Husband "hates all my clothes"

[KizzyA]

My husband and I had a heart to heart yesterday. We have issues but we've decided to try and work on them. One of the things that came up - that I'm now totally fixated on - is that he "hates" all my clothes.

I've had two babies in the past 3.5 years, I've gained weight. I probably dress more covered up than I used to but I also like colour, the more modern boxy shapes and things like barrel jeans (marmite, i know!) I mostly wear barrel jeans and a plain tshirt, birkenstock style sandals, that kind of thing. He said I look 'mumsy' (duh).

I asked him to send me some things he would like to see me wear, and they are things that I hate / know wouldn't suit me. Skinny jeans, awful black capri pants, the best was a pair of very tailored dark blue jeans - but they don't look comfortable for running around after the babies, walking the dog, etc ! To me, it looks outdated and 2000s style.

I'm not going to change the way I dress for him, and he said he doesn't in any way expect me to, but I now feel even more unattractive to my husband than I did before. I'd like to find a middle ground - something I like and that he likes too. The best I could find was those Starlight Nobodys Child dresses. Anybody have any ideas? In need of some inspiration and ideas 🙏

True, but it's sad that the reason you want to change what you wear is his comment. If he'd not said anything, would you have changed?

This is great advice, and good to know we're not alone ! Thank you. Definitely going to look into a personal shopper.

There’s definitely a middle ground to be found. Some men still see their wives as the younger version they fell in love, so like the styles they wore then. My DH would love my hair long - he thinks it’s attractive and it was long when we met. I look like an old hag with long hair at this age, so my compromise is to have mid length hair. If I desperately wanted a short cut I would get one, and he would accept it. But I love him, and am happy to compromise. In the same way that he will accept any comments I might have about his dress sense etc. It’s called a relationship- that’s how it works.

I would definitely see a stylist - it’s a fun thing to do anyway. If you can afford it, see a couple, it’s good to get different people’s takes.

I'm not going to change what I wear all the time... but add some new pieces to the mix so that occasionally I can wear something I know might put a smile on his face as well as mine. I've been on a search for years for 'my style' and recently lost some weight so yes, ive been talking about buying new clothes but not sure what to get... I'm not listening to him completely! For example, i wear a pair of red tailored trousers a lot. He said they are quite 'loud'. Screw him. I love them.

Good idea!

I don’t think this guy is on trend and that’s the problem. It’s his, not yours and in a sweeping generalisation, I think it’s quite common with men to get stuck in the past.

Thank you, this is exactly where I'm coming from ❤️

Wow, people are really taking this a shit way, arent they?
We all have stuff in our wardrobe that we know our partners like us in, don't we? The item that never fail to say 'you look nice' when you put it on? I'm not sure that it's that bad of a thing to choose that item or similar from the wardrobe when you're having a day together.

I wouldn't take what he says he likes literally, it sounds like just likes to see you in something that flatters your figure, rather than drapes over it. It sounds like some of what he's saying can be easily achieved by tucking a top in and belting your jeans to accentuate your waist, rather than wearing it boxy.

Yep, would agree! I think they stick with their younger days trends a bit more... I'm not going back there !!! A compromise is all I'm looking for.

Thank you!! I do feel a bit attacked ... 100% agree, tucking the top in/ wearing a dress might be a cheap way of compromise.

Has anyone seen a personal shopper online?? I'm looking for a local one and there aren't many (we are quite rural)

I think dresses would be a good choice for your figure but needs to be the right shape. Go for a style with a fitted bodice and waist and then a fuller skirt. They used to be called ‘fit and flare’ - don’t know if they still are.
alternately, you could get a shirt dress and bring the waist in with a belt. I think that would be flattering.
Finally, as you’re petite it would be worth looking at petite ranges like Next for a better fit.
best of luck to you

Good point.

Actually I have my hair mid length as well for the same reason. I'd have it short otherwise. Didn't even think of that.

OP you might find it quite fun trying out some new styles. I used to a get a style box once a month (think it was called stitch fix) and that really opened me eyes to what looked good on me.
I was always a skinny jeans and t shirt sort of girl but I've been wearing more harem/wide legged high waist floaty trousers recently for example.

I'm still of the opinion that nothing looks good on me though, but that's a separate issue 🤣

@KizzyA can you show us any examples of things that you like/ would buy/ have bought recently? So maybe a few similar alternatives can be offered.

