Page 4 | Husband "hates all my clothes"

KizzyA · 2025-07-05T11:37:42+00:00

My husband and I had a heart to heart yesterday. We have issues but we've decided to try and work on them. One of the things that came up - that I'm now totally fixated on - is that he "hates" ^all ^ my clothes. I've had two babies in the past 3.5 years, I've gained weight. I probably dress more covered up than I used to but I also like colour, the more modern boxy shapes and things like barrel jeans (marmite, i know!) I mostly wear barrel jeans and a plain tshirt, birkenstock style sandals, that kind of thing. He said I look 'mumsy' (duh). I asked him to send me some things he would like to see me wear, and they are things that I hate / know wouldn't suit me. Skinny jeans, awful black capri pants, the best was a pair of very tailored dark blue jeans - but they don't look comfortable for running around after the babies, walking the dog, etc ! To me, it looks outdated and 2000s style. I'm not going to change the way I dress for him, and he said he doesn't in any way expect me to, but I now feel even more unattractive to my husband than I did before. I'd like to find a middle ground - something I like and that he likes too. The best I could find was those Starlight Nobodys Child dresses. Anybody have any ideas? In need of some inspiration and ideas 🙏

ladykale · 05/07/2025 14:29

Tbf the barrel jeans and wide leg fashion at the moment imo looks worse on non-skinny people so I’m with him! It makes people look frumpy and mumsy compared to a more fitted jean that compliments curves, but that’s just my opinion

Shessweetbutapsycho · 05/07/2025 14:30

Topseyt123 · 05/07/2025 12:43

I just wouldn't accept what he said. Nobody would be allowed to control how I dressed. I dress in clothes I am comfortable in. That's it. It's not up for discussion.

The thing is it’s his opinion, which he’s entitled to. He’s said he doesn’t expect OP to change what she wears, she can wear what she wants but he’s allowed to dislike it

diterictur · 05/07/2025 14:30

TheRoundestRobin · 05/07/2025 14:24

OP, your eldest is only 3.5. Mine is 5.5 and I'm only just emerging from the "what's clean, comfy and breastfeeding-friendly?" approach to style 😅
The clothes you wear sound practical and fashionable. But I can relate to the tension (either within yourself or in the couple) of there being an idea of what you used to look like and how you used to dress, and that not working with your new body.
I'm not in any way affiliated with this service but I used the StyleMeHappy service on FB/IG (widely recommended on MN!) and was really happy with it - she does a colour and shape analysis and advises on what colours and styles will suit you. It persuaded me to try styles that I wouldn't have previously. But one of the best, simplest tips I picked up from there is the power of some lipstick and a necklace or earrings to upgrade your outfit.
I don't think you should wear things you dont like just because your partner likes it, but I do think it feels good when you put something on and your partner says "you look nice!" - we all like to feel desirable and it sounds like hes being honest about what he finds attractive rather than trying to batter your confidence or control what you wear.

Cross posted with you - totally agree.

My younger one is now in school and I finally feel my interest in my appearance re-emerging and it is the little things. I am currently trying to wear jewellery every day and it really does make a difference to how I feel about myself and DH definitely appreciates it.

fthisfthatfeverything · 05/07/2025 14:31

Who cares it’s not him wearing it! Be yourself.
although I, on the other hand try to dress nice and wear make up for myself but also try to stay the same person he married, 3 kids in…. But that’s my choice and he takes me as he finds me. Some days I’m in baggy joggers, no make up & look tired 🥱

i guess is easy to find some new threads that look good and feel comfy.

Original poster

KizzyA · 05/07/2025 14:31

Jojo2408 · 05/07/2025 14:18

It just seems a bit weird that this is a sticking point for him? That he is genuinely bothered by what your wear?? It sounds like you have nice style and it’s appropriate for looking after two young kids.

I’m sort of in the same boat, 2 kids in 3.5 years too, I’m a lot bigger than I was pre kids and my style is so different to what I used to wear. DH will often say ‘oh this would suit you, this would look nice’ etc when we’re out shopping but he’s never criticised what I’m wearing and always tells me I look beautiful.

I don’t know about you, but when I gave birth I just didn’t want to wear tight short clothing anymore and I wanted to dress a bit more modestly because I’m a mum! And there’s nothing wrong with that. Doesn’t mean I want to look frumpy. You can still look good and wear looser fitting clothing.

