Do you think it's a good idea to have a non-public, password-protected area for special needs parents to vent?

[JustineMumsnet]

Following on for the discussion on this thread we'd like to know your thoughts.
For a little while now some of our special needs parents have said they don't feel Mumsnet is working for them in certain situations when they need to vent/rant/talk honestly about their situations and we've been thinking about whether there's anything structurally we can do to help. We feel very strongly that the special needs boards are a core part of Mumsnet and indeed for most of the last six years have been an exemplar of what we're all about - a place where parents can gain support and tap the experience of others to make their lives' easier. That said, we do understand that special needs parents are under extraordinary pressure and therefore more than most could do with a bit of privacy to vent when needed.
One idea that has been raised is a private, password-protected area for special needs parents on Mumsnet. This area would not be automatically visible to all but those who wanted to join could do so - though obviously you wouldn't have to join to discuss special needs - the existing public boards would remain. Clearly this is a break from the norm for Mumsnet and in some ways it feels an anathema because as we all know Mumsnet is an open forum and free access to all who need it is one of our underlying principles. But it's clear the current format is not working for many and if it's not helpful then we need to change things. We've thought about it a lot and feel it could be worth a try.
So what do you think? Special needs crowd, would this work for you do you think? Would you use it? NT parents how do you feel about it? Is it worth a go?
Let us know...
Thanks,
Mumsnet Towers

True, Carolina. Do you think people would?

well, I was paraphrasing slightly, but this whole thing is a result of insensitive butting-in by other MNers to SN threads - if those people feel strongly enough to post on those threads, what's to stop them?

There are plenty of threads-about-threads at the moment - what would be different about this situation?

Perhaps new people joining MN could be given some information about how important the SN boards are and asking them to agree to post sensitively there, as part of the joining process? When I joined I didn't realise that usually only SN parents posted there, it's like an unwritten rule

I just don't think that would give them the privacy they want, unfortunately. There are no easy answers, are there?

Well, I suppose the point would be that the SN gang would still have their own threads on which to chat and could avoid the meta-threads if they wanted, whereas at the moment aren't people feeling as if they're being pushed off their own threads?

But it was just an idea and I'm not a SN parent myself

Ediemay - I'm not sure people always read info when they join sites - I know I don't, especially if I'm joining in a rush to get some ad hoc info on another topic.

"this whole thing is a result of insensitive butting-in by other MNers to SN threads..."
is that true Carolina? I didn't think so.
I thought it was more to do with a general feelin that this wasn't a particularly supportive place anymore (from some conversations in chat etc) leading to SN mums not wanting to post anymore.
rather than butting in anywhere.
maybe I have this wrong.

I think perhaps its true of some HC, from what I have gleaned. I certainly wouldnt attribute that to all SN parents. I think it depends on the individual experience of the poster.

dunno HC, maybe I've misinterpreted . I don't have an SN child and don't post on SN - I'm only going on the threads of the last few days.

I thought some people mentioned threads where people who don't have SN children jump in to SN threads with both feet, and either directly criticise the OP's parenting (not realising how inapplicable ordinary parenting techniques can be) or criticise the OP's attitude to their own child.

That's in addition to the offensive jokes and generalisations made about SN children on non-SN threads.

But as I say, I'm not part of it so I don't really know.

i'm new to mn, my "home" message board has password protected areas and it works very well.

as far as i understand it many sn parents are posting elsewhere at present because they don't feel safe to post on mn. surely if a more secure area were set up here then they would feel more able and willing to post on threads outside their "safe" space. i.e. it would bring the sn parents back into the mn community, rather than the reverse as feared.

a closed board for particularly sensitive issues does not mean that all topics would disappear from the open sn board. topics that would genuinely benefit from the broader experiences of nt parents could still be posted on the open board (and i think we can trust sn parents to judge where they should be posting). and questions from newbies could still be answered as the sn parents would still be here, most imnportantly.

so i'd be 100% behind it except that i'm also aware of how divisive the issue of "secret" boards can be if there is already an air of suspicion or cliquiness. personally i think anyone who feels like that should get over themselves

(in case it matters i'm not an sn parent)

At first I thought a password protected area was overkill. However, I keep seeing that Charlotte Wyatt thread coming up in active convos and some of the views being posted there make me absolutely sick. Earlier on today I was thinking it was good for people like me to see the kind of narrow mindedness that parents of SN children come across. Now I just feel battered by it and that if the SN parents want somewhere password protected to go they should have it. I hope they continue to post on 'open' boards as well.

