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Waiting it out

449 replies

burritofan · 18/09/2019 20:28

Is anyone else following the extremely vague and lazy "wait it out and hope it spontaneously resolves itself, maybe solids/crawling/walking/time/eventual night-weaning/magic/bribery once she can talk or be reasoned with" baby sleep plan?

We're nipple-deep in the four-month regression, which followed fast from the 8-week-jabs endless night poo era, then the 12-week hourly waking growth spurt. Throw early teething,

a late tongue tie division and a crap reaction to 16-week jabs into the mix – all in the same week! Which is when she migrated from Snuzpod to sleeping in my armpit – and you get a shitstorm of night wakings, my solution to which is:

plonk baby (now 21 weeks) in bed with me each night – after first making comatose with boob after rock-solid bedtime routine – and reapply boob as needed. Sometimes sleepily snuggling works in the middle of the night. Sometimes she wakes, babbles, pats around to check I'm there, and resettles. (Rare as a unanimous AIBU? thread, but like sunshine when it happens!)

Sometimes we start the night with a 3-hour chunk, other times 45 minutes. Some nights she wakes up only 4 times, others what feels like 4,000. Very little crying unless more teeth/colds, in which case howling then calpol and boob and a lie-in if she grants it. (I know the advice is to wake at the same time each day but (a) the baby wakes herself at the crack of dawn most days and when she doesn't (b) if she was up for two hours howling because of her teeth, I'm not going to enforce a wake-up for the sake of some Gina Ford nonsense.)

The 45-minute wake-ups are guaranteed if I put her down in her sidecar crib now, or even if leave the room – sometimes she wakes straight away if I try to swap with DP. Even in deep sleep she has a batlike sense for my being in the room. She generally starts the night starfished on the bed; as the night goes on she gets more unsettled and likes my armpit to snuggle into best. Perhaps it's the woolly mammoth furriness?

She's not great at feeding lying down but I'm persevering because I'm lazy. Occasionally I attempt the pull-off thing of putting my finger in her mouth to delatch once she's asleep but I'm too knackered to do it consistently or time it to gradually reduce feeds, I think I'm doing it in a half-hearted "gosh I really should sort this sleep thing". Mostly I do it so I can go to sleep if I'm feeding sitting up. I've no idea how to shhhh-pat; PUPD seems like an awful lot of effort with a heavy baby when I could be lying down, and deeply confusing; gradual chair or whatever makes me want to weep with exhaustion more than the current situation; CC or CIO is neverrrrrrr going to happen. On the other hand, I have wistful recollections of evenings, of my lovely DP, of times when I ate dinner somewhere other than over a snoozing baby's head in the dark...

Basically is anyone else doing what I'm doing to improve their baby's sleep, i.e. not very much at all, and wants to commiserate while we ride it out, slash create bad habits, construct towering Jengas of rods for backs, build sleep crutches, and generally arse it up? Any experienced "totally winged it and it worked out fine" mothers want to share delightful stories of "Oh one day he just pushed the boob away, fell asleep and did 12 hours and it's been a fairytale ever since, I got my bed and my sex life back" lazy parenting magic?

DP & I are softies who plan on an open-door policy of "if the kid can't sleep because of nightmares or growing pains, come on in our bed, they're only little", have fond memories of childhood shenanigans of sleeping on the landing or sneaking down to see what the grown-ups are doing, BUT also have no interest in "giant floor bed co-sleeping til 20" and quite like each other and the idea of the kid in her own room eventually, it would be nice to have some hope.

::rambles on in a sleep-deprived manner while teething DD snores on my shoulder, preps coffee machine for tomorrow, hopes there are other chaotic parents out there doing the absolute least::

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Harrysmummy246 · 26/10/2019 13:13

@OhHolyNightWaking

Know what you mean about CC. Never ever ever happening in this house. And you know what? He sleeps better (when not ill) than he did, we don't boob any more and I didn't further trigger my PND with the guilt. It was bloody tough but I firmly believe that biologically, if an ape would see to their baby, I'm damn well doing it too.

