Private conversations held on MN

[Ohwhatacircusitis]

I thought MN was a public forum where essentially any one with a registered account could start a thread. And the thread was open to anyone with a registered account to join in the discussion .

Why then are " private threads " allowed? Where essentially certain MN users have a private conversation with each other which is being conducted on a public forum? I'm thinking here of the New Fred thread in 30 days, although I have seen other examples in the past.

Surely this isn't what MN is supposed to be about?
Why can't these posters use the private messaging facility or conduct their conversation elsewhere.

Total cliquism vibes.

I mean it happens but you're fine to read it and post
There's one in the litter tray that has been going since 2015 but it's just talk about cats

I agree! Those threads really get up my nose. I would have thought having a little explanation of what it’s about in the OP of each new thread would at least give a semblance of inclusivity, but no, they really love their little clique. I would have thought a WhatsApp group would suit them better, unless they all really like the sort of mean girls, cliquey, exclusionary vibe it gives off.

Why do you get to dictate how people use MN? I’ve never been involved with any of the long running threads and I can’t see why you’re offended by people having conversations. There are thousands of threads on here. A handful of those (outside of the ‘due in’ threads) are long running chats.

I'm not trying to dictate.
It's just that I thought private conversations on the public forum was not what MN was about.
I don't do Social Media but surely there are more suitable places for such conversations?
I have enjoyed using MN because I thought it was all inclusive. That posters dont get discriminated against. But private conversations aren't all inclusive. By definition they exclude the majority of posters. They are cliquish.
So MN is not the open and all inclusive forum that I thought it was. And I'm disappointed.

I don't understand what you mean, can you give an example of how it works? I don't know if I've ever seen what you describe

Same here. I'm confused.

I have enjoyed using MN because I thought it was all inclusive. That posters dont get discriminated against. But private conversations aren't all inclusive. By definition they exclude the majority of posters.

How is it discrimination to have a conversation???

@ TinkerTiger

I did give an example: New Fred in 30 days.

Doe you also sulk when people chat in a bar and don't include you in the conversation? Because that's what this amounts to.

You are free to read every thread on here. Whether you participate or not is up to you. You can pop in to one of the running conversations and ask what it's all about - if you're polite to probably be told and included. If you're rude you'll probably be ignored and excluded.

Just like in real life.

But in what way is it private? It seems that anyone can post.

from the look of it you’ve gone onto a follow-on topic and are annoyed that you don’t know what the original is about. if a topic doesn’t relate to you, that’s ok.

honestly OP, have a google of the What About Me Effect.

Are we talking about the threads that often have weird titles, and are just random chat between people? I've never seen them as private. I've just not had any inclination to join in.

It's not a private thread. Mumsnet is like a common room with lots of different conversations happening simultaneously. Some conversations have been going on for years, and those involved know each other. It's not private or exclusive. No one can stop you from posting. You asked a question on the thread, and you were answered politely. Not a private thread at all.

OP do you go into the litter tray and complain to everyone that you don’t have a cat and therefore you can’t join in?

I thought MN was a public forum where essentially any one with a registered account could start a thread. And the thread was open to anyone with a registered account to join in the discussion .

This is literally the case. You’ve come up with the term “private threads” all on your own to describe something which doesn’t exist. No one stopped you posting in that thread!

People have conversations. Sometimes they’re long term. If you want to join in, then do.

I don't understand what you mean, OP.
There are long running threads all over MN.

You're welcome to post on any of them. They're not private.

That isn't a private conversation, it's a group of people chatting. Have you tried to post on it and been told that you can't?

I do find the level of personal detail posted in a public forum on that thread somewhat unnerving.

But who cares if people (strangers to you) who know each other are having a private conversation. You could always ask if you can join?

Failing that there are literally thousands of other open threads you can participate in. I find it hard to get worked up about this.

Have you got a cat, @Ohwhatacircusitis?

Join us on the Litter Tray threads. Everyone is welcome.

If the OP who started the thread had given some indication of what the thread was about I would have looked at what they said and would said to myself: fair enough, not interested, and left them to it.

It's the putting up a title, with no information, and no attempt to open up the thread to anyone other than those " in the know" that is so cliquish. The OP wants a private conversation so why post it on a public forum and deliberately exclude people?

I saw your posts on New Fred and nobody told you that you weren't welcome or couldn't post @Ohwhatacircusitis

I think that sometimes anyone trying to join in one of these threads tends to get ignored so it does feel like it’s ‘private’ and a little bit cliquey.

Oh dear OP.

You weren't excluded though.

I think they are harmless and can be tremendously helpful to individuals.

There is a series of long running threads on the health boards, five years ago I had breast cancer and not only did it offer huge factual and emotional support I made some RL friends on there. You wouldn't really want to go on there if you weren't affected but anyone can post and would be welcomed. The posters know each other and so it can at first appear cliquy because of that.

I've tried a few other long running threads in craft but haven't got the interest to keep up.

They also gave no indication, when I asked, of what the thread was about. So making it impossible for anyone other than the " regulars" to join in.
I'm not bothered about joining in. I just don't see MN as a place for cliques.