We're after your collected wit and wisdom (again!)

[Justine (mumsnet)]

Hi all,
We've been asked to put together something for Scotland on Sunday's magazine supplement about the first year of parenthood. Something along the lines of "Things I've learned from my first year of being a mum". They're after pithy, witty one and two liners as well as a nod to the more serious stuff too. Feel free to contribute as many times as you like - I should imagine they'll want to include nicknames so it's your chance to be famous (in your mumsnet persona) in Scotland at least.

I'm racking my brains to think of something good but can't come close to anything as good as this contribution from Spod: "Opening a new box of nappy sacks to discover that they are a different colour to the normal ones (and subconsciously debating which you prefer) can be the highlight of your day.
And this from Anchovy: "When your small baby hasn't had a poo for two days, you should dress it in a babygrow with feet attached" which we put in a similar thing we did for the Guardian a while back.
So, over to you (and many thanks )
Justine, Carrie and Rachel

There is no way that a baby's stomach is the size of a walnut, given how much my son can eat in one feed. No way!

The topic of conversation when your husband gets home from work is always centred around volumes of sick and the colour of poo!

It's highly amusing when your older children argue about who's going to remove the toe-jam form the baby's feet.

(Toe-jam=yukky sticky fluff)

babies poo lots

Something I said frequently in the first few months..........

I used to have a career, now I find myselg being terrorised by 7 lb of baby flesh

Sex becomes sacred.... a baby always knows when to interupt!

When told newborn's sleep 16 hours in a 24 hour period it can be in twenty minutes bursts!!!

There is nothing on earth that is nicer than the feeling of freshly wash baby hair on your lips when you kiss their head.

Always except offers of help - it is hard work being a mum!

lol LGJ

Small children will not keel over if eating dog food from the dog's bowl.....and will have immense fun soaking the kitchen with the water bowl.

Sleep when baby sleeps only works if you dont mind your house resembling the local rubbish tip!

People are actually unable to look at your baby without passing comment ("he's big/small, looks like you/doesn't look like you" etc etc) and they will ALWAYS know what he wants ("oh he's hungry/tired/has wind" etc).

...but you shouldn't care if your house resembles the local rubbish tip. The sleep is worth it

Dont worry if you're still in your pyjamas at tea time.... saves time getting changed later!

Children learn how to dial 999 long before they can apologise to the operator on the other end...

Your house will resemble the local rubbish tip ... get used to it, it will be that way for a long, long time.

everyone tells older siblings 'aren't you lucky to have a new baby brother / sister' My poor DD must have got fed up hearing it!

The amount of space a little one can take up in Mummy's and Daddy's bed in in directly inverse proportion to his (tiny) size.

If you drop a marble (needle, button, anything else he should not have) the baby will find it first.

Your kitchen floor will be clean of dropped food in no time if you sit a hungry toddler down there. However, don't expect them to eat the same food when served to them on a plate, sitting at the table.

it takes 9 months to get that big, so it will take 9 months to get back to your normal size (yeah right, and the rest!)

People will always say "Ohhh, he's/she's and big boy/girl, isn't she?

Even when they aren't.............wierd.

is in inverse proportion, that should be.
Thought I'd typed so carefully too!!!