Husband "hates all my clothes"

[KizzyA]

My husband and I had a heart to heart yesterday. We have issues but we've decided to try and work on them. One of the things that came up - that I'm now totally fixated on - is that he "hates" all my clothes.

I've had two babies in the past 3.5 years, I've gained weight. I probably dress more covered up than I used to but I also like colour, the more modern boxy shapes and things like barrel jeans (marmite, i know!) I mostly wear barrel jeans and a plain tshirt, birkenstock style sandals, that kind of thing. He said I look 'mumsy' (duh).

I asked him to send me some things he would like to see me wear, and they are things that I hate / know wouldn't suit me. Skinny jeans, awful black capri pants, the best was a pair of very tailored dark blue jeans - but they don't look comfortable for running around after the babies, walking the dog, etc ! To me, it looks outdated and 2000s style.

I'm not going to change the way I dress for him, and he said he doesn't in any way expect me to, but I now feel even more unattractive to my husband than I did before. I'd like to find a middle ground - something I like and that he likes too. The best I could find was those Starlight Nobodys Child dresses. Anybody have any ideas? In need of some inspiration and ideas 🙏

I hope not. I asked him, and he said he still finds me attractive which is why he wants me to dress more confidently, or how he perceives that. But like I said, he doesn't expect me to change.

I am a woman and this won’t be a popular opinion…. But a lot of women let themselves go after having kids. You can still look polished and be wearing practical clothes.

I agree with you OP, I don’t think it’s a lot to ask to buy a few new outfits that you both like, especially if he’s making an effort in other ways,

I used to like skinny jeans but not anymore. But I think this new fashion for barrel jeans and boxy T-shirts only suits stick thin women and makes the average woman look fatter than they probably are (especially if they have hips, boobs or a bum).

My DH feels the same way about current fashion! And I understand, it isn't very sexy and it's not meant to be.

What about something like the Hush Kensington dresses? They are very comfortable but also flattering

Thank you so much for understanding. I was feeling a bit sad that it's turned into negativity towards a generally lovely man and father... what do you wear? I'm looking for practical tips and suggestions, not man bashing.

Thank you for your suggestion!! I will definitely take a look...

No, my younger siblings (in their 20s) have a totally different attitude to fashion. Its not sexy. But I do still want to feel attractive, as do many other women!

It’s lovely to read your posts OP. You sound like a great, together couple. ❤️

'We have issues but we've decided to try and work on them.'

You realise the way you dress is a Red Herring. I'd take that as a polite way of saying he doesn't fancy you anymore.

I dress like a tramp while at home and my DH has never mentioned what clothes I wear.

I get what you mean. It matters to me that my husband finds me attractive and likes what I wear (not as much as that I like it of course which is why I still have my birks and rock double denim frequently) but it does matter, just like it matters to him that I like what he's wearing.

I think j have a similar shape to you and I like a silky skirt with a graphic tshirt for example a band tshirt. I cinch with a belt in the waist to highlight curves and the tshirt can be tucked in but loose or tight for a sexier look.

It is really hard knowing what suits you when yor body changes. Would you be open to going on a joint shopping trip together - he pays obviously.

Or a session with a personal shopper? I did this when I was low in confidence and she got me wearing things I would never had picked. I was fixated that no trousers fitted me and she just powered through picking out 20 odd pairs and insisting it wasn't me, it was the cut.

Left to my own devices I'd have tried on one pair, despaired that I was too fat and gone home.

I get what you mean exactly. And I think it's fine for him to be honest about the clothes. He's not saying he doesn't find you attractive. But that boxy, Birkenstock look is imo very functional and doesn't exactly send 'I want you to desire me' messages.

There are some nice straight legged cropped (just above ankle) chinos in M&S right now. Very practical, and also very flattering (I know because I'm overweight and I looked way slimmer in these than any other cut of trousers when I tried them on.) You could wear these with some of the boho summery tops that are around at the moment, (like this one from Monsoon )maybe with a vest or cropped teeshirt bra underneath and some cute trainers rather than Birkenstocks. Adidas have some gorgeous trainers in summery colours right now. Like these.