We briefly tried bedtime bottle. Didn't really ever get going and then teeth were part of the equation and so more brushing would be needed.

I pottered about putting washing away last night while DS sort of got settled and was firm about the 'cuddle doesn't mean lie on top of mummy and wriggle'. Bedtime took about the same time but I didn't lose my mind in the process. I went through about 2 as I couldn't bloody sleep (AGAIN) and he woke at 6:55 (that's mega early here!)

Sadly despite being up, the river is not behaving so there was no rowing even with improvement in sinusitis :(

Teddyreddy · 26/10/2019 14:11

@Whuut I never managed to get DC1 to take a bottle, but we did get to the point DH could do bedtime without me. I started doing bedtime feeds in our rocking chair, rocking while I was feeding. I then started unlatching him before he was properly asleep, and finishing off by rocking him to sleep. We then swapped so I did the feed and sometimes DH did the rocking. On the couple of times I then went out, DH could rock DC1 to sleep. DC1 would then wake at 11 ish for the feed he'd missed but it at least got me an evening off. It did take quite a while though, and I didn't bother with DC2 - just waited until nursery taught her to nap without breastfeeds.

We tried CC with DC1 out of desperation when he was about 8 months but he ended up hysterical and after about 30 min we couldn't cope with leaving him anymore. It took over 30 min to calm him down and another 30 or so to get him to sleep - there is no way he would have got to sleep by himself. CC doesn't always work!

DC3 has just boobed to sleep rather than in the sling which is progress, and as DH is here I can sit down and enjoy the sleepy snuggles.

Whuut · 26/10/2019 18:13

@Harrysmummy246 Exactly! If my baby needs me, I'm there. I wouldn't be able to ignore his cries, even if they were just for attention. Sorry you're struggling to sleep, it's the worst. Especially when they actually decide to sleep for a considerable amount of time and you just lay there counting down the minutes til they wake Hmm

@Teddyreddy I got far too cocky, he basically trolled me. He took the bottle so well the other day, I just assumed that he would from now on. Nope. Today wasn't having any of it, although, I think he may have a bit of a cold so wanting lots more comfort. Thanks for the advice tho, that sounds like a good method. Only problem, I don't have a rocking chair and the thought of bouncing on the yoga ball at night aswell fills me with dread. At what age could your DH do bedtime? DP has put DS down for all his naps today in the hope he'll get used to being with him for sleep time. Oh no that sounds horrendous, I just wouldn't be able to do it but people love to push it on you saying it 'saved them', that's great but, not for me. Ah sweet, I'm currently enjoying the sleepy, snotty, milky cuddles.

Harrysmummy246 · 26/10/2019 18:21

Well at 2.4 I basically still have to do bedtime if I'm in the house I'm afraid @whuut. There hasn't even been any boobing for 6 months!

OhHolyNightWaking · 26/10/2019 19:18

Bedtime boobing check-in.

My flippant "nothing could make it worse" was clearly tempting fate because last night was abysmal and DD was awake from 10:30-1am. Sleepyhead seemed successful initially but she's got a cough so kept waking, then I switched her into the bed with me, but because she had the sleeping bag on she was getting hot and bothered. In the end I had to change her into a sleepsuit, but she got super upset as she was tired and then wouldn't/couldn't go back to sleep. So tonight we're back to the old way.

She has been cranky as anything today. Proper rage baby. Presumably due to lack of sleep last night and possibly teething.

I felt totally broken last night and haven't felt great all day. I think I am going to take her to see a cranial osteopath as I am convinced she is in some kind of discomfort when she wakes lying down, as she always writhes around and cries. It could also be wind, as solids have made her super gassy and often she cries then farts. I am wondering if pre/probiotics could help with this. Probably grasping at straws but it keeps me from going completely crackers.

