We're after your collected wit and wisdom (again!)

[Justine (mumsnet)]

Hi all,
We've been asked to put together something for Scotland on Sunday's magazine supplement about the first year of parenthood. Something along the lines of "Things I've learned from my first year of being a mum". They're after pithy, witty one and two liners as well as a nod to the more serious stuff too. Feel free to contribute as many times as you like - I should imagine they'll want to include nicknames so it's your chance to be famous (in your mumsnet persona) in Scotland at least.

I'm racking my brains to think of something good but can't come close to anything as good as this contribution from Spod: "Opening a new box of nappy sacks to discover that they are a different colour to the normal ones (and subconsciously debating which you prefer) can be the highlight of your day.
And this from Anchovy: "When your small baby hasn't had a poo for two days, you should dress it in a babygrow with feet attached" which we put in a similar thing we did for the Guardian a while back.
So, over to you (and many thanks )
Justine, Carrie and Rachel

not everyone wants to know your baby got a tooth, slept through the night, is on solids, but you can't resist telling them anyway!

You will sit in your pram - oh no I wont!

it is totally normal to get up midway through a meal to change a dirty nappy, then continue eating like nothing has happened

The old phrase:

?It?s different when it?s your own?
Is so fantastically, wonderfully TRUE

Your brain REALLY does come out with the placenta!!

As Lockets has just so eloquently proven

A simple piece of kitchen towel can prevent your baby boy weeing in his own mouth, and it will also prevent that look of disgust he will give you, as if it is your fault!

you will never undersand how they can make you so angry yet so happy in the same split second

The first time you go shopping without the baby, you will find yourself standing in the checkout queue dreamily rocking the trolley to and fro.

You know you?re a mother when you hear your mothers voice coming out of your own mouth on a daily basis

a quick trip to the shops can no longer be done without half an hour of preparation time first!

The first time you get a full night's sleep you think all your Christmas's have come at once.

It becomes quicker to milk a cow than to go and buy milk.

Hoovers, tumble dryers and cars are Godsends when trying to get baby to sleep.
You are Mum for life.
Buy quiet toys

It's always a good idea to change that dirty nappy before you let them have one last go on the slide.

dont expect to go out for a night, and not be glued to your mobile constantly... and then still phone at least twice to check baby is ok!

A cup of tea and peace is paradise!

Variation on Fimbo's

The first time they sleep through the night you rush to the crib to make sure they are still alive.

One day soon all this will feel normal and not like aliens have stolen your life and replaced it with that of a drudge!

Variation on MistressMary:
The in-laws will always buy the noisy toys.

I would heartily second mistress Mary! As a parent, your expectations are alarmingly low. I will happily do ANYTHING as long as it is not illegal or dangerous and keeps the children happy and entertained.

Even watch bloody barney...(or at least pretend to)