Let's all talk about MUMSNET shall we?

[CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell]

I'm pasting a post that is getting lost in the fighting and bitching going on. I hope it makes a difference. I have to go as I have ill children to tend to, but feel free to post your own thoughts on how we can get Mumsnet back to normality.

Mumsnet has been made to look like it's dominated by swearing, airheaded, middle class mothers in The Independent with nowt better to do than stomp around in their Boden jeans having a tant about a group of anonymous posters on a parenting site.

I'm sure that for the Moldie members it must be lovely to be able to discuss personal things in private and confidence without some name changing troll pissing all over your posts. It must be lovely to disclose your thoughts and problems with like-minded friends without worrying about it being taken the wrong way or having those dreaded Mumsnetters that you don't like, daring to come onto your thread.

As a lot of us who have been on Mumsnet for many years, it does hurt to have people name-changing to make personal and very hurtful attacks on you, which I presume never happens on Moldies.

So may I make a suggestion? Instead of bickering like the loons The Independent clearly think we are, how about we make Mumsnet even better? A site we can be proud of and feel safe posting on?

MNHQ - is there any way that name-changers who do so to personally attack other posters, can have a stiffer punishment? Perhaps banning from the site with no warning? Is there any way we can make Mumsnet a nicer, safer place to post?

Because right now, all we seem to be doing is giving the Moldies justification for the existance of their site.

I'm sure we'd all like to be able to post without fear of being personally attacked or having our real life covers blown. So why don't we work towards that this New Year? Because if I wanted to join Mumsnet right now for some support and advice, I'd be really put off.

And isn't that what Mumsnet is for? For people who are struggling, who need a bit of support and advice? Who can liaise in confidence with other parents and share experiences, problems and achievements? If I wanted a little forum to just talk to friends I can set one up, but I joined Mumsnet to get help and advice and to offer some where I could. I still get a kick out of feeling that my post has really helped, that my contribution has been worth something to someone. And whenever I have an issue, Mumsnet is one of the first places I turn to for advice and support.

Let's keep it that way shall we?

Who's with me on this one?

No question, Mumsnet has grown hugely in the 5 years I have been posting (and lurked for almost a year before).

Obviously, growth means change. But sheer size - while it may make Mumsnet a viable commercial enterprise for the founders and advertisers - has made it more impersonal here. As it has become more impersonal, I think there has been much more mean-spirited aggression and unpleasantness. Trolls are much more common, as are name-changers who wish to provoke a fight and insult others, virtual stalking, etc.

Justine and Carrie (and others) have made this an amazing resource for mothers and others. But given what has been occurring regularly (not odd one-offs), I can't help wondering if it isn't time for a more heavily moderated Mumsnet Talk forum?

We've talked about charging a small amount to sign up to the site, introducing a waiting period after sign up before posting priviledges are activated, more swift and permanent sanctions of those who abuse the site, etc.

Just as Mumsnet has changed over the years, maybe the way posts are managed needs to change to preserve the integrity of the site and protect those who post here.

On balance recent events were quite healthy,
some of the moldies really were having a bad time on MN
so it's good they have found happiness elsewhere.

I do feel sorry for the people caught in the cross-fire
but give it a few weeks and everyone will be friends again -
if your friendships were as strong and real as you thought they were.
And if not, at least you know where you stand.

I sympathise with people who mourn the old Mumsnet. I am sorry about your loss.

When you're finished mourning, though, come and join everyone else
in Active Convos. It is still a pretty good place.

And NO actually, I disagree with virtually all the suggestions for
tinkering with the MN format.
Away from the Moldies threads there is, from what I have seen,
a great deal less trolling, name-changing and nastiness than in the past.

I am telling you: people are nice out there

I like the idea of deleting posts after a year

but would also say that the Moldie saga has had a cathartic effect and MN is a better (and funnier) place as a result

a certain amount of navel-gazing is allowed I think

(how is your DD Rhuby? Did the ABs work?)

There isn't really a way to prevent trolls, we just need to be able to remove them when it happens, which is fine for the bitchy/nasty posts, but not easy for the misleading posts. Not sure what the solution is. Don't really see what preventing name changing (if it could be done at all) would solve either.

Lots of good ideas.

I hope MNHQ does pay attention to all these great ideas. Lots of MNers have been on the receiving end of unwanted attention, and only ever has negative connotations. It makes people less trusting (hence yells of "troll" so much more often). And it makes people not want to be here as much.

I appreciate that my comments might not be taken on board, but one of the things that has come up several times is long serving member lounges (whilst it sounds offputting) is a good idea. It stops people signing up with a new IP and email, and causing so much trouble. I'm talking 30-60 days not years, but long enough to put trouble-makers off. Namechangeing could be limited within these areas too perhaps?