Hope everyone has a "good" (whatever your personal interpretation of the word is) night!

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 26/10/2019 21:20

We're at the in-laws for a few days and tonight DH and I foolishly discussed the possibility of popping out to the pub next door once both children were asleep. Bloody jinx.

Bedtime began at 7ish and DD went to bed beautifully by 8. DS has been draining me dry since 7.15, and finally popped off just before 9. I thought "you had a lot of food today, plus all this milk, I'll just keep you upright a minute or two before I transfer you"

Cue exorcist quantities of adult smelling vomit. Covering me, him, my bed, his bed, my bare feet, the carpet, and narrowly missing the cat.

FML, I'd never get past the doorman smelling looking like this, even if it takes DS less than his standard both-boobs-twice-in-two-hours to get back to sleep after this little contretemps.

Lessthanzero · 26/10/2019 21:28

Not rtft but reading your op really made me miss my dd and night time snuggled.

Dds 10 months and we've just put her in her own cot after Co sleeping pretty much since birth.

It was the right time and the right thing to do, but I miss having my baby to cuddle all night.

bottomflannel · 27/10/2019 06:27

Hope the clocks going back hasn’t been too evil for everyone this morning. We’ve been up a lot of the night and seem to be starting our day at 6am, but it could be worse I guess.

Whuut · 27/10/2019 07:44

AAARTHHHGDHDBDH. I just wrote a whole message and wriggly DS pressed back on my phone.. I give up on today.

@JohnLapsleyParlabane I did the same thing, the other day I said to DP "I think I'll put DS to bed, come into the living room and see how he does", took an hour to get him down, woke up 10 minutes later then took another hour of crying/feeding to get him back to sleep.. I should have known better. Sorry you didn't get your drink in the pub, hopefully you get another chance- in 18 years or so.

@bottomflannel After thinking about the clocks going back all week, I forgot. DS has been waking up at 5.30 for the day for the last few days so I can't blame the clocks, he threatened 4am this morning but managed to keep him down til 5.15.

DS is poorly for the first time, nothing bad just a cold. I put him down for a nap yesterday at 5.30ish but he had other ideas and went down for the night, the worst night it could have happened on! He then woke at 8 very grumpy so I quickly changed him and took him to bed, wake ups were hourly til 5.15 this morning.. On my second cup of tea already.

@Lessthanzero I know I'm going to miss the cuddles when they go! Great that you guys did it at the right time for you all.

Whuut · 27/10/2019 07:46

@JohnLapsleyParlabane Also, we spend most of our days covered in sick(just milk though), yesterday both DS and I got changed 3 times before 9am Hmm

I think his reflux is back, poor boy.

Harrysmummy246 · 27/10/2019 11:38

No nap, down at 7 in minutes after no crabbiness or dinner refusal. Woke at 7:40 screaming. Nurofen. Nothing too half 5 then snuggles with mummy til half 7. Brill!

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 27/10/2019 12:58

Oh @Whuut I'm sorry to hear that. DS was pretty sicky for the first 4 months, it's rubbish seeing them so uncomfortable. I think that last night he'd just eaten too much and sort of overflowed.
We got him down by 10 and my lovely FIL provided a nice bottle of red and a surprise bag of crisps Grin

Whuut · 27/10/2019 21:53

@JohnLapsleyParlabane Ah not all bad then. Yeah it's really horrible, it was awful when he was very young, now we only have the occasional projectile but he is at least a little sick after almost every feed.

Tonight I decided to brave it. I put DS down at 7.30, asleep by 8, I went into the living room and watched TV. I sat in silence, on the edge of my seat, waiting for DS to start crying. 9.30 comes- I'm knackered, but still no sound from him! I can't believe it, it may well be a fluke but if this is a any kind of step towards me having an evening to myself(and DP) I'm happy. And completely knackered because tbh after a 5.15am start I was ready for bed before DS. But I was determined to have an evening! And I did, it just consisted of yawning at the TV.

