Hey MNHQ. Would it be possible to have a discussion about how SN issues/threads are handled on the main boards.

[Pagwatch]

I know you are fire fighting a bit and I'm not trying to stir things up.

I just think that there are endless threads that require you to get involved and try to (for the sake of a better word) mediate between pissed of posters with no real experience of SN/disability and pissed off member of the SN/disability community.

I think you try really really hard to be fair and even handed. It's an understandable response but I have growing doubts about it.
There have been half a dozen threads recently where posters I recognise as living with SN/disability issues deal with a continuous stream of posts from any random who pops up on a thread making the same stupid, ill informed or frankly goady post.
It's like swimming through a tidal wave of shit.
Then, as posters get increasingly exasperated by each arriving poster saying 'well I'm not putting my buggy away if my baby is asleep' or 'why can't I use the disabled toilet if it's empty' or 'but people with SN can be violent. I know of stabbing someone and attacks all the time' they get rude and the thread descends into eurrgh.

I'm still reading constant posts where anyone affected by disability is berated if they are angry, the message being 'be nice, be grateful or we don't have to be fair'

It seems to me that the status quo of 'fairness' is simply unfair.
Posters already dealing with immense difficulty shouldn't be forced to defend themselves against every person who turns up and says unpleasant things under the umbrella of debate. You said a long time ago it was not our responsibility to educate but the reality is that, with no palpable support from you guys, we are endlessly having to educate.

I am not pretending to have the answer but is it possible to contemplate methods by which you could actually say to posters saying 'if someone in a wheelchair can't use their space because I'm not putting my buggy away' that their comments are wrong and not in the spirit of the site?

You link to the This Is My Child campaign but the posters who are the problem won't care and won't read it.

I don't know - I just wonder if you could think about this.
Sometimes there are not two sides to a debate because only one side is directly affected, exhausted, distressed and having their lives and their children's lives made harder.

You couldn't make that up!

Good points by the op and many others on this thread

ive never read the TIMC and have no inclination too
and agist campaign about inclusion will never interest me.
if you have a gf on a thread linking to that is useless.....they won't care.

Thank you for posting this. I have seen so many threads lately with comments like "Well, just wait until the SN brigade shows up". As if we have no right to point out how disabilism hurts.

Those that decry "the special needs brigade" are the very reason MNHQ need to step up and say "WE'RE the SN brigade and WE say stop with the disablist shit".

Come on MNHQ!

Maybe transfer all threads about SN to the SN board? Only thing you can do really.
Problem with posting on chat or Aibu is you'll reach a much wider audience with as many different views as there are people.
So, yes, just have an automatic transfer over to SN.

Transferring all threads about disability to the SN board is like putting people with disabilities back in institutions where they can't be seen or heard though.

I thought that's what the SN board was for though? To discuss SN issues with like minded people who understand the issues more clearly?

Well said MaterofDragons! God damn it WE ARE THE SPECIAL NEEDS BRIGADE AND WE SAY STOP THE DISABILIST BULLSHIT! Sorry, I just had to repeat it again and loudly..

MaterofDragons

That's so true!

It is the difference between saying 'don't call them the SN brigade ' and saying 'we are the SN brigade so stop it'

Surfer - yes it is. Which is fine if you want that (relatively) safe space to talk with like minded people.

BUT

I'm not just a SN adult. I'm a disabled adult, a disabled parent of disabled children. I'm all of those things.

I'm also a parent. MN by parents for parents.

Why should I have to restrict my posts to a few boards? It's ok if I want to but are non disabled parents directed to use just a few boards in this huge site?

No. Then why should I, just because I'm disabled?

If I've had a shit day including worrying about being able to use a bus, not being able to reach the pin pad in a shop, someone walking backwards into me and practically winding up in my lap why on earth shouldn't I post it ANYWHERE I LIKE without fear of someone attacking me or telling me my posting about being anxious about getting on the bus is an attack on parents FFS?

And why am I not allowed to be angry about it? If anyone else was queuing, got jumped in front of and came on Chat to vent they'd get sympathy not "with an attitude like that I'm not surprised - it's all your fault"

...or have encountered problems on there, which also happens

I only joined MN a few weeks ago and my first experiences of this site were not good.

