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Original poster

Sleep training, cries for 2 hours straight? Normal?

218 replies

Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 08:00

Hey guys, I am with a sleep consultant and doing gentle sleep training of parent stay and fade method. We are on day 2 and for all night time wakings, bedtime and naos it takes him over an hour to fall asleep at 1hour 20 mins of crying shortest and went 2 hours yesterday morning and still not asleep. He kicks ans screams and red in face. He is 6 months old.

Has anyone else found this? It makes me so sad and worried about him but desperate to help his sleep and for this to work. I never thought id end up doing this and feel guilty for him.

Every time I read about parents sleep training they always say 'It was horrendous, he cried for 15 minutes'. Well try 2hours!!

Words od encouragement and support or advice needed please :((.

Struggling first time mum X

OP posts:
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 30/07/2021 10:04

Cot by your bed is a good suggestion so you can pat his back.

littledinokitty · 30/07/2021 10:05

We sleep trained at 6 months using the Ferber method of check ins over increasing times. Worked in a few days. My son wasn't comforted by us being in the room, he was just angry that I wouldn't pick him up and feed him to sleep, so a gradual retreat wouldn't have worked for us. Maybe you need to try a less 'gentle' method and just get it over with quicker if your baby is crying anyway and isn't comforted by seeing you?

User1357 · 30/07/2021 10:05

@Sunshineaftermorningrain

Something is wrong?! Bloody hell my baby had contact only naps until 8-9 months. It’s called a baby wanting to be near a parent.

Weirdly, baby is absolutely fine. Your post is ridiculous.

AnnaSW1 · 30/07/2021 10:05

Your baby isn't broken. Stop trying to fix him. This is totally normal and it seems the vast majority of posters, like me, have been through exactly this. Don't leave him to cry out for you. All you're teaching him to do is give up hope that you'll come to comfort him. That's not kind and it's not training him to sleep it's training him to cry himself to sleep, sad that you're not answering his cry. That's the truth of it.

Original poster
Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 10:05

With the method we are using we are with him the whole time. But he just cries. He will cry if not in our arms.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 10:08

Look woman I am looking for advice and help not judgement. People like you should not be on mumsnet if you just want to put others down. Every parent wants to be a good parent.

OP posts:
Schrutesbeets · 30/07/2021 10:08

@Lynstar05

With the method we are using we are with him the whole time. But he just cries. He will cry if not in our arms.
He is probably more stressed that you're in the room and not picking him up, he'll feel ignored. Did you see my last post?
User1357 · 30/07/2021 10:08

@Lynstar05

I honestly think it’s worse that you stay with him whilst this is happening. You are telling your baby that although he’s upset, you aren’t going to respond to him.

If you are absolutely insistent on sleep training, I would definitely try the genital approach of going out of the room and coming back in every few minutes to comfort him.

Staying there whilst he’s upset just seems cruel. He’s not being naughty, he is genuinely distressed.

roarfeckingroarr · 30/07/2021 10:09

This is not normal and it is cruel. Your baby is six months old!!! Why would you do this?

User1357 · 30/07/2021 10:09

*gentle

Sunshineaftermorningrain · 30/07/2021 10:09

I am not saying wrong. I’m saying it is something I can understand op wanting to break. They aren’t tiny babies and are hard to hold and the fact that you can’t sleep yourself or do anything really is a problem!

Original poster
Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 10:10

But did she also wake every time you sat down with her in your arms and need to sleep on you? This is the problem :(

OP posts:
Schrutesbeets · 30/07/2021 10:10

[quote User1357]@Lynstar05

I honestly think it’s worse that you stay with him whilst this is happening. You are telling your baby that although he’s upset, you aren’t going to respond to him.

If you are absolutely insistent on sleep training, I would definitely try the genital approach of going out of the room and coming back in every few minutes to comfort him.

Staying there whilst he’s upset just seems cruel. He’s not being naughty, he is genuinely distressed.[/quote]
Exactly this.

OP, read my first reply about the Ferber method and never leaving DS more then 3 mins x

Original poster
Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 10:11

Yes it is. Where in the day do I get time to wash his bottles or make his food and do dinner etc if he needs to be on me all the time and I cannot even sit with him in my arms sometimes because he wakes up.

OP posts:
Sunshineaftermorningrain · 30/07/2021 10:12

Tbh op I would personally hide the thread and seek other options.

Sleep training isn’t cruel. Overtired babies are. The method suggested by the SC isn’t working, that’s fine, maybe leave it a month, but you are not cruel for wanting sleep. I wish you well Flowers

Original poster
Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 10:12

Right ok maybe because we did the stay and support because we thought and were told and had read its better for them but perhaps not as you said.

OP posts:
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 30/07/2021 10:13

Have you tried a sling for day time? I didn't use one but friends have.

Original poster
Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 10:14

Yes thanks maybe we need to wait until he older just worried he will get worse.

OP posts:
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 30/07/2021 10:15

What he's like now isn't what he'll be like in a month OP,try not to worry x

Original poster
Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 10:16

Thank you, yes perhaps we will wait a while and see if he improves or try something else but not sure what else. Just worried he will get worse. He is napping now innmy arms but I cant even sit down because he cries.

OP posts:
MyFartWillGoOn · 30/07/2021 10:16

I agree with PP having read your update Op

It's probably more upsetting for him to see you there than not

I would try the Ferber method as others have mentioned. I think you may find you have more luck!

Scarletpig1 · 30/07/2021 10:16

I tried the Lucy Wolfe method when my baby was around 8 months but like you he wouldn't stop crying with the stay and support method. It just wasn't right for him at that age. So I just gave up and continue to pick up and comfort back to sleep in my usual way. Tried it again when he was about 16 months and it worked really well. I think 6 months is quite young. Could you wait and try again in a few months?

ShoesEverywhere · 30/07/2021 10:17

It's normal but it doesn't last forever. If you were pretty much paralysed and one person came in to bring your food, change your incontinence wear etc you'd probably get pretty worried as soon as they left the room too - or if they stayed in the room but didn't tend to your need (even if that was just to be touched by another human). It's such a short period they are entirely fully dependent on you and it will pass very soon I'm sure. It sounds silly but I'd give anything for one more night with one of my kids sleeping on me rather than pushing me away!

I did something similar when my youngest was little and I regret it terribly. He still comes into our room and he's seven now, his sister was never sleep trained and was in her own bedroom of her own choice from when she was a toddler. This too shall pass. Good luck x

Original poster
Lynstar05 · 30/07/2021 10:17

Why would I do this? Because he needs to sleep on me and go to sleep on me. He is currently napping on me standing up my back broken, I cannot sit down or he cries.

Plus a million other reasons.

OP posts:
Fashionesta · 30/07/2021 10:18

Why do you need a sleep routine? Why does it matter if he Naps on you? You've had a baby, this is you and your partners job at the moment? I never get people who have babies and then complain about lack of sleep and free time. Why have a baby? And yes I have had a child and I was a single parent whose baby never slept if we didn't cosleep. But I mean that was fine as that is what I signed up for in my mind. Have a baby, care for and nurture them. Babies want to be with you the whole time. It's natural. This time will pass quickly. Please don't leave him to cry.