Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Feeling suicidal due to lack of sleep - 8 month old

221 replies

PocketRocket12 · 30/04/2021 13:17

Hi all.

I genuinely cannot take any more. My 8 month old wakes hourly, screams unless held and rocked and often is awake for hours on end. He will not co sleep, just screams and rolls around more until I stand.

We have tried various forms of gentle and more firm sleep training techniques out of desperation at 7 months. These improved my little one’s sleep and mood massively for a short while but due to a series of events (teething, illness and then moving in with our in laws), little one is more wakeful and hysterical than ever at night.

He is on three good meals, plenty of milk, is usually happy in the day and has only ever slept in his cot day and night - he doesn’t sleep in the car or pram. We have a good routine and have paid lots of money for sleep consultants etc who helped things improve for a short while. Health visitor also can’t offer any form of advice other than the usual (white noise, dark room, routine, food etc... been doing it all since he was tiny).

We are living with my in laws whilst we build a house (also stressful!) and they are very strongly against sleep training of any sort. I can’t bear the argument and fall out when they are being so kind and generous letting us live here for a while so I spend my nights rocking my son for hours on end so the rest of the house can get some rest.

I can’t see a way that our situation will ever improve whilst we live here (another 9 months here).

I am so emotionally exhausted. My husband has crashed his work vehicle twice due to exhaustion. Feel like an absolute failure of a mother. Every night at the 6th/7th wake up I plan how I might kill myself the following morning to make it all stop and to give my son a better caregiver to attend to his needs.

I can’t engage with him in the day properly as I’m so exhausted. I love him dearly but often feel I’ve made a terrible mistake.

Sorry if this sounds dramatic... I’ve slept 6 hours straight twice in 8 months... I didn’t think it was possible to feel this broken and still going.

OP posts:
Divineswirls · 30/04/2021 14:51

I am so sorry you feel like this OP.

You are not alone.

Also do call the Samaritans on 116 123

They are really great to speak to about anything that's on your mind and will be a kind, comforting, listening ear.

Original poster
PocketRocket12 · 30/04/2021 15:02

@Aprilshowersandhail thank you. Did it really help you? Stuck in a bit of a funk of “what on earth can the GP do for me?”

OP posts:
Original poster
PocketRocket12 · 30/04/2021 15:04

Also thank you to all re: co sleeping suggestions and other helpful tips. Little one will NOT co sleep (I know right!). It’s not my ideal but I have considered it and attempted it just to get some energy to try and get on top of how I’m feeling. To be honest I’d sleep with him hanging upside down in a tree if I knew he’d sleep...

OP posts:
Babysharkdododont · 30/04/2021 15:13

Your best bet is to get some sleep, whenever you can. Can you in laws have the baby in the day for a few hours?

YukoandHiro · 30/04/2021 15:14

You're not alone @PocketRocket12 - mine wouldn't co sleep either. Bloody annoying.

It will improve, whether or not you choose to intervene. I'm generally a bit anti training but honest your PILs can get fucked if they're saying they don't agree but also aren't giving you any daily practical help to get through it...

Aprilshowersandhail · 30/04/2021 15:31

GP talked through how sleep patterns work and how to get ds to sleep all night... Was pretty basic and logical tbh. Was expecting it to be Hell as I said I couldn't leave him to cry. It wasn't like that at all.
Life changing honestly..

Original poster
PocketRocket12 · 30/04/2021 16:07

That’s incredible that they did that @Aprilshowersandhail. So far I’ve called mine three times about my son’s sleep and they’ve been thorough in exploring potential food allergies and treating his eczema and wanting me to have anxiety counselling but no practical help or advice in regards to sleep. X

OP posts:
Original poster
PocketRocket12 · 30/04/2021 16:11

Thank you @brushlaptop- feel like super rubbish useless mum who doesn’t know what she’s doing! My friends and sister can’t understand why I’m not at least getting 3/4 hour stretches by now. I genuinely feel like people don’t believe me when I explain how bad it is and sometimes cancel plans because I desperately need to rest when he sleeps in the day. I always lie down when he naps but can’t sleep.., must be overtired.... but lying down is better than nothing. Honestly feel like another mum would have this sorted and my son would be much better off with hubby and in laws. X

OP posts:
Original poster
PocketRocket12 · 30/04/2021 16:28

@Telltaletall Thank you for message. Struggling to get through them all but 1) I am so glad you recovered from your mental health anguish, it truly is an awful place to be when you believe your family are better off without you. 2) Yes he usually does sleep happily in his cot in the day but this week in particular has been the same awful protests day and night - screaming and crying at nap time until I rock him to sleep where he wound previously settle himself down for naps without a fuss. They were my only time of rest (an hour in the morning and sometimes 2 hours after lunch!!!) and now they’ve gone to pot and he wakes after 35 minutes everything seems even more unbearable. X

OP posts:
sausagepastapot · 30/04/2021 16:43

Honey, this too shall pass.

I promise.