And maybe a couple of midi/midaxi summer dresses.

What colours suit you?

Yeah maybe he doesn't fancy me anymore. We have sex a lot less, we've both gained weight, tired, no time together - passing ships in the night. Part of the conversation was me telling him that sometimes I'm not attracted to him or want to have sex with him when he acts in certain ways. I think with that having been said, if he didn't fancy me either he would have been able to say so. We are working on our problems because you find me a couple with a 3yo and 1yo that dont have a few problems... we've been together since we were 16, I'm trying to be realistic. He hadn't told me that he didn't like the clothes I've been wearing for the past 3/4 years until yesterday either !

Thank you! This is a fab idea and something I think he'd like too ❤️

That's a brilliant idea. How did you find the personal shopper ? I would want to find a good one!

I'd be slightly irritated and mostly think 'I'll wear what I want' but also have some understanding that it's better for him to express his opinion than have hidden resentment.

I would go for the wear what you like in daytime for practicality but set up some 'date nights', yes I hate the term too but I like the concept where you will go out together and both dress up a bit and endeavour to spend time together.

I can live with a dress that wouldn't be my thing for a special occasion - like I would do for weddings etc. and working on relationships, especially spousal ones is a worthy investment of time, money and effort.

THANK YOU! this is exactly the kind of advice I was looking for. Love these ideas. Will definitely take a look for those chinos...

I've been complimented in black, dark green etc but personally I like burgundy, reds, greens... I've got dark hair, brown eyes and that kind of skin tone that's pale but also tans very well.

I bet it is that! 99.9999% of the times my husband has said I look nice it’s because I’m wearing something tighter or more low cut than usual 😂

"I wonder if he isn't keen on the fact that at the moment fashion is more about looser boxy styles?"

I wouldn't say it is. Yes, the bottom half, wide legs are in, but the top half is tucked in and not too loose if you're wearing wide-legged jeans.
When the skinny jeans first came in, they were paired with long loose tops so it's the other way around now.

Thank you! We really dont have time for dates but maybe we need to take time off work to do it while the kids are in nursery.

I was irritated and had that initial reaction too. I've not stopped thinking about it, obc from this thread 😆 but I've come around to it really not being the worst thing in the world!

Men 😆😆

Yeah mine too. Keeps asking me to wear skinny jeans and short things 🙄🤣

I hope it works out for you. You seem level headed and realistic.
In terms of clothes you cant go wrong with boho style dresses. They're comfy and feminine.

Some of my favourite sites:
Traffic People: Women's Floral Dresses, Tops & Jumpsuits
Free People UK: Women's Boho Clothing, Beauty + Accessories
SilkFred | Unique Women’s Fashion From 500+ Brands Online
Dresses for Women | Nobody’s Child

I know my DH likes seeing me in tight pants but after giving birth and weight gain my stomach is much bigger than before. I wear high waist leggings from M&S when I am home with my nicer T shirts/shirts and when I go out I have leggings that look like jeans etc. I wear my baggy clothes when my DH is out. I randomly found really nice dresses from Amazon but I suppose that’s a miss and hit with them.

Small thing that could be a middle ground: Topshop @ asos do hourglass jeans - I'm also an hourglass who prefers the oversized/unfitted look and I wear them for daytime a lot. You can size down a bit on those jeans so they're slightly more hugging around the hips but still have the looser leg that gives you freedom to knee slide around the room with little ones, should the mood take you.

Also please tell him from me: capri pants belong in the early naughties, along with badger highlights and All Saints (a few questions that I need to know...)

Didn’t know they were out?
I see loads of ladies waring them and they always look nice.
But I’ve never followed trends and only ware what looks good on me …

My personal shopper had worked doing this in Debenhams (yes, that dates us) and gone freelance. Which was great as we could go in any shop and she knew all the staff - and they knew big purchases might be coming.

She saved me money as although I had to pay for her, I actually wore all the clothes I bought instead of them sitting unloved in the back of the wardrobe.

Googling 'personal shopper near me' brings up several options. Or you can use the service at a big department store.