A pondering about the Sex topic (and wider)

[FlyingElbows]

The Sex topic is potentially a very valuable resource for those who choose to use it whether they contribute or just read. I believe that the freedom to discuss sex in an open and adult manner is a good thing and very lacking in some people's lives. However... it has been described as "the most joyless sex topic ever" and I believe that that is due in no small part to the small handful of persistent posters whose only contribution is to challenge and deride poster's experiences. It's not big, clever or helpful and will actively discourage posters from seeking help and support. Would it be possible for HQ to sticky a post reminding contributors to be respectful? If people really have to hoik their bosom and get the vapours about other people's relationships then they already have the facility of the relationships board.

That's what I don't understand, Margot

There's a thread in active about Taylor Swift. It holds no interest to me, so I haven't clicked!

Ignoring the thread wouldn't provide enough opportunity to mock and put down those with different preferences though. Pretending that this isn't the aim would be downright dishonest.

This is what I meant by the sense of superiority that I've seen.

Absolutely - just because a thread comes up in active convos doesn't mean you have to click & post on it. ( I ignore 95% of active )

Usual, did you miss where I asked:

"Can you point out the posts, specifically, please, where posters have ridiculed other posters with vanilla sex lives, because I'm struggling to see them. "?

I'm honestly interested to see.

She can't becuse there aren't any. It's just a feeble attempt to justify the actions of some on the sex t

Topic

LurcioAgain's post from upthread mentioned her own sex life being vanilla, she wasn't mocking anyone else's:

Agree - a sticky would be good. I'm more vanilla than an entire bottle of vanilla essence, but I still find the tone of certain posts really annoying. And they can't be reported because they stay the right side of talk guidelines. (To use the analogy frequently used on the feminism board, it's like going into the camping section and repeatedly posting "camping, it's a bit shit, isn't it?")

Also, with regards to this:

Since many most regular posters have hidden the topic, hiding it from Trending would mean they wouldn't see it at all.

How do you know "many regulars have hidden the topic"? How many regulars have to have done something for it to influence how Mumsnet should be run?

There's a thread in active about Taylor Swift.

That thread is a very good example. Every time I see the title I think " how the fuck is this even news?!" But I don't go in and post it. It appears in the little news sidebar on Facebook too which is why I mention "news".

Precisely, Vanilla - it's because there's a lot of kink shaming going on that I wanted to stand up and be counted as someone whose tastes are pretty standard, but who would not for a moment want to dictate what other people enjoyed consensually! Prude shaming, kink shaming, it all comes from the same place, a heavily socially ingrained dislike of the idea that women might actually like sex and want to talk about it.

I think I hid the sex topic around about the time people were getting labelled 'mundanes' for not thinking swinging was the best idea ever.

I have noticed it too and it definitely seems to be intentional
I havent noticed it being anyone in particular, I dont go on the sex topic often though.

I notice the same thing happens when anyone makes an attempt - in Relationships - to discuss their distress at discovering their partner using porn. It always becomes completely drowned out with the usual suspects posters aggressively banging the drum with their opinion that all porn is created by abusing women. Every. Single. Time.

Case in point

That's an AIBU thread.

Its not the same either, its a woman who is unhappy about something (porn), and the alleged "pile on-ers" are agreeing with her (porn is bad)

Tbh, thats the complete opposite of what is happening in th sex threads!

"Prude shaming, kink shaming, it all comes from the same place, a heavily socially ingrained dislike of the idea that women might actually like sex and want to talk about it."

Well, prude shaming comes from the opposite obviously, but I think they're both part of the way women are categorised for their sexual behaviour/attitudes.

There has always been slut shaming and those keen to police female sexuality. It is no surprise that the Sex Board attracts people who wish to do just that.

Sparkling I've noticed very, very little scoffing at people for being 'mundanes' on the Sex topic. I think the people who would be inclined to do so don't bother visiting it anymore.

I also get the feeling that there are far fewer troll ops on the Sex topic, as opposed to AIBU, Relationships or Chat, which is surprising but refreshing.

Glad to hear it. Just the word 'mundane' had me .

I think the Sex Topic should be more troll free due to the 3 month thing.

There are several men who post apparently solely on the sex board (although I am aware they might use other names elsewhere) and seem to revel in oversharing about their own sex lives, and aggressively questioning other (genreally women) posters about theirs. Anyone who points this out on a thread where it is happening will generally be accused of being a) a prude, b) a man hater who doesn't realise that this isn't a women-only site, or both. I know you can't tell for sure the sex of a poster, but I do find this really, really off-putting and would never post on the sex board as a result.

people were getting labelled 'mundanes' for not thinking swinging was the best idea ever.
There was a comment on a swinging thread where a poster just said that a mundane sex life wasn't for her. It's the same when people have said they get bored if they just have vanilla sex. Other posters then get very defensive and complain that they are being called boring, dull, mundane etc when they really weren't.

Someone posts to say that they are really excited because they are going to a swinging club, has anyone else ever been. There's a whole load of replies to say that it's disgusting, that it's being unfaithful, that it's only men who really want to do that.
I just don't understand the need to comment on a thread like that when you so clearly disapprove, you have no personal experience or knowledge to share and you can't accept that other people enjoy things different to you.

Quote from a poster on the swingers thread from last year

In general, I'm not surprised by the amount of mundanes screaming and pearl clutching on this thread

But I as I said i have the topic hidden now so it's all good. Maybe things have improved.

Agree with Bruce about the men.

I didn't see that thread but if recent threads are anything to go by I imagine there WERE lots of ' pearl clutching and screaming.'