We're after your collected wit and wisdom (again!)

[Justine (mumsnet)]

Hi all,
We've been asked to put together something for Scotland on Sunday's magazine supplement about the first year of parenthood. Something along the lines of "Things I've learned from my first year of being a mum". They're after pithy, witty one and two liners as well as a nod to the more serious stuff too. Feel free to contribute as many times as you like - I should imagine they'll want to include nicknames so it's your chance to be famous (in your mumsnet persona) in Scotland at least.

I'm racking my brains to think of something good but can't come close to anything as good as this contribution from Spod: "Opening a new box of nappy sacks to discover that they are a different colour to the normal ones (and subconsciously debating which you prefer) can be the highlight of your day.
And this from Anchovy: "When your small baby hasn't had a poo for two days, you should dress it in a babygrow with feet attached" which we put in a similar thing we did for the Guardian a while back.
So, over to you (and many thanks )
Justine, Carrie and Rachel

we obviously go to different clinics NP.

Suddenly you realise that you can't hold a puppy in your arms without trying to make him burp . Embarrasing but true...

The best present you can get for new parents is a subscription to Mumsnet

You don't need as much sleep as you thought you did before you had a child.
If you can't do it one-handed, it won't get done.
Say bye bye to natty lipstick sized handbags (sob).
You can indeed watch the baby while checking the footie results/reading a book/surfing mumsnet!

No matter how carefully you arrange the muslin, you will always get baby sick on your shoulder. Especially if you've just been foolish enough to put a dry-clean only garment on.

i realised how fantastic my own mum is - she looked after my daughter while i was at work from when she was 6 wks old (my daughter not my mum!) then on a Saturday night her and my dad would turn up and throw me and dh out to the pub so we could have some time together and when we got back the ironing was done!

and also that a baby will also prefer to poo in a nice clean nappy they've had on for 0.0006 seconds rather than the wet one they've had on for 2 hrs.

No matter how much you love your baby, you love them a little bit more when they are sound asleep.

Kath H will your mum n dad adopt me?

The world won't end just because you go to Sainsburys in your pyjama bottoms. Twice.

Family / friends / HVs will ALWAYS pop in unannounced on the day that you cant be bothered to dress the baby so they are festering in a scuzzy babygro.

By the age of 6 months the baby will almost certainly have more clothes, savings and friends than both parents put together.

Baby's reaction to you being in a hurry to go somewhere will always be to slow down and then be sick at the last minute.

Just because you cant see any baby vomit, dont be fooled into thinking you can just dab down the carpet or sofa. By tomorrow morning the room will stink and there will be permanent stains.

You will never feel the same about your own parents again once you have kids of your own - maybe in a good way, maybe in a bad way, but never the same now you know what they have been through.

You will get a horrible bit of hard skin in the middle of your knees from all that crawling on the floor, changing nappies and playing!

It's not good when you start watching repeats of Teletubbies, Tweenies and Pingu!

Things I have learnt;
It is amazing that you can become so interested in someone elses bowel movements .... but other people aren't

That I don't care if other people look at you if you are walking around the shops singing to help your little one to sleep

I have learned the names of all 4 teletubbies

I have a new respect and understanding f my owm parents

Whatever your instinct is telling you - Trust yourself. You will be right whatever the GP, HV etc ... are saying !!

Things can only get better.

Well, probably, anyway.

You know when you're telling other people about the latest miraculous thing your baby has acheived? Well, that smile in response is fixed in place and behind those glassy eyes they're screaming.

No matter what your child has achieved, someone else's is a bl**dy prodigy!

I used to be proud that my very full breasts were objects of desire to adult men.

But I am much more proud now that I have learnt their main purpose: they are the implements of "liquid gold" which I serve my beautiful 7 month-old baby boy, for breakfast, lunch and dinner

So far (and I'm well into year 2) it is quite simply the most difficult thing I have ever done, far harder than any job I've ever had (perhaps because I came to it late in life and rather enjoyed my independence)!

You know you're a mum when you hear the name Milo and a large purple puppet comes instantly to mind

You give Calpol to your babe for the first time at 3 months, and wonder how you survived that long without it.

You realise that you had nothing to complain at all about your pre-baby figure - and wish it would come back.

That you may well know inside out and back to front the routines and suggestions for getting your baby to sleep from the Contented Little Baby Book, the Baby Whisperer, the No-Cry Sleep Solution, Dr Christopher Green et al, but there will be at least one night where you try the 'GO TO BLOODY SLEEP!!!!!!!!' method.

PS - it doesn't work