old.

Has anyone else found this? It makes me so sad and worried about him but desperate to help his sleep and for this to work. I never thought id end up doing this and feel guilty for him.

Every time I read about parents sleep training they always say 'It was horrendous, he cried for 15 minutes'. Well try 2hours!!

Words od encouragement and support or advice needed please :((.

Struggling first time mum X

I didn’t get lucky 😩 so I feel your pain and 6 months was the absolute worst.
Tried sleep training and absolutely didn’t work.. but oh I did wish that it had!
2 hours of crying is hard, but really, he will survive.
It’s unlikely he is screaming full on for that, no baby has that stamina! But even if he is just whingeing, it feels horrific bc you are tired.
I do understand, ours hated cosleeping too, unless he was on me, so no one was getting any sleep and I was hallucinating.
There is a point where it becomes unsafe, you need to be the adult and make it so you are able to parent. Ignore posters who think they understand you ‘feel a bit tired’ and ‘just need to get through it’. If you reach a level of tiredness that is unsafe, you are absolutely being the responsible adult in dealing with it.

I have no advice, only sympathy.
And some facts:
CIO will work over time.
Longitudinal studies show it has no impact on mum-baby attachment.
Crying babys need to be comforted, most of the time.
But crying babys are in no danger, as long as you have checked their needs are met.
NHS advice is neutral on cio.
You must not fall asleep whilst baby is awake if you are on your own.
If sleep training is the only way to ensure that, it is in baby’s best interest.

If you can, get a chunk of sleep before you start, you will be more able to hear ‘whingeing’ that her than your stress making it into screaming.

Offer baby a drink and wipe face every time you go in, as crying dehydrates and he will find sleep more difficult.

Just a story that got me through: when my lo was 1, he had a v high temp and also hated taking meds.
Went to an emergency go bc the temp was so high, he gave us the first dose to give there, and of course, lo screamed and fought and we both fluffed it.
The go took off his glasses and said ‘who are the adults here?’
Then he took lo, held him v tightly, tipped him back and pushed his mouth open to ‘force’ the meds.
Lo didn’t even wimped 🤦‍♀️😩
Obviously, we were bit embarrassed etc. But it’s a good point no?
Your baby doesn’t know what is best.
He is telling you he is uncomfortable.
He is uncomfortable.
But you must prioritise his safety and health over his comfort.
You can do this!
You are absolutely equal to it. I promise.

Thanks for your response :) I hope so. X

And for what it's worth I think you've had a terrible time on this thread. Not even being able to sit down while your baby naps on you and you not being able to even sleep at night is just awful

Your mental health is really important here. Only a few months ago there was a mum on her talking about suicide as she was so sleep deprived

You need to find a way of breaking this cycle and you are not cruel for trying to do so.

I feel for you I do, sleep exhaustion is awful. But in the gentlest way I would suggest your expectations of a 6 month old are too much. My DD contact napped until about 7/8 months when she got to big and wiggly and was ready to be put down. I didn't get things done, they had to wait. They all develop at their own pace and if he is crying that much he is telling you he is not ready. With the early waking are you sure it's the dummy, is he hungry, cold? That's a prime time to wake for one of those reasons. You've not made clear if you've gone straight from co sleeping to cot in his own room but if so I'd bring the cot to your room for a start. Does he wake as soon as you put him down? Needing to be held, rocked etc is totally normal for a baby that age. I know it's hard but it's kind of what you signed up for. If you are determined to still do the sleep training then I wouldn't be letting him cry to that extent. With my DD we would put her down drowsy after a cuddle/rocking. Then if she woke up pick her up (if she started crying) and keep going through the process till she fell asleep. Eventually she understood and she can get herself off to sleep now in her own cot but she's 11 months. No way would she have been ready at 6 months old. You're feeling awful about it because he's your tiny baby and seeing him distressed is a natural reaction!

@Lynstar05

Honestly my baby would never let me put him down. I had to have him on me at all times but I just sort of told myself it’s only whilst they are little.

When they get older it get easier to establish a routine because they feel much more secure to you. I used to sit (lay) on the sofa with him on my chest and then around 9 months started to roll him off me once asleep but stay there until he was settled again. He would then sleep on his own for a couple of hours. Mine is almost 15 months now and he will only nap upstairs in bed. They really do get better as they get older.

Honestly I'd try a sling.

Also have you tried a sling? I was able to do a lot of housework while baby was in the sling. Also used to put a rocker in the bathroom so DD could see me and chill while I took lovely long baths. You just need to work around ways to manage while allowing your baby to do what comes naturally to them, being with you.

Thank you very much for your reply, I will keep it in mind, much appreciated x

@Lynstar05

Look woman I am looking for advice and help not judgement. People like you should not be on mumsnet if you just want to put others down. Every parent wants to be a good parent.

Very rude response, OP, maybe you shouldn't be on mumsnet if you're not willing to accept a little criticism?

Fwiw mine all had contact naps until they were at least 12 months old, because they were naff sleepers, but it didn't last forever. There's 2 of you, so there should be someone available to wash bottles at some point in the day/evening, surely?

Have you tried a form of white noise, like a Ewan the Sheep toy or via an app like Baby Shusher? We used to balance a mobile phone near her cot playing the sounds of a boiling kettle and that helped DD fall asleep on her own (she preferred the app to Ewan the Sheep and the app is free so might be worth a go).

And for what it's worth I think you've had a terrible time on this thread. Not even being able to sit down while your baby naps on you and you not being able to even sleep at night is just awful

No, that's not what the OP said, they are getting a good amount of sleep over all, the baby just needs contact.

This is very good to know thanks a lot because I am worried he will continue and I am afraid I won't be able to break it and he will get bigger!

DD was like this. You have to strap them to you and get on with it I'm afraid. You can't leave a 6mo to cry for 2 hours

I’ve not RTFT, but have you thought about baby wearing. Hands free contact napping. Xx

My baby was a terrible sleeper but each month it gets a little better. He was finally sleeping right through the night by 22 months. Its awful when you are sleep deprived but just remember it won't last forever. Good luck x

I feel sorry for you baby and you're rude. I'm opting out of this thread now because you know best

I don't think your criticism was constructive it was an attack.

Well my partner works from 8am until 8pm so I am alone all day...its very hard.

Also, I forgot to mention, the only way I could get my baby to lay on my chest is by putting the same film on daily (RIO) and he would fall asleep watching it otherwise I would be standing like you.

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor OP us stated several times that she literally can't even sit down while holding the baby for a nap and has to be holding them standing up. She is at braking point.

Have you used a sling??
Does she sleep if you are lying next to her in a bed and cuddling her?

Thank you I need to hear this. I feel that there is a lot of care of baby but what about the mother?

He doesn't much no he wakes a lot and needs dummy and moves and kicks so can't manage sleep beside him :(

My baby is 8 months and has always woken up frequently. When I say frequently I mean every 1-2 hours and sometimes having a sort of split night were she would wake properly in the middle of the night for 2 hours wanting to play. She’s my second. I’m not a bad mum. She naps well in the day and feeds well. She’s a happy baby but she’s not a great night time sleeper. However it’s normal. If you have a better sleeper you’re just lucky.
Having said that. Around 6 months mine got even worse and she was nothing short of horrendous for about a week. The following week she came out in a really bad bout of chicken pox. You never know when they’re sickening for something. Please don’t let your baby cry for two hours. It won’t do anything other than upset them and you. I know it’s gruelling but they do eventually sort themselves out naturally