A pondering about the Sex topic (and wider)

[FlyingElbows]

The Sex topic is potentially a very valuable resource for those who choose to use it whether they contribute or just read. I believe that the freedom to discuss sex in an open and adult manner is a good thing and very lacking in some people's lives. However... it has been described as "the most joyless sex topic ever" and I believe that that is due in no small part to the small handful of persistent posters whose only contribution is to challenge and deride poster's experiences. It's not big, clever or helpful and will actively discourage posters from seeking help and support. Would it be possible for HQ to sticky a post reminding contributors to be respectful? If people really have to hoik their bosom and get the vapours about other people's relationships then they already have the facility of the relationships board.

Or was lots? ( Brain blip!)

Quote from a poster on the swingers thread from last year

In general, I'm not surprised by the amount of mundanes screaming and pearl clutching on this thread

That kind of proves the OP's point though.

Not sure how screaming is actually possible on an online forum. As for 'pearl clutching' - v overused.

Same as it is possible to "hear" things and "see" things.

That's just semantics SparklingBrook.

That thread on swinging was full of pp saying how disgusting and dirty it was, if that's not pearl clutching, I don't know what is..

(All by pp who had never been and so didn't know WTF they were taking about!)

MrsBruce that's all very well if you don't want to post on the sex board because you're unsure about the veracity of some of the posters on there. Tbh I haven't really seen any posts which are obviously from men looking to get their rocks off, but I don't go on there much.

However, even if there are, then it has to be accepted that (genuine) posters are adults who are on there because they want to to be, and are perfectly at liberty to ignore any dodgy posts or questions. Derailing genuine threads people have started for advice or a discussion, by either troll hunting or numerous "Urgggghh, how disgusting!", posts is just a bit off really.

Thanks for all the feedback on this.

We'll have a think about whether we can have a sticky post or some other kind of reminder. What kind of thing did people have in mind?

What kind of thing did people have in mind?

How about:

"This is the sex topic, there will be adult conversation. People look here for advice, not judgement, any posts offering disgust or are overly judgemental of the discussion at hand will be deleted. Keep it friendly and only post if you have direct experience that will help the original poster"

Perfect!

I'm not keen on "only post if you have direct experience that will help the original poster". I don't think you have to have had direct experience.

I'd keep it to:

"This is the sex topic, there will be adult conversation. People look here for advice; please keep it friendly."

"This is the sex topic, there will be adult conversation. People look here for advice, not judgement, any posts offering disgust or are overly judgemental of the discussion at hand will be deleted."
I think that would suffice.

I agree with

This is the sex topic, there will be adult conversation. People look here for advice, not judgement, any posts offering disgust or are overly judgemental of the discussion at hand will be deleted.

Perhaps something as well like - we acknowledge that the nature of discussion leaves the potential for trolling. As elsewhere on the site, if you think someone is not what they seem, please report and ignore.

Yes I agree, no need for direct experience but rest is great!

I don't even think it's wrong sometimes for people to express revulsion, disapproval or concern that an op is being coerced. There are things I engage in that others don't; I'm interested to hear others' opinions. Sexuality is interesting, and worthy of discussion.

Also there have been posters who give strong indications that they're only doing something to keep their man. This should be questioned.

Moreover, if someone ever does post about something which is beyond the pale, I'd expect and want them to be challenged.

There are ways of doing all this without deriding the op however.

I don't even think it's wrong sometimes for people to express revulsion, disapproval or concern that an op is being coerced.
I can't see any reason why expressing revulsion or disapproval is acceptable. If someone has a legitimate reason to object to a practice then it's fine to explain it, but "ewww, that's disgusting" is of no help to anyone, but "you need to be careful about ...." may well be
It would also be fine to say "I could never do that" or "That's not for me"

Concern that the OP is being coerced is fine, but the insistence that "women only do that to keep their man happy" is not helpful and it is positively insulting to women! And there's a fine line between genuine concern about the OP and judgement that the OP couldn't possibly be a willing participant.

Other peoples' opinions are welcome as long as they add to the discussion.

I think saying "no judgement" is a little OTT - I mean, I agree with it, but I don't entirely think saying it on a sticky is quite in line with the rest of MN.

"This is the sex topic, there will be adult conversation. People look here for advice; please keep it friendly looks better to me.