Let's all talk about MUMSNET shall we?

[CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell]

I'm pasting a post that is getting lost in the fighting and bitching going on. I hope it makes a difference. I have to go as I have ill children to tend to, but feel free to post your own thoughts on how we can get Mumsnet back to normality.

Mumsnet has been made to look like it's dominated by swearing, airheaded, middle class mothers in The Independent with nowt better to do than stomp around in their Boden jeans having a tant about a group of anonymous posters on a parenting site.

I'm sure that for the Moldie members it must be lovely to be able to discuss personal things in private and confidence without some name changing troll pissing all over your posts. It must be lovely to disclose your thoughts and problems with like-minded friends without worrying about it being taken the wrong way or having those dreaded Mumsnetters that you don't like, daring to come onto your thread.

As a lot of us who have been on Mumsnet for many years, it does hurt to have people name-changing to make personal and very hurtful attacks on you, which I presume never happens on Moldies.

So may I make a suggestion? Instead of bickering like the loons The Independent clearly think we are, how about we make Mumsnet even better? A site we can be proud of and feel safe posting on?

MNHQ - is there any way that name-changers who do so to personally attack other posters, can have a stiffer punishment? Perhaps banning from the site with no warning? Is there any way we can make Mumsnet a nicer, safer place to post?

Because right now, all we seem to be doing is giving the Moldies justification for the existance of their site.

I'm sure we'd all like to be able to post without fear of being personally attacked or having our real life covers blown. So why don't we work towards that this New Year? Because if I wanted to join Mumsnet right now for some support and advice, I'd be really put off.

And isn't that what Mumsnet is for? For people who are struggling, who need a bit of support and advice? Who can liaise in confidence with other parents and share experiences, problems and achievements? If I wanted a little forum to just talk to friends I can set one up, but I joined Mumsnet to get help and advice and to offer some where I could. I still get a kick out of feeling that my post has really helped, that my contribution has been worth something to someone. And whenever I have an issue, Mumsnet is one of the first places I turn to for advice and support.

Let's keep it that way shall we?

Who's with me on this one?

Why is it relevant flamey/rhubarb? What difference do you think it makes - if any?

As an alternative to deleting threads quicker what about making the archives harder to search?

Erm, I just said, I thought you were posting more often now and your helpful contributions on this thread led me to believe that you had left because of all the upset and had decided to re-establish yourself with Mumsnet. That's all.

Sorry I've obviously offended you in some way.

I've no wish to start the whole topic again, so forget I mentioned it ok?

I just wondered why it was relevant. If it was an issue, it's something else to consider and work through. I'm not offended. Just taken aback.

I think there are some good ideas and some that would be unworkable on this thread.

I have always argued for keeping namechanging, because I've had so much fun with it in the past - I've never namechanged to be malicious (truly, Rhubarb - I'm sure I've been under suspicion of it in the R&C camp at times!), just for fun (names like WhimsicalTrifle).

Recently, I've reported a couple of namechangers and had confirmation that they were trolls (well, one troll in particular, a very sad cow who can't seem to keep it in her pants where one poster is concerned fgs). But MN are on top of that sort of thing pretty quickly, imo and ime (the poor sods - at all hours of the night and day often!).

And if someone wants to set up a long-term troll persona for the purposes of scamming MNers, they'll do it, regardless of the measures in place.

On balance, I'd still be in favour of keeping namechanging.

BUT - how about you have to sign up using a credit or debit card and if you troll, MN fine you one million pounds (or a fiver)?

And I'm still a Moldie, but I have a lot of affection for MN, the MN that Rhubarb describes further down the thread, the one where you can post for laughs, or for support, or in labour and have a cheer squad encouraging you and then a zillion texts to say, "Have you had the baby yet? What did you have? What do you MEAN they tried to give him formula?!! How very DARE they!!!".

So I don't see that it matters where you post, but it does matter what you post. And I've tried my utmost to be fair and reasonable across this whole debacle.

I love a comedic name change. I think we should just let mumsnet settle again. I think we have had a cathartic experience and have come out all the better for it.

Hunker, I said a bit earlier that I think MN is unusual in that anyone can read the threads without having to sign up to be a member.

Basically I agree that people should be made to register somehow before they can view or contribute. How about a 2 week or one month trial period where if you haven't posted you have to re-apply?

Would that help MN keep an eye on people (trolls, journos etc) or am I talking crap? (as per usual)

Sorry - for me it just helps to put views in perspective iyswim

I think if you have to sign up to register and you're a journo or well-known person, you're unlikely to sign up with "[email protected]" - you'll sign up as "[email protected]" - so forcing registration before viewing wouldn't necessarily solve it. I know that I often cannot be arsed to register (and risk spamalot in my inbox) on other fora - plus, I forget my password. So I think it would have a negative impact on traffic - which MNHQ are obviously not going to be keen on for understandable reasons!

I think a reassertion (and maybe rewriting) of the rules all round is a good idea - it says clearly that personal attacks are not allowed for example, but people still throw insults around. It might even be more important to be kind (esp to new or vulnerable posters) than funny .

The whole issue, for me, was that on Mumsnet you are equal, on a par with everyone else. You are not judged because of your background, race, creed, accent, looks or whatever. That is what makes Mumsnet unique and special to me and I don't think Moldies has that.

This site is welcoming to all, the point is that you don't have to 'prove' yourself in any way.

But perhaps an idea would be to ask people to register first before even viewing any of the posts? I've always been a bit uncomfortable that my posts can be found by Google and viewed by anyone. I mean, who would read the posts just for the fun of it? If journos wanted to quote someone, then they'd have to register first. I'd be much happier with that.

I think om reflection it would be good if people had to register before viewing posts if that would stop our posts being googleable. Would it?

Would you register without being able to see posts first? I know I wouldn't have done. I like to know what I'm letting myself in for first.

LOL at idea of Boris JOhnson renaming himself as Zebedee Boing. Suits him!

I'm 99.9% sure that MNHQ won't agree to it being registration before you view - because it would seriously limit their traffic. How many times do posters say they found the site because they googled something about their situation and MN popped up (be it bfing, weaning, potty training, etc)? It's one of the reasons I have fought tooth and nail with the wishy-washy "Yeah, but it's just my experience, innit and my baby WAS fine having a bit of mince and tatties in his bottle at a week old, so my opinion's as valid as yours" - because the site is so accessible and I think it's important that most up-to-date, researched guidance is on here for that sort of query. Otherwise - well, there's Bounty

That is a point MaryMOther (Peachy??) I stumbled over mumsnet by accident, read posts and thought I would like it here.

Maybe we just need to accept we are adults and should behave as such.

Good thoughts CR/Rhubarb

" I've never namechanged to be malicious (truly, Rhubarb - I'm sure I've been under suspicion of it in the R&C camp at times!), "

Why do you say that hunker?

lol at zebedee! Yes I agree it would put some people off but I think mnhq should come up with something a little stronger than current policy to deter potential abuse of the site.

Rhubarb, MN is highly judgey!! (not on all of the terms you list but plenty of them)

If you think that Moldies is the preserve of white, middle-class, educated, home-owning people then I have no idea why I was asked to join! Unless it's meeting targets!

Because I'm pretty sure it's true, Rhubarb! I'm saying it in a very neutral way, I promise - no rile here (plenty of Christmas cake though - want some? DH made it ).

Can't think off the top of my head which threads that might have been on.

But in some ways, this thread is now making me feel a little uncomfy. As VVVQV asked if her membership of Moldies made a difference, I have to say, thinking about it, it does. Conversing with people who may or may not have decided that you were not suitable for their group does nothing for my confidence I can tell you!

Of course this is my problem and as such I shall have to deal with it. But that's where I stand.

It makes my confidence feel a bit shit too. But please don't let this thread be another moldie thread.

No, I know there is a danger of that. So I'll sign out.