I think your DH needs to accept that you’re in a different phase of your life and clothes don’t define whether you’re sexy or not.

...he says exactly the same. He tells me he loves me every morning and night, he buys me flowers, he runs me baths with candles, he is a GOOD GUY that happens to not like barrel jeans 😆😆 he suggested wide legged jeans instead. Its not like he wants me to walk around in a corset (although I'm sure he wouldn't complain!)

OP posts:

persisted · 05/07/2025 14:32

Dresses - I like a shape that's fitted at the top and flares a bit from the waist.
Shirt dresses, wrap dresses, skater, - Jersey is easier to manage, shorts underneath both for the club rub and also to avoid flashing when running about.

I know everyone loves midi dresses, but I prefer shorter or longer. Midi doesn't do me any favours.

Jojo2408 · 05/07/2025 14:33

diterictur · 05/07/2025 14:27

It just seems a bit weird that this is a sticking point for him? That he is genuinely bothered by what your wear?? It sounds like you have nice style and it’s appropriate for looking after two young kids

I don't think it's weird at all.

I think some women - and I think I did this when the kids were younger - just completely shift their persona, including clothing, to being about being a mum rather than being a woman.

It's not that men don't understand that things change and you're not going to look exactly the same at 35 with two kids as at 21 when you met but when you send the signal so strongly that you see yourself as mum exclusively, it's understandable that that's not particularly sexy.

But surely when your kids are young, being a mum is your most important role? I’m not going to crawl around after the kids in skinny jeans or a mini skirt because my husband would find it sexy. 99% of my time is consumed by being a mother and I accept that. I know a time will come when they’re older and I can focus on myself again. I think you have to be very selfless when they’re younger. I’m not saying lose your identity, but practicality is key. The clothes will end up with milk stains and food all over them anyway!

My husband isn’t fussed about what I wear and often says being a mother is the most womanly thing I can do. He finds me sexy regardless, and who cares about the clothes when you’re doing to take them off anyway 😂

Original poster

KizzyA · 05/07/2025 14:34

Stepintomyshoes · 05/07/2025 14:18

He’s not the one wearing the clothes, so why does he have to have a taste for barrel leg jeans?

when he says he hates your clothes, he’s saying he doesn’t find you attractive. That’s pretty rude. You can call posters telling you this is weird rude if it protects your feelings, but I think you know deep down it’s weird which is why you’ve reacted so defensively.
im sorry, I’m actually speaking in defence of you as I think it’s awful you’ve been made to feel this way, so not trying to deliberately upset you. I just think you need to hear that it’s not normal for a husband to speak to their wife like this.

Have you read my previous comments? I literally in the same conversation told him I dont fancy him and dont find myself wanting to have sex with him... if he felt the same he would have been able to say. It was one of those brutally honest conversations.

Thank you for speaking in defence of me, but I honestly dont need it. You've totally got the wrong end of the stick.

OP posts:

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 05/07/2025 14:36

Stepintomyshoes · 05/07/2025 14:06

I find this really, really odd.

Sorry but my husband saying he hates my clothes would give me the massive ick and ring alarm bells.

when you love a person and find them attractive, it’s because of who they are as a person, and the chemistry you have together. If he’s focusing on superficial things like your jeans, I don’t know, it’s a pretty depressing indictment of how he sees you and the state of your relationship.

I agree.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

Jojo2408 · 05/07/2025 14:36

KizzyA · 05/07/2025 14:31

...he says exactly the same. He tells me he loves me every morning and night, he buys me flowers, he runs me baths with candles, he is a GOOD GUY that happens to not like barrel jeans 😆😆 he suggested wide legged jeans instead. Its not like he wants me to walk around in a corset (although I'm sure he wouldn't complain!)

Show quote history

Hmmmm OP you’re coming across as very defensive in your comments, as if we are all criticising your husband and you have to defend him. But it’s the way you’ve worded your original post which makes it seem that you’ve had issues in your relationship and he’s criticising how you look on top of everything.

diterictur · 05/07/2025 14:37

Jojo2408 · 05/07/2025 14:33

But surely when your kids are young, being a mum is your most important role? I’m not going to crawl around after the kids in skinny jeans or a mini skirt because my husband would find it sexy. 99% of my time is consumed by being a mother and I accept that. I know a time will come when they’re older and I can focus on myself again. I think you have to be very selfless when they’re younger. I’m not saying lose your identity, but practicality is key. The clothes will end up with milk stains and food all over them anyway!

