Amazing guy but the sex

[BrionyM]

Seeing a man for a few months. Gradually fallen in love and he has many wonderful partnership qualities. We seemingly have strong chemistry, always kidding and touching and affectionate outside bed.

The first time we tried sex we had intercourse twice, lasted a few minutes each time before he went soft. He went down on me & fingered me but I didn't cum which bothered him.

So over the last of week he stopped masturbating before we met. This time we didn't attempt intercourse at all. Again he went down on me and it felt amazing but I didn't get there so he gave up after 5 mins.

We did some mutual masturbation and he's otherwise asked if I can 'be patient'. I adore him so want to give it time but sex is very important to me. How much time would you give to see if things improve?

I don't need to have personal experience of something happening to believe that it does. I've never been cheated on either that I'm aware of. I still believe the stories that people tell about it. I haven't entered peri-menopause yet either. I still believe the experiences.

Do you need to have personal experience of everything before you believe it? 😂😂What a strange way to go through life. Shows a serious lack of empathy if you have to have had personal experience of something in order to believe that it's happening to others. Weird

Trust me KKloo...... I am definitely not anti-sex. 🤣🤣🤣

You do if you want to convince me I should take you seriously that you have prescient knowledge of the strength legions of men are holding their dicks with.

There's evidence to support the existence of cheating. There's evidence to support the existence of the menopause/perimenopause.

Then there's you insisting that an entire generation of men are crushing their dicks beyond all usefulness when you've never actually seen it happen and have no actual evidence to support that conclusion.

'Trust me, bro' isn't sufficient, I'm afraid.

Yet you seem to have an issue when people mention an issue which means that partnered sex is ruined 😂😂
Loads of bedrooms all over the world get no action at all apart from the aggressive masturbating because the man can't stay hard for actual sex anymore and if anyone mentions death grip you say it's because they're anti porn 😂
You seem pretty anti-sex to me 😂😂😂😂

I've provided some info which you ignored and there is loads more if you were bothered to look. As I said, all the jigsaw pieces are there but you're either unwilling or incapable of putting it together.

It is the men themselves who describe the strength and grip they are holding their dicks with 😂😂Now personally I don't feel the need to observe them all and measure their grip strength. I'd rather just believe them, especially because women who have been with these men also back up the stories, and also because therapists and clinicians also back up the experience.

I don't think it's an entire generation of men who are crushing their dicks beyond all usefulness either.

I think that it's some men.

Many men don't crush their dicks beyond usefulness, even plenty of the porn watchers.

But some do.

'Some' could mean anything. 'Some' could be one in ten, or one in a hundred, or one in a thousand, or one in a million.

Unless you can show me that a significant number of men are experiencing this issue, then I can't accept 'some' men experiencing it as a justification for believing that this is rife throughout the whole of society.

You can call me lacking in empathy all you like. But while you're lacking in evidence to support your conclusion, I will remain sceptical that it's a significant enough problem to justify being posted over and over again on every single thread on the subject of sexual performance.

@YouDidntEvenAskIfSheWasThereMoriarty
The info from the university of California said that delayed ejaculation is reported in 3% of the population in literature with 37% of patients reporting with delayed ejaculation having a history of masturbating in a specific way!
37% is extremely high considering the other potential reasons for it, and in many of the threads we hear about on here it seems that some of the other potential causes are ruled out such as alcoholism, drug use, anti-depressants, pelvic injuries, diabetes etc. and they are otherwise healthy young men.

So that would be around 1 in 100 of the general population......so then if you break that down further into age groups the number would be higher in those groups. Online it seems to be most commonly reported in men in their 20s/30s and maybe early 40s.

Add to that the fact that it appears to be increasing and I'd say it's fairly prevalent.

eh?
I think I asked for evidence of this medical condition DG.
i don't understand your post.
Anyway back to the OP, I hope they resolve this situation - they sound quite invested - if medical intervention is required i hope it is good authoritative and embraced by all parties.

@Offwiththecircus Oh I know that you understand my post, and you’ve found your keyboard again, well done.

whoever you are/whatever your mission, please stop tagging/paging me.

This thread isn't even about delayed ejaculation 🤦‍♀️

And even if it was, those statistics are nowhere near high enough nor specific enough to justify posting about death grip on Every Single Thread.

Clearly you're not going to stop trying to persuade the entirety of MN that their partner has death grip though so this conversation is pointless. I can't work out what you're getting out of it, but I guess it takes all sorts.