I think NT famillies DO have a lot to offer Sn famillies, I know that before we realised about Sam, I was still quite able to work with SN famillies in my remit at HomeStart. AS long as poeple remember to be supportive (the off the active convo thing) then to me, personally (and I am one of many views I am aware) intervention is to be welcomed. I am also not sure where you draw the line: my frinds son is quite severely dyslexic which ahs a marked affect ont heir lives for instance, and my son is ona gluten free diet atm, but others on the regime wouldn't necessarily be in SN.....

d'ya see what I mean?

Do we need the yurt? do we not already have one elsewhere?

Sorry I don't know anything about what has happened,but I don't think it is a good idea.As a poster said sometimes I too look at some of the threads and I learn alot and it is an education for me.I learnt about Autsism once from jimjams i think.My son has dyslexia
I post alot on the relationship threads and people go on them and trample on feelings.Why are the posters that upset people deblt with? I don't mean the people that debate but some people seem to post on threads just with the intention of upsetting others.I thought it wasn't allowed.I am sorry you have all been upset

Madame platypus, in some ways that Charlotte Wyatt thread has made me pleased- because the vast majority of people do nto agree witht he OP which is fabulous,a nd at least one person admits to having their opinion changed for (imo) the better.

Obviously I wish the OP had never been written, but as a developing thread it has been mainly heartening.

I do wonder what happened to the MN blurb bit about supportive posting int hat it doesn't seem to be applied: perhaps we need a three astrikes and you're out system? A strike being two or more reported posts that MN towers would agree are offensive / baiting

I was going to say yes I thought it was a good idea but then I read one of the posts about people learning about why they their child may be behaving in a certain way and I realised that lots of people could miss out if it was seperate altogether. I think georginas idea about keeping it out of active convos is a good one as well as CD's idea for a reminder.

Could the thread titles show up in a different colour if they are still going to be on active convers ???

I was one of the posters who was critisised for displaying 'lack of tact' on a recent thread.

I disagreed with a sn parent and was widely rounded upon, told to eff off/I was boring/get a life blah blah blah. I wasn't remotely rude or abusive when putting my point whereas the people who disagreed with me most definitely were. And, imo (only, I seem to be alone on this), that wasn't on.

I'm fairly hard and don't offend that easily but still, I'm off. It was a disgusting display and it's made me angry and upset so I won't be back here. (I don't expect or want any sympathy, even if you give it I assure you I won't read it, this really is my last post - thanks for the competition and all that, which is what brought me here tonight after 2 days absence but I really am not coming back).

I think a separate special needs area would be the thin end of the wedge. I very much dislike this 'my life is worse than yours' card being played (anywhere, not just here) and whilst I appreciate that if you're a sn parent your life might very well be worse than mine it doesn't give you carte blanche to behave badly or fail to observe other human norms of civility.

And you don't know for sure that I don't have 1001 other vile, awful, terrifying, difficult, tragic things in my life, you just don't. So to assume that your life is worse and that it means you can say what you like to whom you like just isn't on imo.

And where do you draw the line? Multicultural familes? Make that private because if you don't have a mixed race child you can't possibly get it? Feeling depressed, as someone said, should you only be allowed in on production of an ad prescription?

I think I've learned a lot from reading the sn threads here (although not their job to educate, I agree) and I don't think they should be locked away but I also think it works both ways (and I know you won't like my sentiments but hey, so what) sn parents should remember that parents of nt children are people too, with issues and problems and opinions. Some of which will be as valid or difficult or as painful as their own.

OK, piece said, I really am off. Bye.

tbh, I think there are some gross over reactions on these boards.

the comment about the word 'bitch' was an over-reaction the furore that followed was an over-reaction, the need for locked rooms is an over-reaction, flouncing is an over-reaction

in my very humble opinion

World peace is a very long way off!

no.