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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

MNHQ

Do you think it's a good idea to have a non-public, password-protected area for special needs parents to vent?

499 replies

JustineMumsnet · 17/10/2006 08:26

Following on for the discussion on this thread we'd like to know your thoughts.
For a little while now some of our special needs parents have said they don't feel Mumsnet is working for them in certain situations when they need to vent/rant/talk honestly about their situations and we've been thinking about whether there's anything structurally we can do to help. We feel very strongly that the special needs boards are a core part of Mumsnet and indeed for most of the last six years have been an exemplar of what we're all about - a place where parents can gain support and tap the experience of others to make their lives' easier. That said, we do understand that special needs parents are under extraordinary pressure and therefore more than most could do with a bit of privacy to vent when needed.
One idea that has been raised is a private, password-protected area for special needs parents on Mumsnet. This area would not be automatically visible to all but those who wanted to join could do so - though obviously you wouldn't have to join to discuss special needs - the existing public boards would remain. Clearly this is a break from the norm for Mumsnet and in some ways it feels an anathema because as we all know Mumsnet is an open forum and free access to all who need it is one of our underlying principles. But it's clear the current format is not working for many and if it's not helpful then we need to change things. We've thought about it a lot and feel it could be worth a try.
So what do you think? Special needs crowd, would this work for you do you think? Would you use it? NT parents how do you feel about it? Is it worth a go?
Let us know...
Thanks,
Mumsnet Towers

OP posts:
MrsForgetful · 17/10/2006 11:36

I used to post alot on MN...and have really been put off lately by all the stirrers who i like to belive 'accidently' post on SN threads when searching through active conversations...

so i personally would LOVE MN to try georginas idea first...but leave the ability to 'google search' for now..and YES a password area is good- but we must keep a SN public area running- we do need somwwhere to rant...but for me i have valued NT parents opinions too ...sometimes if only to ground me and remind me that we all struggle-sometimes it has helped me put things in prospective when i am drowning in worries...and a NT mum says she feels the same...it helps...if all SN was password protected..then we'd never get the views of the NT!!!
My reasons are :
If, like me...someone 'finds mumsnet' via google etc...cos they are at their wits end...and they have been searching the web for help...and as genuinely happened to me several years back...i googled and found a thread on mumsnet which offered me the solution to a problem...which then lead to so much help and support that i cannot begin to thank all concerned enough...
well...i still feel if i hadn't googled that day...i'd not be here now.

Also.....georginas ide is good...as i'm sure there are people that just access thread titles that they find 'amusing'...and don't even read any of the posts...and 'accidentally' offend....
I hope to god there are none who deliberately sabotage our SN posts...as likew someone said...Our life continues the same when we switch off the computer...but with their added 'nasty' comments adding to the guilt and stress we already feel...whilst they just walk away smirking at the fun they have had.

nutcracker · 17/10/2006 11:40

I think it would be a shame as I personally have learnt alot from the SN threads and have at least 2 good friends who post on there and I like to reply to their posts about xyz.

I am correct in thinking though that they have already set up their own board now and so this may be too late anyhow ?

2shoescreepingthroughblood · 17/10/2006 11:42

i haven't read the whole thread as for my own sanity I am satying away from hot topics.
I for one will never feel safe to post about dd on mn again.
I love mn and will continue to "chat" but cannot leave myself open to the hurt.
I hope you find a solution for others who use the sn board.
As something needs to be done. even if it is only moving it out of active convos.

trice · 17/10/2006 11:45

I would feel sad not to read the SN threads anymore. I think I have learned a lot from them.

It is tricky when posting very personal info about children though as they could be identified which wouldn't be fair. I can see why the SN parents would want to have a private area.

daisy1999 · 17/10/2006 11:49

no all areas should remain open. Surely people understand that postings on the internet can be read by anyone.
If people need privacy then the a chat forum on the internet is not the place to be.

