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Original poster

Amazing guy but the sex

200 replies

BrionyM · 09/03/2024 23:26

Seeing a man for a few months. Gradually fallen in love and he has many wonderful partnership qualities. We seemingly have strong chemistry, always kidding and touching and affectionate outside bed.

The first time we tried sex we had intercourse twice, lasted a few minutes each time before he went soft. He went down on me & fingered me but I didn't cum which bothered him.

So over the last of week he stopped masturbating before we met. This time we didn't attempt intercourse at all. Again he went down on me and it felt amazing but I didn't get there so he gave up after 5 mins.

We did some mutual masturbation and he's otherwise asked if I can 'be patient'. I adore him so want to give it time but sex is very important to me. How much time would you give to see if things improve?

OP posts:
WorkingLateAgain · 09/03/2024 23:33

How old is he?

Secondstart1001 · 09/03/2024 23:35

He needs to be patient too and follow his own advice and not give up until he makes you orgasm. It seems with him he doesn’t understand or want to engage in sex for too long… I’m not sure how this will pan out OP. Worse thing would be to fall in love, be hooked and have a very limited sex life. I have a high sex drive and this would kill me!

Original poster
BrionyM · 09/03/2024 23:39

@Secondstart1001 I think he's lost his sexual confidence. I am the first he's been with for a few years.

But yes, I agree on the patience front! I think he's taking it personally. The thing is that what he's doing is very good. After giving me oral he says 'I definitely need more practice' or berating himself.

I also have a high sex drive and I worry that this is a non starter. I haven't met anyone I could fall for in years until now.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrionyM · 09/03/2024 23:39

@WorkingLateAgain he's 30.

OP posts:
Secondstart1001 · 09/03/2024 23:42

@BrionyM maybe when he’s doing it you should tell him how good it feels and not to stop! That might work lol or just keep him in a headlock lol 😅😂

Rachel757677 · 09/03/2024 23:42

It is a tough one OP. How important is it for you to have good sex in a relationship?

If it is vital and things do not improve there may be a problem. However, for now it is a good idea for both of you to have patience and to work towards improvement.

I had a similar experience with my DP. I fell in love with him long before we had sex. When the time came it is safe to say that it was clear to me we would have a big problem, even after patience and effort from us both.

We discovered a way around it, but many do not.

YouDidntEvenAskIfSheWasThereMoriarty · 09/03/2024 23:43

I wouldn't want to go any further with it. Living with low level frustration all the time isn't fun.

I have had someone improve after several months, but even then it was always brief and stressful sex.

WorkingLateAgain · 09/03/2024 23:43

He’s only 30. Honestly, I wouldn’t waste much time on him. It might sound harsh but he likely has issues that won’t go away, and you’ll end up stuck being unhappy and reassuring him it’s fine when it’s not.

whiteboardking · 09/03/2024 23:45

Can you try tantric sex together?

BringMeSunshineAllDayLong · 09/03/2024 23:47

Do you use a vibrator? Worked wonders for me in a similar situation.

Elephantsareace · 09/03/2024 23:48

30 years old with ED and can't be bothered with you for more than 5 minutes? I spy a lifetime of shit sex.

Original poster
BrionyM · 09/03/2024 23:48

@Rachel757677 sex is important to me.

I have had one boyfriend previously that had premature ejaculation problems. It took up to a year to resolve and then it was fixed. But that's a totally different guy, so who knows.

Good things - he's been spending a lot of time getting to know my body otherwise. Very attentive to figuring out my whole body which is very sensual. But it needs to translate!

OP posts:
Original poster
BrionyM · 09/03/2024 23:51

@BringMeSunshineAllDayLong I use one by myself but haven't introduced it when he's around yet.

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MadamVastra · 09/03/2024 23:51

5 minutes?!?!

Original poster
BrionyM · 09/03/2024 23:55

He spent much longer going down on me last week @MadamVastra - I actually believe he does want to get me off but maybe expects it to happen too fast?

He says I'm more experienced as well, which is true, but getting stuck on that isn't helpful. Previous men mean nothing. This is about us

I'm not willing to stay too long but because everything else is good I don't want to just throw this away.

OP posts:
Inthetropics · 09/03/2024 23:59

5 minutes is not enought for most women. If you want this to work maybe just be very straight forward and tell him this or else it might become more and more frustrating...

Rachel757677 · 10/03/2024 00:01

BrionyM · 09/03/2024 23:48

@Rachel757677 sex is important to me.

I have had one boyfriend previously that had premature ejaculation problems. It took up to a year to resolve and then it was fixed. But that's a totally different guy, so who knows.

Good things - he's been spending a lot of time getting to know my body otherwise. Very attentive to figuring out my whole body which is very sensual. But it needs to translate!

One of the problems my DP had was chronic premature ejaculation. It is a problem he has always had. Still does...... Not the only problem though.

If we had had sex at the beginning I really don't think we would have progressed beyond that. Sex is very important to me, and sexually he was the opposite to what I would go for. However, by the time we did do it, it was too late. I loved him, my three year old son adored him, and he clearly loved us. There was no way I could have given up on us. We found our solution.

If he has ED problems can I ask how important penetrative sex is to you. To me it is vital, but some are not so fussed. Teach him to use his hands, his tongue and toys. Work on his ED. This all depends on how much you like him and if you are both willing to make the effort.

EcstaticMarmalade · 10/03/2024 00:01

Honestly, cut your losses now. It won’t get much better and one or other or both of you will get even more hurt down the line if you let it continue.

Original poster
BrionyM · 10/03/2024 00:11

@Rachel757677 penetrative sex is important to me. I also love oral.

To be honest he had a strong erection today while masturbating/blowjob, so we could have had sex. But I didn't hop on out of fear of pushing too hard when he had asked to slow down.

I don't feel ready to give up but I do know I can't stay if it doesn't improve. The question is - when do I just have to cut my losses?

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Josette77 · 10/03/2024 00:13

Cut your losses now.

5 minutes???
He might be a great guy but he is selfish in bed.

Sex is too important to settle for that. For me at least.

Bigpaintinglittlepainting · 10/03/2024 00:16

I would say giving a guy you like a few months more isn't wasted time, it's difficult to get into the grove of a relationship sometimes.

Sex can take a bit to get used to with a new partner, at this point I would give it another few months. There may be other things that end up splitting you up, but if you get on it's worth giving it a little longer.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/03/2024 00:18

He's only 30? Oh dear. I'm sorry to say but this rare ever improves. I would not be investing too much time on this. You may just have to face reality that you're not compatible.

SpringSprungALeak · 10/03/2024 00:21

@BrionyM

how old are you?

how well does he respond to a bit of communication from you?

Original poster
BrionyM · 10/03/2024 00:22

I think this is how I feel @Bigpaintinglittlepainting. With the previous guy with premature issues it did resolve and we had a great sex life by the end.

That might not be the case here. We might just be sexually incompatible.

But I think I would regret not trying with him, given everything else is so good. I wouldn't get stuck despite my feelings though - sex is too important to me.

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Original poster
BrionyM · 10/03/2024 00:23

@SpringSprungALeak I'm 32, he's 30.

In general he responds well to communication. He does say I need to be explicit about what I want and not just assume he knows.

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