Let's all talk about MUMSNET shall we?

[CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell]

I'm pasting a post that is getting lost in the fighting and bitching going on. I hope it makes a difference. I have to go as I have ill children to tend to, but feel free to post your own thoughts on how we can get Mumsnet back to normality.

Mumsnet has been made to look like it's dominated by swearing, airheaded, middle class mothers in The Independent with nowt better to do than stomp around in their Boden jeans having a tant about a group of anonymous posters on a parenting site.

I'm sure that for the Moldie members it must be lovely to be able to discuss personal things in private and confidence without some name changing troll pissing all over your posts. It must be lovely to disclose your thoughts and problems with like-minded friends without worrying about it being taken the wrong way or having those dreaded Mumsnetters that you don't like, daring to come onto your thread.

As a lot of us who have been on Mumsnet for many years, it does hurt to have people name-changing to make personal and very hurtful attacks on you, which I presume never happens on Moldies.

So may I make a suggestion? Instead of bickering like the loons The Independent clearly think we are, how about we make Mumsnet even better? A site we can be proud of and feel safe posting on?

MNHQ - is there any way that name-changers who do so to personally attack other posters, can have a stiffer punishment? Perhaps banning from the site with no warning? Is there any way we can make Mumsnet a nicer, safer place to post?

Because right now, all we seem to be doing is giving the Moldies justification for the existance of their site.

I'm sure we'd all like to be able to post without fear of being personally attacked or having our real life covers blown. So why don't we work towards that this New Year? Because if I wanted to join Mumsnet right now for some support and advice, I'd be really put off.

And isn't that what Mumsnet is for? For people who are struggling, who need a bit of support and advice? Who can liaise in confidence with other parents and share experiences, problems and achievements? If I wanted a little forum to just talk to friends I can set one up, but I joined Mumsnet to get help and advice and to offer some where I could. I still get a kick out of feeling that my post has really helped, that my contribution has been worth something to someone. And whenever I have an issue, Mumsnet is one of the first places I turn to for advice and support.

Let's keep it that way shall we?

Who's with me on this one?

How do you police name changing though? I mean, if I want to change my name because I have green ooze coming out of my fanny or I was caught mooning in M&S and needed to offload my shame here, how would MN know that was my reason for name changing until I had said something? There is already a statement on the board saying name changing for trollish reasons is not allowed. What more can MNTowers do?

Or should I have read the whole of this thread before posting?

Well said Rhuby.

Can I also suggest that we stop this blessed naval gazing and get back to what we're supposed to be doing?

Whilst I think, yes, a thread like this needs to make people pull their socks up and get on with it, I also think we need to stop talking about what MN is, or who's the best MNer, or who's on who's team, and just get on with being funny and supportive and all that stuff.

That why I MN, and I can't be doing with all this naval gazing "What is MN?" stuff.

I'm not on about name changing in general, we all do that for personal reasons. I'm on about malicious name changing. Those posters who name change so they can anonymously attack other posters, often very viciously. I've been the victim of it, Custy has been the victim of it, a lot of us have. These have been regular Mumsnetters with an axe to grind, not wishing to 'out' themselves so name changing to launch the most vile and vitriolic attacks.

I'm sure there must be a way to stop that.

I love Mumsnet and all this shit is stopping me from posting, to be perfectly frank. My kids have been so so ill all over Christmas and I desperately wanted advice, but I didn't post on Mumsnet because a) everyone was too busy arguing about Moldies so I knew advice threads were probably being ignored and b) I felt there was so much bad feeling around I didn't want to share my problems with these people who were launching the most vicious of attacks.

This is not Mumsnet. It just isn't.

Good thread, rhubarb. I never knew you were cliffrichard poster! I too am really glad to see many posters here whom I thought had left. Mumsnet is far more than just a board.

Soupy, perhaps it is, but in a way I want some of what those Moldies have, a safe environment in which to post, lets face it, very personal info about our dh's our dc's and ourselves without fear of getting attacked by nasty trolls, either new or old.

Sorry about your children Rhubarb. I wonder how many others felt like you and have not been posting. I wish you would though as all I can find to post about at the moment is the MN issue and it is not really that interesting (imo).