I began to think MN is full of mothers that hate other mothers and are just itching to give posters a real verbal kicking to show how great they are.

Over the last week I've seen different posts where people are generally sympathetic but I also saw a comment about the Special Needs Brigade and it really, really pissed me off.

I have a 17 year old son with SN (premature, has aspergers & OCD) and can't find the right words to describe how offensive and ignorant people are, and how it's tolerated!

Am also a survivor of DV. Quite a few years ago I used to post regularly on the Women's Aid Forum. I know it's different to this site BUT offensive comments and posts there were pulled ASAP. I think it showed that arseholes wouldn't be tolerated, and making nasty digs at people that were already going through a hard time wouldn't be tolerated. And I think that's what's missing here.

In reply to the peronw who suggested moving post to the sn board.
Why?
People should not have to hide, we should be able yo post anywhere.
I dont use the sn board, its not reveleant to ma as my child is an adult

Ok, everyone, if you don't have SN, if you don't know anyone with SN, if you're not in a wheelchair or don't know anyone in a wheelchair, do not comment. Your points are invalid, unwelcome, and will be immeadiately pissed on, shot down, belittled, condescendingly commented on, patronised and laughed at. It's just not worth it.

What

Suggesting that posters only use the SN boards is not the answer, is it?

Or are we back to the same issue - that those on the SN boards (arguably posters with disabilities, or parents of children with disabilities) are expected to be somehow more patient, tolerant, kinder, generally all round nicer than posters on the main boards?

Why would that be?

Sure, posters on the SN boards may have more experience, and be able to empathise a bit more. But why shouldn't posters on the main boards be expected to be tolerant, nice, accepting, etc?

Ime, the SN boards are absolutely worthwhile for teasing out answers to technical problems - ECHP, DLA, PIP, general legal and educational questions.

But for the rest of it? Why not post anywhere that seems to fit? A general query about, for eg, access to a tourist attraction may well go unanswered on the SN boards, as there may not be the expertise there.

When I was trying to plan long haul holidays, with a massively food restricted child (gf/cf, plus a host of other stuff), and needed to know whether I could get certain key items in Australia, or in California, I didn't post on SN, I posted in long haul, and fabulous posters came to my aid, patiently answering a whole load of seemingly endless questions. (this was years ago, before the ease of Internet shopping, and before gluten free was a widespread phenomenon)

It's easy to fall into the trap of 'oh, MN isn't like it used to be' but honestly, it does seem as though many posters are unwilling to even try to take a step back, assess and weigh up their answer before diving straight in.

Posters often seem so irritable, tbh.

Who has been rude Toomany?

No way should we confine threads that touch on disability to the sn boards. It is bad enough that if you mention your child on a thread, people always say...oh we didn't mean children with sn, as if children with an are some other species.

The special needs board is good for advice, and support and I have made good friends there, but I know some have felt unwelcome. But one of the things that I love about mumsnet is the fact that the main boards have posters with disabilities, and posters who have disabled children who are funny and eloquent and vocal and don't live up to the 'special parents have special children' posting on all manner of stuff (obviously we are awesomely wonderful and angels in disguise, well I am anyway....)

Oh I know, Toomany. Bloody SN brigade.

The special needs board is great for people who want to talk to people in a similar-ish situation. It's great.

But I don't come to MN to talk about SN. I mostly come for interesting chat and some laughs. But if I do want to talk about SN it's from my position of being a mother to an adult, to a teenage girl, to a young man with SN, a long term sahm turned business owner, voracious reader, sports fan, purveyor of dreadful jokes and occasional potty mouth.

I am more than SN. So when SN comes up my perspective incorporates all those things so why should it be in an SN nook?

The SN boards are there because when you have a disability or a child with a disability or SEN, there is a myriad of admin nightmares that come with it and the boards are often the best place to work those through and learn from others experiences.

The SN boards are not there so that anything remotely disability or SEN related can be shuffled off there for no-one else to see. Because that's ridiculous.