My husband isn’t fussed about what I wear and often says being a mother is the most womanly thing I can do. He finds me sexy regardless, and who cares about the clothes when you’re doing to take them off anyway 😂

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There's a middle ground though.

Clothes can be practical and comfortable without being hideous

Jojo2408 · 05/07/2025 14:38

diterictur · 05/07/2025 14:37

There's a middle ground though.

Clothes can be practical and comfortable without being hideous

Show quote history

Agree with you there. You can dress comfortably and fashionably at the same time. I’m just talking about the skinny jeans aspect.

MaidOfSteel · 05/07/2025 14:39

I’ve been buying straight leg ankle grazers from M&S (they have them in 4 or 5 different colours) that have a bit of stretch in them so are very comfy. May be worth a try. I think they do some more tapered ankle grazers, too, if you prefer that cut. Or how about some straight leg jeans, again with stretch for comfort if you like, in a darker denim, might help you look a bit taller.

I don’t think you’re wrong to try and incorporate some different items into your wardrobe, things that you both like and make you feel good.

Original poster

KizzyA · 05/07/2025 14:40

Jojo2408 · 05/07/2025 14:36

Hmmmm OP you’re coming across as very defensive in your comments, as if we are all criticising your husband and you have to defend him. But it’s the way you’ve worded your original post which makes it seem that you’ve had issues in your relationship and he’s criticising how you look on top of everything.

Show quote history

I know I'm coming over as defensive, apologies. Many posters are attacking my husband, so i am feeling like i need to defend him. We certainly do have issues, which is why we've decided to try marriage counselling. But him preferring me in wide legged jeans to barrel jeans is not the big issue! If people read my comments I think they might understand a little better.

OP posts:

Original poster

KizzyA · 05/07/2025 14:41

Jojo2408 · 05/07/2025 14:38

Agree with you there. You can dress comfortably and fashionably at the same time. I’m just talking about the skinny jeans aspect.

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...agree. I'm just looking for suggestions and tips on what is comfortable, practical, fashionable and a little sexy!

OP posts:

Falingoth · 05/07/2025 14:41

AnnaMagnani · 05/07/2025 13:14

I love my skinny jeans too but I am slowly coming to the realisation that they have to go, at least until they are back in fashion.

They went out of fashion?

Original poster

KizzyA · 05/07/2025 14:42

MaidOfSteel · 05/07/2025 14:39

I’ve been buying straight leg ankle grazers from M&S (they have them in 4 or 5 different colours) that have a bit of stretch in them so are very comfy. May be worth a try. I think they do some more tapered ankle grazers, too, if you prefer that cut. Or how about some straight leg jeans, again with stretch for comfort if you like, in a darker denim, might help you look a bit taller.

I don’t think you’re wrong to try and incorporate some different items into your wardrobe, things that you both like and make you feel good.

Thank you so much. Will definitely look for those... a few people have mentioned m&s jeans so might try going there tomorrow !!

OP posts:

Zebedee999 · 05/07/2025 14:42

Topseyt123 · 05/07/2025 12:43

I just wouldn't accept what he said. Nobody would be allowed to control how I dressed. I dress in clothes I am comfortable in. That's it. It's not up for discussion.

Ridiculous. Life is about compromise.

Stepintomyshoes · 05/07/2025 14:42

KizzyA · 05/07/2025 14:40

I know I'm coming over as defensive, apologies. Many posters are attacking my husband, so i am feeling like i need to defend him. We certainly do have issues, which is why we've decided to try marriage counselling. But him preferring me in wide legged jeans to barrel jeans is not the big issue! If people read my comments I think they might understand a little better.

Show quote history

Read all your comments, and still hasn’t changed my view.

My husband wanting me to wear a certain style of jeans would weird me out. I think this sounds like a reaction to you telling him you don’t fancy him. He sounds hurt and like he needed to hurt you too. Not sure how helpful it was for you to do this to each other. Good you’re going to marriage counselling to try to find a way back to respectful dialogue.