Socci · 17/10/2006 11:53

Message withdrawn

Blu · 17/10/2006 11:54

I think that it's very important that there is a public SN board - where I can pop up and answer a question about splints, orthotics etc etc, and all sorts of factual and practical advice can be exchanged....and that that wouldn't disappear - but that there would, in addition, be a sort of 'yurt' for families experiencing life with a SN child.

I think it's up to the parents of SN children...and the rest of us can use our sense of maturity not to feel that something secret and exclusive is going on.

I do think that georgina has an excellent point - and many of the clashes of understanding have come when people have pilked into something because it was in Active Convos.

Marina · 17/10/2006 11:55

yurt - you've nailed it Blu. I would love to see that and accept it gladly if it made Mners with children with SN feel less unhappy about the way things are now.

SoupDragon · 17/10/2006 12:02

I think it would be very sad and also, where do you draw the line? Password protection for, oh I don't know, bottle feeders to discuss their problems without breastfeeders saying anything and vice versa? For Routine Based Parenters to ask for advice without anit Routine Based Parenters butting in? Pro/anti vaccination areas?

From what I understand, the SN parents have set up their own private place to vent anyway so I wonder if there is a need for a MN version too.

MrsForgetful · 17/10/2006 12:08

yes...the more i read...the more i believe we need it taken out of active convos...

MrsForgetful · 17/10/2006 12:08

JUSTINE????

Can we give it a try????

MNHQ
JustineMumsnet · 17/10/2006 12:09

Yes pretty sure we can do the active conversation thing fairly speedily - will set that in motion.

OP posts:
HuwEdwards · 17/10/2006 12:10

oh what a sad sad day for mn.

SoupDragon · 17/10/2006 12:13

Can you have it so that the default "active convos" is without SN but there is a "with SNs" option, like the ones removeing chat etc?

diNOLOOKINGOVERYOURSHOULDERsau · 17/10/2006 12:16

Agree with Blu.

aaronsbefuddledmummy · 17/10/2006 12:16

Might be a silly suggestion and bear in mind I have not read the whole thread but how about all sn threads appearing in another colour so it's easier to identify as sn so that people realise it is not chat etc iyswim.

Greensleeves · 17/10/2006 12:17

I think Soupdragon's last suggestion is the one which will do the least damage to the "feel" of the site. It's a good middle ground IMO, if something has to change.

lou33 · 17/10/2006 12:18

i dont want a password protected area, it feels like segregation

aaronsbefuddledmummy · 17/10/2006 12:19

If it is taken out of active convos new members won't realise how to access it. The 'with sn/without sn' idea is good.

Greensleeves · 17/10/2006 12:20

I agree with whoever it was who said that cloistering off special needs issues from the mainstream site has unpleasant connotations.

FreakyFloss · 17/10/2006 12:21

i feel like it is making mn a bit 'us' and 'them' iyswim and i don't like it.

MrsForgetful · 17/10/2006 12:23

yes...that 'with or without SN ' sounds good....

(i really do still believe that most people are lovely and would then only CHOOSE to post on SN cos they really wanted to)

MNHQ
JustineMumsnet · 17/10/2006 12:24

Honestly don't think it's sad HuwEdwards, more realistic. Mumsnet has changed simply by virtue of the fact it's hundreds of times bigger than it was... which in general is a good thing as more people have access to advice etc but many more posters does bring complications. From our perspective we need to find a way to continue to be as useful and relevant as we can be to all parents. If the special needs boards are not really working properly for the people they are designed to help then it's worth thinking about what modifications we can make, whilst being sensitive to the Mumsnet ethos. Don't think that's sad, necessarily... just a challenge.

OP posts:
suejonezisalwaysscarynotjustat · 17/10/2006 12:25

in reality it seems to me that the SN posters have pretty much deserted mumsnet for sensitive topics, haven't they? I haven't noticed many in recent weeks. So saying that it would be sad IF they felt unable to post is a bit late.

Anything we can do to make people feel more comfortable sharing their views/experiences more openly and encourage them back onto the boards for those newcomers who need their specialist support can only be a good thing.

Mercy · 17/10/2006 12:26

What do other parenting sites do? Or do they not have this situation?

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