Husband "hates all my clothes"

[KizzyA]

My husband and I had a heart to heart yesterday. We have issues but we've decided to try and work on them. One of the things that came up - that I'm now totally fixated on - is that he "hates" all my clothes.

I've had two babies in the past 3.5 years, I've gained weight. I probably dress more covered up than I used to but I also like colour, the more modern boxy shapes and things like barrel jeans (marmite, i know!) I mostly wear barrel jeans and a plain tshirt, birkenstock style sandals, that kind of thing. He said I look 'mumsy' (duh).

I asked him to send me some things he would like to see me wear, and they are things that I hate / know wouldn't suit me. Skinny jeans, awful black capri pants, the best was a pair of very tailored dark blue jeans - but they don't look comfortable for running around after the babies, walking the dog, etc ! To me, it looks outdated and 2000s style.

I'm not going to change the way I dress for him, and he said he doesn't in any way expect me to, but I now feel even more unattractive to my husband than I did before. I'd like to find a middle ground - something I like and that he likes too. The best I could find was those Starlight Nobodys Child dresses. Anybody have any ideas? In need of some inspiration and ideas 🙏

I just wouldn't accept what he said. Nobody would be allowed to control how I dressed. I dress in clothes I am comfortable in. That's it. It's not up for discussion.

No comment on relationships etc (only because someone is going to come along and say wear what you want, and you should..) but
if you wanted to compromise then your practical stuff during the day and more stuff he likes for nights out or days out together?
or ask him to send more.. ideas rather than actual clothes pieces? Like fashion instagrammers or celebrities where he thinks the clothes are nice?

I will certainly continue to wear what I want, but I also want my husband to feel attracted to me... hence trying to find a middle ground. I won't give up colour, but I'm willing to add some new things to my wardrobe we both like.

Well, I suppose it's a good thing you're not making him wear your clothes then!

Honestly, wear what you feel comfortable in.

He's not had babies and a change in body shape like you have.

Thank you, of course i wont wear things i dont want to... I just also want to be attractive to my husband. We dont have nights / days out together really (small kids, jobs, no sleep, etc) but it's something we are going to work on... great idea about IG/celeb ideas, thank you!!

This man who is criticising you, is he a sharp dresser, is he well turned out?

I didn't want this to turn into ltb. I want to find things we both like... he doesn't want me to change my clothes if I like them, we were just having a moment of deep honesty. I dont think it's a bad thing to want to bring a spark of attractiveness / sex back.

I like what he wears, yes. He's not a suit guy, but I wouldn't like that. Jeans and a casual shirt or tshirt. Fat Face kind of style ?

It sounds like you dress fashionably for your age and life stage (I'm also a mum of small children and this is definitely the most popular style for mums of young children around here).

He wants you to look dated and feel uncomfortable. Have you pointed out that he might just be a bit behind the times with the clothes he likes?

And what is he working on to improve your relationship, Op?

Yeah, its the first thing i said 😆 which is why i want to find things we both like... I like the starlight nobodys child dresses, and their tops, maybe wide legged jeans rather than barrel? I think it comes down to wanting to see more of my body shape and curves, maybe I should feel flattered. He's certainly not pushing this to make me feel uncomfortable, it was the kind of conversation where we put all things out on the table.

DH isn't crazy about what I wear, if he says it looks 'weird' I know it suits me 😂

What strikes me about your DH is that he's asking you to wear things that just aren't in fashion any more such as skinny jeans or that often are really unflattering like capri pants.

This is exactly what mine used to do and I had to point out that his choices were 'mumsy' not mine as he was living in the past.

Plenty. He's going to spend his savings on going private so his health issue is sorted properly and soon. He's got both the kids today, took the toddler to his club this morning. He picked up the kids and did their dinner last night. He's going to work on being less selfish (eg working on me not being the default parent at home), he works 5 days a week etc. He does plenty... me buying a few new outfits we both like doesn't seem too bad in exchange.

Jesus Christ. Skinny jeans? Sounds like he's just talking about clothes you probably had in 2017 or just before you had your babies? He wants to turn the clock back to get that woman.

Do not step back 10 years in fashion. Just don't. You'll feel terrible. No offence to your husband but he sounds fucking clueless on clothes so just smile and nod.

Yes I said that to him 😆 hes certainly stuck in our teen years !! I suppose I just want to know what does suit me. I don't know anymore with all the body changes. I'm a size 14, bigger boobs and thighs, definitely a hourglass. I used to be a size 10 before kids. I'm short - 5'1.

Ha that's exactly it. And I can't entirely blame him, some days I'd like to turn back the clock to be the people we were before kids ! I just want to find a middle ground.

I agree it sounds like he's saying he doesn't like the current fashions.

Yep. He's old fashioned. That can have its good and it's bad, turns out. I just want to feel attractive to myself and to him.

I wonder if he isn't keen on the fact that at the moment fashion is more about looser boxy styles?

Less of the skinny jean/bodycon dresses that were in fashion during the 2010s? My DH probably preferred a lot of that stuff from when we met to what I wear now 😂

I also dress very "mumsy" which I don't love but I'm tired, my kids wreck all my clothes by wiping stuff on me or pulling at the necklines of my tops and ruining them. I need to be comfortable and able to crawl around on the floor with them more than I need to be fashionable.

Where did you used to shop pre babies? Do you still like their clothes now?

I love my skinny jeans!

I love my skinny jeans too but I am slowly coming to the realisation that they have to go, at least until they are back in fashion.

I think that's it, he likes things a bit sexier and tighter 😆 not today's style, or practical at all! ...I probably dont like the clothes I used to wear, on my body now. If that makes sense. I dont want to show it off - i feel frazzled, tired, large, not something I want to show to the world.

This sounds like a veiled, negative comment on your weight and perceived level of effort to appear sexy (in the way he thinks of as sexy)

I used to, too! But they just dont suit me anymore!

Yep! Pre babies i would have worn skinny jeans but they just dont suit my body anymore.