But is that not in effect the same thing as delayed activation of your registration? The lounge might be fine but the wider board would still have the same problems?

My pennies worth is that mnet headquarters has to treat posters equally and not let anyone get away with treating others awfully as they are better known posters.

On one other site you have a count of how many posts & how long a member - this could be good on the profile page on here.

well, folks could still post instantly that way for urgent things that way is what i was thinking

I'm shooting down loads of ideas, don't have any in response The internet by its nature is anonymous, even if you have a fixed ISP you can easily bypass it using software (websites I think). Plus the definition of troll is so vague - again I can't improve on it. I can prove I have a valid email address, can give you my ISP, address, credit card details (well I could ) but what would that prove exactly?
I bet someone somewhere has written a book on exactly this sort of thing.

Namechanging should be kept the same as now.

and, it would protect other posters a bit more for the more sensitive stuff?

sorry - disjointed posting - trying to rally children into tidying up pompoms nad glitter!

true...that would bring its own problems though, as presumably the 'lounge' would become MN, and the 'kitchen' would become a poor relation with a lot fewer posts. Probably just a lot of "Hi - I'm new"s.
Hmmmmm

But, in order to keep new people coming in and 'maintain' Mumsnet, then it would be all MNers' duty to make sure the newbies were attended to (like on the unanswered threads). Because we want to keep new blood coming in, dont we?

VVVQV - are you not still a member of Moldies?

I agree that Mumsnet actually started to become a bit of a nicer place and since I found out about the other site, well perhaps those who were dissatisfied with Mumsnet and wanted to 'own' it have now buggered off!

effie - the abs took ages to work and she was pretty much deaf throughout the whole of Christmas, plus very miserable, off colour, lethargic etc. She still isn't right. It's been awful.

sorry to hear she's still ill

I'm sure the rest over Xmas will have done her good tho - tis the season to be bundled up in front of the telly with comfort food

Haven't read the whole thread (sorry!)

BUT one area where MN is different to many other sites is that anyone can view threads without having to register to be a member. This allows trolls, journalists etc to get the feel of the place before or even without posting.

Well, she didn't engage with Christmas at all. She wasn't excited opening presents, she didn't eat (has only just started eating again), she couldn't hear what was going on, she was just so so sad. Even her beloved grandma (dh's mum) couldn't cheer her up.

We were actually going to spend New Year at a friends, but have cancelled it to get everyone back to health. ds has also been very ill, high temp, tummy aches, he's rubbed his top lip red raw, he cries at least twice a night because of his tummy and he has the most nastiest of coughs.

I have a pretty bad cough and everytime I do cough the grape hanging out of my arse pinches and I wince in pain.

Still, there's always next Christmas!

Is it particularly relevant rhubarb?

yes it is

Well I am gonna stick my neck out here.

I have been very busy on the run up to the festive season and aint got an effin jeffin clue what this Moldies business is all about.

What I can tell you is that I have found such wonderful support on here from, to start of with from complete strangers, who have now become good friends of off MN. I still get support from strangers wether they are new, old or in the middle I don't care.

MN was introduced to me as a supportive community of men and women with plenty of experience of life. I love it here and it saddens me to see that it has descended into a playground.

However, in any environment you will have the geeks, tarts, posh totty, hunks, know it alls, bullies, racists etc etc and MN is not exempt from this.

I try not to get involved with the extreme posts and stick with what and who I know.

May I take this opportunity to thank all of my MN friends for being there for me this year and wish you all a Happy New Year.

Sorry VVVQV, but I know that some Moldies left that site and as you are contributing to this thread and providing useful advice on how to make Mumsnet better, that you were one of them. Committed to making Mumsnet a better place and welcoming to all newbies.

So I presume you have left and are working with us?

Lovely name vagina, and a great post!

Thanks Rhubarb

Just to reiterate what Carrie said on the other thread, "we'll certainly be giving your suggestions some thought once Mumsnet Towers is back to full strength in the New Year.'

Peace and goodwill to all

Nice one OP, I love MN.

This is about my fourth name on here, once because sil nearly outed me and the rest just for sth to do...

I loved it pre-the moldie saga, during and post-moldie saga.(Agree with EffieP though about the cathartic effect, it's cleared the air a bit like a thunderstorm)

I love it that people can help you out with most problems and more often than not, help you see the funny side. Love it that people can (for the mostpart!) spell (pedantic, moi?) and have informed opinions.

There's no where else like it on the net.