To me, it sounds like what you wear is fashionable and appropriate for your life-style. Whereas what he likes is rather dated.
I can't imagine my husband having a strong opinion on what I was wearing to pop to Sainsbury's.
I am with everyone who says it's none of his business. But I understand you want to feel attractive to him. I would buy (sharing ideas with him) an evening outfit (perhaps a more fitted dress - definitely doesn't have to be stereotypically sexy! Just something that you feel extra special in, and that he likes) and plan an evening date. I know this is hard with jobs and young kids, but a special night out like this, where your fulll attention is on each other, could relight some of the spark.
Then keep wearing your barrel jeans and Birkenstocks for day. Hopefully he will realize that what makes your desirable is really not how you look, but the love and energy you bring to family life.

Honesty there is nothing wrong with trying to please your husband if it’s an improvement. I don’t understand all these posters telling you that he doesn’t have a right to tell you what to wear. Of course you could wear what the hell you want but I’ve just read a thread where a women was discussing how unattracted she feels to her husband because he is slovenly and unkempt. I’m not saying that you are the same at all but merely pointing out that each person in a relationship is allowed to have preferences and desires and you are not being a doormat by allowing yourself to make him happy provided that you too are happy with the changes. It may be refreshing for you to as so often we get stuck in a rut and comfortable! Women reinvent their style all the time and nobody judges them but because you seem to be doing it at the request of your husband, the feminists are out to hang you. I think it wonderful that couples can discuss their wishes and desires and have their partner willing to try. There would be less divorce if more people were open to improving themselves.

I would go on a fun shopping date with your husband. Choose some clothes and see what you feel, maybe his ideas are unrealistic given your body shape and he will see that.

Perhaps losing a stone or two would help you feel sexier. Size 14 at 5ft 1in must be quite a high bmi as well. I know it's fashionable and kind on here to say you've had two babies so be kind, but just because you have had children doesn't mean you need to accept being larger.

I totally get what you say about comfortable clothes - who wants to feel uncomfortable? But if you did want to make a change, could you keep the jeans and look at cuter tops?

For ideas, I'm lucky enough to sometimes go clothes shopping with my daughter, who just seems to know how to put things together in a way that I just don't. I also now try to look at the details of the outfit if I see someone who looks good in their clothes (and is about my size) and take those ideas shopping. Good luck!

Sure! These are all things ive bought in the last few months ...

https://www.fatface.com/style/su527026/au7884?dtm_source=GOOGLE&dtm_channel=PPC&dtm_campaign=UK_EN_Shopping_Women_All_X_X&dtm_content=Fatface+Women%27s+Joggers&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21696262777&gbraid=0AAAAADRPIykT9Vqrz2a0mUJOV9vbhINYf&gclid=Cj0KCQjwmqPDBhCAARIsADorxIZLDUexG2Pdcs0A9FZka5uDr5Y2hTMvGdwElpejai-eiokztRJ9xMoaAiFNEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds#AU7884

https://www.fatface.com/style/su409311/e88175#e88175

https://tuclothing.sainsburys.co.uk/product/tuc145339654?istCompanyId=07cf3c1d-7207-477f-aab0-212732e114dd&istFeedId=03391e81-6312-4095-9322-96087f0115ae&istItemId=qpplwraix&istBid=t&utm_source=google&utm_medium=free_listing&utm_campaign=merchant_center

Well, he can't..he needs to grow up.

So he's using "mumsy" as an insult to his wife who has had 2 children in the last 3.5 years?
Nice.

I completely agree. I have been losing weight, and continue to do so. I was a size 18 after my second baby was born. I totally ballooned over the past 5 years - was a size 10 before my first pregnancy but sadly lost the baby in 3rd trimester and didn't deal with the grief well. I have thyroid issues that aren't really under control which makes it quite tough and no time to exercise... slowly but surely it's coming off though. Thank you for your honesty ❤️

Good idea!I'm going to start looking on social media and try to be purposeful with my clothes choices!

I'm sorry for your loss, OP, I think it makes your husband's response even worse, tbh. Fair enough if you want to get slimmer and healthier for yourself and your children, but he's being critical and not supportive.
I think there are obviously problems in marriage. Would you consider couples counselling?