Let's all talk about MUMSNET shall we?

[CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell]

I'm pasting a post that is getting lost in the fighting and bitching going on. I hope it makes a difference. I have to go as I have ill children to tend to, but feel free to post your own thoughts on how we can get Mumsnet back to normality.

Mumsnet has been made to look like it's dominated by swearing, airheaded, middle class mothers in The Independent with nowt better to do than stomp around in their Boden jeans having a tant about a group of anonymous posters on a parenting site.

I'm sure that for the Moldie members it must be lovely to be able to discuss personal things in private and confidence without some name changing troll pissing all over your posts. It must be lovely to disclose your thoughts and problems with like-minded friends without worrying about it being taken the wrong way or having those dreaded Mumsnetters that you don't like, daring to come onto your thread.

As a lot of us who have been on Mumsnet for many years, it does hurt to have people name-changing to make personal and very hurtful attacks on you, which I presume never happens on Moldies.

So may I make a suggestion? Instead of bickering like the loons The Independent clearly think we are, how about we make Mumsnet even better? A site we can be proud of and feel safe posting on?

MNHQ - is there any way that name-changers who do so to personally attack other posters, can have a stiffer punishment? Perhaps banning from the site with no warning? Is there any way we can make Mumsnet a nicer, safer place to post?

Because right now, all we seem to be doing is giving the Moldies justification for the existance of their site.

I'm sure we'd all like to be able to post without fear of being personally attacked or having our real life covers blown. So why don't we work towards that this New Year? Because if I wanted to join Mumsnet right now for some support and advice, I'd be really put off.

And isn't that what Mumsnet is for? For people who are struggling, who need a bit of support and advice? Who can liaise in confidence with other parents and share experiences, problems and achievements? If I wanted a little forum to just talk to friends I can set one up, but I joined Mumsnet to get help and advice and to offer some where I could. I still get a kick out of feeling that my post has really helped, that my contribution has been worth something to someone. And whenever I have an issue, Mumsnet is one of the first places I turn to for advice and support.

Let's keep it that way shall we?

Who's with me on this one?

I am with you Cliff. Always and forever. I promise to be nice all the time I am here.

or

I shall sit on my hands when my mood is a tad strange.

Will this do the job?

Thing is, people have emailed MN before now re trolls and got back quite ambiguous responses - you know, "Be vigilant, we can't say for sure, keep an eye" - which are totally fair enough, but when you then see a load of posters pouring out their soul to someone who you are sure is just plain lying, it's hard not to post.

I'm thinking of the woman who posted the world's most premature surviving baby photo and passed it off as her own (after a short and tortuous story involving domestic abuse). I posted a link to the photo she'd put on her profile - and fortunately other people saw before she deleted the photo from her profile, or it would just have looked like I was posting photos of prem babies on her thread in some sort of sick fuckery way!

pfffft

oh sorry

that was to blokey

I think the troll accusations are a necessary consequence of light moderation. Most things are done out in the open. It isn't the fluffiest site, I'll give you that!

I have been watching this (and other) recent threads with interest. Some of the threads I have read were far more nasty than most of my playground experience (omg at least 20 years ago now...) and have really made me go

Agree that probably the best way to deal with bullies/bitchiness/trolling is just to ignore it and report it? With no public reaction these people will surely (?) go away eventually? Even telling people to stop is giving them the reaction they are looking for. Just a thought.

I joined MN earlier this year whilst pregnant with my third child. (I wish I had found it 6 years ago when I was pregnant with DC1). I struggled with BF with both the other two, and without MN I am pretty sure I wouldn't now still be BF at 15 weeks with DD . For that, I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart.

Gosh Tnog, that is rather not nice saying thing to other people on other threads and and and and and ha ha ha ha HA!

Na na na na.

Sorry.

I remeber that Hunker that was a bit sick.

I have been called a "troll" before but I am not. Iam just me. Loop little me. No bridge, no orange hair [today].

remember.

better.