Original poster

KizzyA · 05/07/2025 14:44

Jojo2408 · 05/07/2025 14:33

But surely when your kids are young, being a mum is your most important role? I’m not going to crawl around after the kids in skinny jeans or a mini skirt because my husband would find it sexy. 99% of my time is consumed by being a mother and I accept that. I know a time will come when they’re older and I can focus on myself again. I think you have to be very selfless when they’re younger. I’m not saying lose your identity, but practicality is key. The clothes will end up with milk stains and food all over them anyway!

My husband isn’t fussed about what I wear and often says being a mother is the most womanly thing I can do. He finds me sexy regardless, and who cares about the clothes when you’re doing to take them off anyway 😂

Show quote history

He doesn't want me crawling around in a mini skirt 😆 and being a mother is the most important role, I agree. But equally I've lost myself to it. I want to find myself again. Think the problem might be that I'm 'mum' so much I cant get out of that role and so taking the clothes off isnt happening 😆😆

OP posts:

Falingoth · 05/07/2025 14:46

Stepintomyshoes · 05/07/2025 14:42

Read all your comments, and still hasn’t changed my view.

My husband wanting me to wear a certain style of jeans would weird me out. I think this sounds like a reaction to you telling him you don’t fancy him. He sounds hurt and like he needed to hurt you too. Not sure how helpful it was for you to do this to each other. Good you’re going to marriage counselling to try to find a way back to respectful dialogue.

Show quote history

My husband has never said a word about my clothes and what I wear. He certainly likes it when I wear certain things but he'd never in a million years tell me he hates what I wear. If he did, he'd get a slap.
He always tells me I look nice, even when I don't think I do.
You look mumsy, because you're a mum and you want to be comfy!

MaidOfSteel · 05/07/2025 14:47

KizzyA · 05/07/2025 14:42

Thank you so much. Will definitely look for those... a few people have mentioned m&s jeans so might try going there tomorrow !!

Show quote history

These are the straight leg ankle grazers. I have them in every colour!

www.marksandspencer.com/cotton-rich-straight-leg-ankle-grazer-trousers/p/clp60728656?color=BUFF#intid=pid_pg1pip48g2r3c2

Original poster

KizzyA · 05/07/2025 14:48

Stepintomyshoes · 05/07/2025 14:42

Read all your comments, and still hasn’t changed my view.

My husband wanting me to wear a certain style of jeans would weird me out. I think this sounds like a reaction to you telling him you don’t fancy him. He sounds hurt and like he needed to hurt you too. Not sure how helpful it was for you to do this to each other. Good you’re going to marriage counselling to try to find a way back to respectful dialogue.

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He doesn't 'want me' to wear them. He said he prefers how they look on me ? I think that's ok to say, why dont you? It doesn't mean I will change my style, whole wardrobe, drop all colour and return to the 2000s... maybe it is a reaction to me telling him I dont fancy him. That's also OK. I'm sure it did hurt, we all lash out when hurt. its very helpful to have honest conversations in a relationship, I find. We are already happier with each other this morning in a more genuine way.

"Respectful dialogue"? Didn't realise you were there 😶

OP posts:

NotMeNoNo · 05/07/2025 14:49

DH and I had a similar conversation earlier sorting the washing, he just said I need some new T shirts, they all look a mess. I said , have you thought of wearing a shirt, imagining an artfully crumpled architect casual look. He just said "i wear a shirt only when I have to" and gave a look that reminded me I said the same thing about why I never wear a dress.

I suggest you both try a personal shopper. It's possible to be just as comfortable but a bit more intentional on colour, fit, one or two accessories and look a lot more put together and attractive.

Original poster

KizzyA · 05/07/2025 14:49

Falingoth · 05/07/2025 14:46

My husband has never said a word about my clothes and what I wear. He certainly likes it when I wear certain things but he'd never in a million years tell me he hates what I wear. If he did, he'd get a slap.
He always tells me I look nice, even when I don't think I do.
You look mumsy, because you're a mum and you want to be comfy!

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He was close to getting a slap! I was very unimpressed! But I can also respect that hes been honest with me. That's ok. Its also ok that I dont want to look fat and drab, just because I'm a mum...

OP posts: