Hey MNHQ. Would it be possible to have a discussion about how SN issues/threads are handled on the main boards.

[Pagwatch]

I know you are fire fighting a bit and I'm not trying to stir things up.

I just think that there are endless threads that require you to get involved and try to (for the sake of a better word) mediate between pissed of posters with no real experience of SN/disability and pissed off member of the SN/disability community.

I think you try really really hard to be fair and even handed. It's an understandable response but I have growing doubts about it.
There have been half a dozen threads recently where posters I recognise as living with SN/disability issues deal with a continuous stream of posts from any random who pops up on a thread making the same stupid, ill informed or frankly goady post.
It's like swimming through a tidal wave of shit.
Then, as posters get increasingly exasperated by each arriving poster saying 'well I'm not putting my buggy away if my baby is asleep' or 'why can't I use the disabled toilet if it's empty' or 'but people with SN can be violent. I know of stabbing someone and attacks all the time' they get rude and the thread descends into eurrgh.

I'm still reading constant posts where anyone affected by disability is berated if they are angry, the message being 'be nice, be grateful or we don't have to be fair'

It seems to me that the status quo of 'fairness' is simply unfair.
Posters already dealing with immense difficulty shouldn't be forced to defend themselves against every person who turns up and says unpleasant things under the umbrella of debate. You said a long time ago it was not our responsibility to educate but the reality is that, with no palpable support from you guys, we are endlessly having to educate.

I am not pretending to have the answer but is it possible to contemplate methods by which you could actually say to posters saying 'if someone in a wheelchair can't use their space because I'm not putting my buggy away' that their comments are wrong and not in the spirit of the site?

You link to the This Is My Child campaign but the posters who are the problem won't care and won't read it.

I don't know - I just wonder if you could think about this.
Sometimes there are not two sides to a debate because only one side is directly affected, exhausted, distressed and having their lives and their children's lives made harder.

That guest blog sounds intersting, i need to learn about that stuff.

Yes it's raw.

She is currently undiagnosed which means that people don't always take it seriously. We don't fit anywhere.

'I don't know how you do it' guilty of saying it and also getting angry when it's said.

I will be that mum in the disabled area of a bus who will fold until dd6 is no longer able to contained by myself.

But I do use disabled loos if there is a changing area in there just due to the sheer mess she gets into. Though her fear of changing tables make things harder.

So stuck between baby rules and disabled rules.

Not making much sense

Rebecca that's great, children with SN, adult children with SN but please also consider parents with SN/disability.

Thanks

Misdee
You are totally making sense.
And being caught between baby rules and disabled rules is fine. It's driven by need not idle, entitled convenience.

Ds2 can manage on his own in the loo 99% of the time but if he is anxious, if it's noisy, if he's caught late or having a bad day then I would use the disabled loo. Because at that point he needs it and his ability to have a manageable experience matters.

You do what you need to. Xx

Did anyone else read the article The Independent ran on disability hate crime recently? It does contain some distressing descriptions so I won't link to it, but it did capture the lack of interest from the general public and media as to what is happening to some vulnerable people way too often.

Misdee DD (5) is at a similar stage. Our local disability partnersnip are great at not needing diagnosis to get aids like a radar key. They just get you to do a declaration of need and offer support. DD is what's reffered to as a complex case in our area. Shes getting support from multiple services.

On a positive note we also had a lovely trip to Blackpool pleassure beach with an assistance wristband with just a copy of her latest consultants report confirming very high anxiety no actual formal diagnosis. So there are places out there that are being progressive and on a good day things can be made a little easier.

The general public don't care. Attacks on people with LDs is not viewed as seriously as attacks on 'real' people.

That's good to know. She has a list of therapists and no diagnosis and no main paediatrian. We are waiting for GOSH neurology to see her. She doesn't qualify for DLA due to her age. Which I get but is still a kick in the teeth. But our LA have accepted her onto the additional needs database based on what we know so far.

Fortunately I know how to access most help from when DH was very unwell.

Misdee DS1 was turned down for DLA as his "care needs were not deemed more than that of a child his age" when he was 3ish. It was turned down on the look again system then when I appealed they looked again again and backdated the lot. It is a total pita but may be worth pursuing as they are consistently inconsistent IME.

We no longer claim it but it did help a lot through the preschool years.

I don't know if I have the fight to go to appeal
They turned down her reconsideration. We got that letter yesterday.

I totally understand that.It's probably got tougher since I last dealt with it. I was all for letting it drop but DS1's paediatrician got all animated about it being turned down.

Have you posted on the SN board about the decision? There's probably someone who's gone to appeal who can give you an honest account of how it was for them.

We just had our reconsideration/ mandatory reassessment turned down too last week. Maybe its a ploy rather like a few years back when it turned out all online applications were automatically rejected.

Maybe its a ploy rather like a few years back when it turned out all online applications were automatically rejected

Our paed says there are a lot of unfair rejections happening at moment again. He was preparing us for the worst. Says it is defintely worth appealing just now as they are chancing it a bit (very political paed)

Have updated my post in sn children rather than derail this one x

one thing i wish mn hq would do. is when they delete a post for being disablist, they give that reason

Oh, I agree Samcro. Instead of 'deleted for being against talk guidelines' the message should aalways state what it is:

Deleted for trolling

Deleted for being racist/disablist/homophobic

Deleted for a personal attack

Deleted for being a goady fucker

And so on.

It might make people pay a bit more attention if they knew they would be public ally called out in their opinions.

it just makes me feel they got away with it.
now no one knows they are disablist

That's a VERY good idea.

Seconded (or thirded?) That really would be effective I think.

MNHQ told me there is a three strikes and you're banned for persistent disablist comments - but I can't see how this works with NCers. I know MNHQ can probably see the NC history, but it doesn't feel at the moment like this is applied or that there are any serious consequences for people that post disablist shit.

They just get deleted (which could be for anything) and either just move on and keep posting so we all think they "get away with it" or they NC and and we think not another disablist poster. I also wonder if the three strikes thing just applies to one thread when it should be posters total history.

I've actually thought some of the worst comments on here could well be classed as hate speech. I understand deleting it but but I seriously think it should be left to stand so they show who they really are, and AS would make it clearer if someone's a goady fucker/disablist etc.

My ideal solution would be

Strike 1 - post left up with a visible warning from MNHQ for disablism marked on post (this would cover people who don't actually realise what they're saying is offensive

Strike 2 - post left up with visible warning

Strike 3 - post left up with edit from MNHQ advising poster has been banned.

I also think the NC facility should be suspended for people who have posts deleted.

Oh, I like that idea, Arf. If you name change to goad, attack or be offensive, then your post should revert to your usual username, and the post stand, with a highlighted message that not only is this poster a goady fucker, but also a coward who had to name change to say it.

Here you go all

Very well put