JJ:

THE NATURAL LIFE CYCLE OF MAILING LISTS

Every list seems to go through the same cycle:

1. Initial enthusiasm (people introduce themselves, and gush a lot about how wonderful it is to find kindred souls).

1. Evangelism (people moan about how few folks are posting to the list, and brainstorm recruitment strategies).

1. Growth (more and more people join, more and more lengthy threads develop, occasional off-topic threads pop up)

1. Community (lots of threads, some more relevant than others; lots of information and advice is exchanged; experts help other

experts as well as less experienced colleagues; friendships develop; people tease each other; newcomers are welcomed with generosity and patience; everyone-newbie and expert alike-feels comfortable asking questions, suggesting answers, and sharing opinions)

1. Discomfort with diversity (the number of messages increases dramatically; not every thread is fascinating to every

reader; people start complaining about the signal-to-noise ratio; person 1 threatens to quit if other people don't limit discussion to person 1's pet topic; person 2 agrees with person 1; person 3 tells 1 & 2 to lighten up; more bandwidth is wasted complaining about off-topic threads than is used for the threads themselves; everyone gets annoyed)

6a. Smug complacency and stagnation (the purists flame everyone who asks an 'old' question or responds with humor to a serious post; newbies are rebuffed; traffic drops to a doze-producing level of a few minor issues; all interesting discussions happen by private email and are limited to a few participants; the purists spend lots of time self-righteously congratulating
each other on keeping off-topic threads off the list)

OR

6b. Maturity (a few people quit in a huff; the rest of the participants stay near stage 4, with stage 5 popping up briefly
every few weeks; many people wear out their second or third 'delete' key, but the list lives contentedly ever after)

I have been around for 3 years now

tbh I name change to protect my identity

I use this site to get support and give it thats all

I love the brutal honesty of MN, somethings maybe some of us dont want to hear
I have witnessed an awful lot of nastiness on here and in the past I have been accused of trolling for just having an opinion but that never stops me getting back on here

If I can help others I will that is how I see MN

I think you should have to register before you can post on here, that does leave posters vulnerable to attacks by trolls

Ponders, that's it! Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking of. Did you google that or are you someone else? Oh, now I'm going to be curious, sob. Thanks for posting!

I googled it, JJ - it's been around for years

thumbwitch - i think that would only work if people stopped asking if you were. If I'm asked - it puts me in a rather difficult position! I'm trying to give some suggestions, based on my recent disillusions. I've never wanted to leave so I'm quite interested in making it better for everyone.

You, as the people who built this place, should really look at the kick ass achievement it is. There may have been, there may be and there may be futher issues - but look at this quick take on the realities of walking into mumsnet today -

The 'threads I'm on' for me include a woman needing prayers for a family friend who may be dying, this community is helping get the op through and providing comfort and sucker.

An op who has journeyed from a very real risk of loosing a tiny prem baby, to a safe period bidding her time to delivery. She has had emotional support, medical support and plain understanding. The effects on her coping and how this has helped her DP etc are unknown to us - but it has to be helping as she continues to take us on her journey.

A thread where in all honesty, the insight and intelligence displayed by the posters into the plight of family and how to save it is so deep - I honestly think some posters actually could run the world. Ther eis a bit of heat and a bit of passion and bloody hurrah! Some topics demand it. Reasoned debate and everyone having a voice should remove the need to 'flame'.

A thread where the joys of bum fluff washables and fiddling with prefolds make sthe days as a mum seem warm and fuzzy.

This is truly amazing I think!!!!

Jesus I hope I'm not sickly sweet, but it's an honest look at a thread page so it's fact!

Agree, treedelivery.

I agree DandyLioness which is why I dont want to see lots of changes because of this.

It is a bit like when a man has an affair and the wife thinks I know I will loose weight to keep him, so she starves herself makes herself bloody nmiserable and in the end he leaves anyway because he just didn't love her anymore.

Some people have fallen out of love with MN that is it, they have found somewhere else that suits their needs,why should we change?

VVVQV - yes, I agree, people should stop asking others as well. I mean, you wouldn't ask every MNer "are you on Bounty/NM" either, would you? So people should, on both sides, keep schtum about it and THEN it will go away. And we can be happy MNers again, REGARDLESS of whether some are also moldies or not.

Hear hear DandyLioness.

What I would suggest is similar to what they do on the BBC threads about sports;

When you are a brand new poster, your first 'x' number of posts are pre-moderated, so don't appear up on the screen until they've been vetted. Extend this to name changes, and say first '20' posts or something like that, then if you've name-changed genuinely there's no problem, your posts get published, if you are name-changing for mischievous reasons, they either don't get published, or it takes longer for you to graduate to no moderation required. If someone then starts to cause trouble, they could be put back into 'pre-moderation'.