I don't really know what boden or moldies are (pls don't shoot me) but i like mumsnet.

it has been mentioned on threads before that people should have member since blah de blah in their profile, even if they haven;t set up a public profile. at least that way we can see if its a newbie taking the piss or an oldie name changing.

(btw i am an oldie not a newbie but am sick of being pissed on by trolls so want a clean start )

Agree completely with OP.

Wrt namechanging. I find it difficult. I namechange every 3-4 months as I wish to preserve my anonymity. It is easy to say 'dont disclose anything personal' but not easy in practice especially if you socialise in RL with similar people. I think a few people in RL may use MN but I dont want to know their nicknames and I dont want them to know mine. How do I stay anonymous if I cant namechange?

x-post with rhubarb 21:04:21. Agree malicious namechanging is serious. But how do you distinguish. Dealing with one type affects the other.

I think a tougher registration process is a good idea, in that registering might then not be done just on an idle whim - but it's hard to see how it could be set up; it's a very fine line between deterring malicious gits and deterring people who want to be MNers for completely standard reasons.

I have to say, that I also don't think namechanging is the key problem.

People on here post vile and vitriolic attacks in their own names too, and are often see it as a badge of pride that they do so under their own name.

You're basically trying to make people be nicer, and I don't think you can engineer that through controlling name changes, I really don't.

As an aside, and not to digress into another moldies discussion, I do think that when older and more established mumsnetters make nasty comments these are more readily overlooked, and that can encourage people to namechange out of spite.

I am a long term Mnetter, I changed my name long ago after a thread which to me was quite a revalation and something that I needed to come to terms with, this I did and I thank you for it.

Mumsnet is everything that I need it to be, we have a laugh, we cry, we help each other out, it's wonderful to know that at the click of a button, someone somewhere will be on hand with advice, help and yes even critisism if it is needed.

Cooking, cleaning, babies, teenagers, and even the bum sex threads are there for all to read and look back on, digest and take on board.

No one person or group of people can make or break this forum, we are here for each other, which is I belive what MN is all about.

So no matter who you are, Parent or not, we are here for you, and there is no forum I have ever been on that will do more for you than this one.......Mumsnet rocks

Wow I'm sleep deprived! That post hardly makes sense!!

What I mean is, it's not just namechangers who are nasty - so how do we police it when people get bitchy? Or do we not?

well said rhuby.

I haven't actually posted on any of the mouldie threads, as I just figured I was too unimportant to be noticed as having an opinion.

I do want the MN I joined to be back tho.......this one is still lovely, but it can also be quite vicious too((altho on my part, I blame the trolls we have had so many of this year))

"MNHQ can see the IP address of that computer "
depends whether you have a static IP or not. Even so, people change ISPs, post from work/ friends' computers. Also, how long before a wife gets banned and her DH complains that he can no longer post?

Just a suggestion, would a delay on namechanging help?
ie people can namechange, but it only comes into effect 24 (Or 5??) hours later. Would this help to stop malicious, spur of the moment namechanges, intended to insult another poster? This way, anyone wanting to change to ask advice about their third nipple could still do so after the 24 hrs was up?

WOuld also stop the "WTF is this funny discharge?"
"Help I am being beaten up by DH"
...
Although that might not be a bad thing, there could be a page about name changing saying if you can't wait 5 hours then you most likely need RL help, and here are the numbers to call

"What's the phone number for 999?"

I think that the difficulty is that most of us have hot button topics which will allow our hackles to rise quickly when pushed.

It's trying to understand that sometimes people actually can disagree with you and that their viewpoint is valid and not said for malice or menace.

For these reasons I think that the Moldie site must be desireable as the OP acknowledged.
I think that MN is an amazing living thing and we must help shape it's growth as we would any teenage, ie with decent safety nets that are put in place to protect it.

The hows are as ever foggy

Excellent post though op

i'm with you...would be more than happy to get rid of the name changing facility.

Talks to self incoherently.

I'd like to be able to delete my own posts.... It's mad that we can't. On other forums you can, and there aren't loads of threads that 'don't make sense' as MNHQ said to me.

AGREE OP...