We all need you here.

This is temporary- I PROMISE you things will get better.

Hold on. x

YukoandHiro · 30/04/2021 18:00

Oh eczema is terrible for sleep - feel for you. Eczema is very often linked to cmpa and soy and egg allergy, even if it's not Cmpa. How have they ruled those out? Have you had skin prick testing? It's v unreliable under one.

Tubbytele · 30/04/2021 23:23

Dear, sending you a hug from here. Not sure if any of this will help but my 7 month old DS was waking every hour and the only thing that has helped now is safe co-sleeping. He didn't want to at first as he has always been bounced to sleep. My DH bought a night light that displays blue soft lights in the form of waves onto the ceiling, making the whole room go blue and the waves moving. I put that on and then sing twinkle twinkle to him whilst patting his arm. Eventually the sleep pressure would get to him but he still wouldn't fall asleep. So when he starts to whinge then I breastfeed him and he falls asleep. I then co sleep with him and it's massively improved our sleep. Other pp have given great advice so try what works for you and remember that it is a phase, it will pass and will get better.

Mamawell23 · 30/04/2021 23:33

Please sleep train. In 3 days it will all be over! Book them a weekend away and do it.

Mamawell23 · 30/04/2021 23:35

Ps. ThanksThanksThanks

Siameasy · 30/04/2021 23:44

No advice just solidarity. We had exactly the same. I ended up with PND. In hindsight I would sleep train. I never had a second, I was too traumatised.

Unreasonabubble · 30/04/2021 23:58

You MUST tell your GP or Health Visitor that you are not coping.

I have been there, earned the T Shirt.

My first slept from 3 days old! My second, OMG. He NEVER slept. I was exhausted. I also went back to a demanding job after 16 weeks. I was on my knees. I was diagnosed with severe Post Natal Depression. The GP called me and my DH in, told us I could survive this with no medication but it might take 5 years OR I could have medication and it would be a two year journey. We opted for the 2 year journey.

Helenahandbasket1 · 01/05/2021 00:36

Oh OP, I have the greatest sympathy and understanding for you. Frequent wake ups are absolutely unbearable and have such a bad impact on mental health.
There’s another sleep regression at eight months and it sounds like you are going through it. If sleep training techniques have worked for you before they will probably work again. Your DH needs to have a VERY firm word with them about keeping their opinions to themselves and let you crack on with implementing it. You are suicidal and he has had car accidents as a result of disturbed sleep.
How are you feeding? If formula feeding are they willing to take your child for a few hours each night to give you a chance to have a reasonable stretch of sleep? I think it is very easy for people whose babies slept better to judge sleep training.
This won’t go on forever Flowers

Notgoingonholiday · 01/05/2021 00:47

The power of sleep deprivation is unbelievable. I can still remember how physically sick I felt from it with DD. I remember thinking a car crash to get a stay in hospital or even going to prison would be lovely. Totally bonkers ideas but it's desperation. Your baby would not be better off with anyone else. This will pass. Ear plugs for the in laws while you get this sorted is a good idea. Also a night each separately in a hotel will give you some strength back to tackle the situation. It will get better. You are definitely not alone in the situation or the thoughts you are having.

Notgoingonholiday · 01/05/2021 00:50

*obviously prison appealed at the time due to being locked somewhere with nothing to do...not the crime committing part!

Unreasonabubble · 01/05/2021 00:53

@Helenahandbasket1 - OMG! I so relate. I thought that jumping off the roof of the house would be less painful than the pain I was going through.

Unreasonabubble · 01/05/2021 00:56

@Notgoingonholiday - Oh buggar - I blame the Gin... My post just above was really directed at you.

Original poster
PocketRocket12 · 01/05/2021 01:44

I do think we need to sleep train using the techniques we did before. Last time it took 9 days to really take hold as my son is particularly spirited. His protesting is absolutely unbearable so I don’t feel emotionally or physically ready to tackle it with full force yet. I know that may sound ridiculous because the current situation is so terrible and my baby would thrive on some proper sleep too. Think I need to somehow get some rest as suggested in order to bank some energy reserves to change our situation. X

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 01/05/2021 08:21

It doesn't sound ridiculous at all. I abandoned training with my first for exactly that reason - I just couldn't handle it in my fragile state.

I know you're at your wits end. I remember exactly how it feels. If you can hold on to one thing it's that there's a lot of us in this thread to reassure you that it won't be like this for very long... things will get better

YukoandHiro · 01/05/2021 08:22

@Notgoingonholiday I used to fantasise about being knocked down by a car and breaking lots of bones so that I'd end up in hospital for ages but not critically ill...

Still do sometimes tbh. I definitely did during lockdown

YukoandHiro · 01/05/2021 08:26

@PocketRocket12 Let me assure you another mum wouldn't have it sorted. I felt this way too, but all children are different and people who have had easier babies just do not understand. Please ignore them. Come here if you're struggling - lots of us here who know exactly how you feel and what it's like.