Husband "hates all my clothes"

[KizzyA]

My husband and I had a heart to heart yesterday. We have issues but we've decided to try and work on them. One of the things that came up - that I'm now totally fixated on - is that he "hates" all my clothes.

I've had two babies in the past 3.5 years, I've gained weight. I probably dress more covered up than I used to but I also like colour, the more modern boxy shapes and things like barrel jeans (marmite, i know!) I mostly wear barrel jeans and a plain tshirt, birkenstock style sandals, that kind of thing. He said I look 'mumsy' (duh).

I asked him to send me some things he would like to see me wear, and they are things that I hate / know wouldn't suit me. Skinny jeans, awful black capri pants, the best was a pair of very tailored dark blue jeans - but they don't look comfortable for running around after the babies, walking the dog, etc ! To me, it looks outdated and 2000s style.

I'm not going to change the way I dress for him, and he said he doesn't in any way expect me to, but I now feel even more unattractive to my husband than I did before. I'd like to find a middle ground - something I like and that he likes too. The best I could find was those Starlight Nobodys Child dresses. Anybody have any ideas? In need of some inspiration and ideas 🙏

You’re trying to sort out relationship problems as it is and you’ve got 2 young kids to look after yet you sound strangely grateful that he didn’t tell you for 4 years that he hated your clothes? Like so what!

whether you wear barrel or wide leg jeans is not the issue here. If I were you I’d be fuming with him for even bringing what I wear into the mix. This won’t end well and I’d stop trying to appease him, not least because he has no clue about fashion himself.

Definitely recommend a personal shopper. I used John Lewis when I came back from living abroad and it was great. Back then there was a minimum spend but I see now there isn't. https://www.johnlewis.com/our-services/personal-styling

I recommend: Agree a budget (if you share finances with your DH; if not, just decide on one); have him mind the kids for the time you need; don't take him with you; maybe go with a friend if they're on the same page as you but otherwise go solo. Think beforehand about what you want: update your clothes for everyday life? Something for a date night? And enjoy it. You'll get a lovely person with no other agenda than to make you look your best and be comfortable. Relax with a drink while they rush around collecting stuff for you to try. They'll come up with outfits, shapes, colours you wouldn't have thought of.

Hope this helps.

Try brands like Seasalt Cornwall, Sugarhill Brighton, FatFace and Boden who often have a range of sizes and the petite options some of these have mean they are good gor shorter people. I'm short with big boobs and these brands work for me. Shirred dresses particularly good. Throw in a cute lacy baby doll from Love Honey and that might spice things up too.

I’m starting to really like shirred dresses too now.

Sounds like he is pretty clueless about what today's busy mums wear. Without wanting to sound alarmist, this sort of criticism sounds rather controlling. I would just laugh if says anything about your clothes again, tell him he is clueless and out of touch and do your your own thing

I don't think he is saying he finds you unattractive, just the clothes might need a change up. Sounds like he wants to see your figure, which is flattering, and 14 is not big!(God help me if it is 😂) maybe tops that cinch in under the bust, but looser further down so you feel comfortable, instead of boxy t.shirts, and some flowy trousers? Nice for this weather too. I am sure he will be happy with any little changes you try and make.

I also had 2 babies in a short space and agree comfort is key 🤣 I also had/have a hard time finding things that suit my body now. And me & my husband went shopping with the kids and he picked a few bits out and I did and tried everything on there and then. I was actually surprised and came away with stuff I never thought I would wear! My go to now is mom jeans, tshirt/vest top, birkenstocks, newbalance. Now its hot i got flowy looser jumpsuits, a couple of midi t shirt dresses x

I suspect that for four years she never asked and he didn't think it mattered. However it came up in their 'heart to heart' and so he mentioned it. It's probably no real issue to him, more of an issue to her.

I take it that if you have a heart to heart with your partner you only want the blowing kisses up your ass comments. You'd be a bit pissed off if he expressed an opinion you don't like.

I would find this upsetting too. You’re wearing what you choose, and what is most comfortable as a busy mum with a new figure since having your babies.
We all get stuck in a rut, and I for one chose comfort over anything for a long time pp.
Try new outfits when you decide to. But I do have to ask, do you like/care what your husband wears? Maybe you could go shopping together for a new outfit each. But if you’re happy and comfortable in what you wear, don’t change.

Ugh! All your clothes you were now? I have one boxy sweat shirt I wear when it’s cold and my partner told me he hates it & that hurt but I understand. He does like most of my clothes.

Take a moment to lick your wounds. That information might be fair but hurts. Self-esteem and clean hair and light makeup are usually much more sexy than whatever clothing we wear. Don’t buy anything quickly. I’d ask him for one more clarifying set of pics or links and have a think about it yourself for a couple weeks. In time I’m sure you can find some things for date nights that are your style now, comfortable & he likes.

It’s okay to tell him that what he likes is not fashionable anymore & not practical but you will work to find some clothes for date nights he likes. Maybe something completely different like a dress? Or tight capri jeans that are blue with a floaty, flowy, ethereal top.