Loaf90 · 27/10/2019 21:57

All sounds very chaotic Confused

Loaf90 · 27/10/2019 21:58

Baby's probably as confused as I am!

burritofan · 28/10/2019 07:34

Hope the clocks going back hasn’t been too evil for everyone this morning.
She was up at 5 but it was DP's problem, not mine, because I planned our weekend lie-ins well!

Unfortunately she was then up at 5 today, too – tried to keep her up for a 7pm bedtime last night but she was having none of it. Fingers crossed this isn't the new normal. She has started doing an hour-long lunch nap in the pram, though, FINALLY. Halfway to unicorn territory!

Sorry to hear of everyone's vomitathons, but impressed by John's use of the word "contretemps" in the face of serious sleep deprivation.

@Whuut I've been reclaiming my evenings too! Have to resettle DD after 50 minutes, and miss out on her next big block of sleep (max 2 hours so not exactly a hardship), but it feels like progress before separation anxiety and the 8-9-month regression undoes it all.

OP posts:
burritofan · 28/10/2019 07:36

@Loaf90 ::The:: baby.

Are you perhaps on the wrong thread?

OP posts:
JohnLapsleyParlabane · 28/10/2019 08:41

Burrito pram naps?!? Wonderful news.
We're on an inset day here so DD isn't at nursery and we aren't running to her usual routine. I'm hoping that will put her internal clock into alignment

OhHolyNightWaking · 28/10/2019 09:16

Loaf90 what a twatty post. Angry

@burritofan - good news on the pram naps, that's awesome. Unicorn territory indeed. Grin

We're still on the hourly waking and I'm mildly delerious. Last night I snuck away once she was asleep and watched an episode of The Good Place with DH before going back up. Of course I woke her up getting back into bed. I think I need to sort out the spare bed so I can sleep in there until she wakes up (on the nights I am able to escape back downstairs).

Clocks caused DD to try and wake up at 4am (new time) and I spent nearly two hours flipping her between boobs until she finally went back to sleep for an hour or so... which seems pointless perhaps, but I felt like it was some kind of victory.

DD currently asleep in the sling as today is a two-children-one-mum day. DS is watching TV while I stand in the doorway swaying! Gin

bottomflannel · 28/10/2019 12:54

OhHoly Ditto on the two-children-one-mum scenario. I feel like utter shit (have finally caught the cold that the rest of the family have had) and had a horrendous night and DS2 is having less than catnaps. Just back from town and he is just grizzly af and won’t be put down so I can cook lunch. Deliveroo it is. DS1 is a little diamond, pushed the empty pram (of course it was empty, don’t know why I bother taking it anywhere) back to the car while I carried a wriggly squawking DS2.

Home now, thankfully.

Oh and piss off Loaf.

bottomflannel · 28/10/2019 13:18

Oh, and if I hear anyone else say how PORTABLE babies are, I am going to scream.

OhHolyNightWaking · 28/10/2019 18:57

Bless you @bottomflannel! How old is your DS1?

Whuut · 28/10/2019 20:23

@burritofan Last night I too missed the 'long' stretch of 2 hours, I then woke hourly with DS til 6am- his morning has become earlier and I don't like it. Tonight I did the same, he woke after 30mins and I'm now feeding back to sleep.

We too are in unicorn territory as DS has had 2, 1hr 15min naps today!! The other 2 were 20 minutes long but we wont talk about that. They were both on me but I still feel this is progress. He also took the bottle again today which I'm so pleased about, I felt quite down after him rejecting it yesterday- I said to DP in a moment(day) of rage "Its fine I just wont ever have a fucking minute to myself ever again!" I later apologised..

bottomflannel · 28/10/2019 20:51

OhHoly He’s eight.

OhHolyNightWaking · 29/10/2019 03:02

@bottomflannel

Ah, I wondered why he was so much more helpful than my 3 y.o. DS! Grin

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