I think we stopped talking about this thread a while ago 😂
But death grip is absolutely in that family of problems.

Delayed ejaculation (DE) describes a man's inability or persistent difficulty in achieving orgasm, despite typical sexual desire and sexual stimulation.

So you literally don't even know what you're talking about.

You don't think that more than 1 in 100 is high enough to justify posting it on every thread?

I wasn't even the one who brought up death grip btw, and don't think I ever have been the one to bring it up on the thread. I just responded to the person who said that it was a myth. If someone hadn't jumped in saying it was a myth then I wouldn't have said anything 😂

Yes my thread has definitely been hijacked! 🙈

Could've started your own thread guys...

Yes delayed ejaculation is a thing. But how many men have that purely through no other factors whatsoever apart from violent masturbation?

At this point, I don't care about your opinion. If you want to believe that significant numbers of men are breaking their dicks through violent masturbation, you have at it. It's really not my problem if you want to believe a load of shit.

Sorry, OP! Didn't mean to get carried away! 🌺🌺

The anti-porn man-hating mumsnutters do it on loads of threads OP.

Communicate what you want to your new man. If his penis isn't working, make damn sure he uses his hands, your toys, his mouth to get you off. Be encouraging, but forceful. If he stops before you're there, tell him to keep going.

My DP was very backwards in coming forwards regarding us having sex when we met. It confused me because I was sure he liked me, and when I eventually lost patience and asked him what was going on he explained that he did really like me but felt that he wasn't good in bed because of certain inadequacies (small penis and premature ejaculation) and that was why.

So I knew. The first time my DP and I were intimate with each other he ejaculated within seconds. I was unprepared for that. I told him I wanted to see how long he could last but after kissing and cuddling and caressing his penis was still soft. He was of course nervous So I thought that I would be able use my hand to get him hard, then give him oral and then he would penetrate me and that part would not last long.

We did not get to the penetration part, or the oral part either. He came while I was caressing him with my hand. He came while he was still soft. However, he did not get all embarrassed and sulky. He got straight to work with what he could use. He wanted to make the effort, he would ask if he was doing it right for me and he got me off. It was still a big problem for us going forward and in the end we agreed to find a way around the problem, but he was and still is willing to do the best he can. Find out if your new man is

Someone has some sort of weird death grip porn kink on here, thats for sure.

Thanks @Rachel757677

I do want to persevere for longer because he's wonderful in all other ways. On the phone last night he admitted to feeling 'ashamed' of not being able to cum for me and give me the sex I need.

Ashamed is a strong word to use and does make me think this is psychological.

I think now he is approaching the bedroom with fear and it's becoming a self perpetuating cycle. It's tough for me as well because I don't want to put pressure on him but a healthy sex life is high on my list.

Do you mind that much if he can have an orgasm during sex or is it just him not being able to have sex or last long enough? Personally, I've never minded if a guy couldn't finish as long as the sex had been otherwise satisfactory.

Would he try Viagra? If he can get past this mental block by using it for a bit, he might get out of this psychological trap.

And yes, I know what you mean about it making you nervous now. I've ended up too nervous to even put a hand down there before, in case I find a soft one and it's just awkward to know what to do once you're already touching it.

@YouDidntEvenAskIfSheWasThereMoriarty short term, I don't care. I just want to continue exploring and yes I want to be having intercourse.

Long term, maybe? But it's too soon to say it will be.

I don't think he's selfish as some PPs alluded. I think he's getting himself into a mental trap of thinking he can't please me.

I won't suggest Viagra yet but I will before long if it continues. He obviously wants to fix this and so do I but I've never experienced this before repeatedly.

He should have really have thought about it himself.

Although with mine, I didn't realise he was using it in the beginning and I ended up feeling quite cheated when it became obvious he was having significant problems.

It did improve over time with that one when we were more comfortable with each other. We didn't end up splitting over the sex because there were other problems. It was definitely less of an issue as time went on. But the sex was always too short.

I remember actually crying in frustration in the early days because he was finishing so fast. Over time I got used to it, but we never had one of those monster romps that I'm used to having in a new relationship and tbh, I don't think it helped me properly bond to him. Sex is very important to me too and being constantly let down and frustrated - especially when the bits we did manage were really good - almost ended up giving me a complex myself.

Personally, I've never minded if a guy couldn't finish as long as the sex had been otherwise satisfactory.

Same here. New man has apologised more than once that he can't cum inside me. I don't care - he can go on for ages, and I have lots of orgasms. I know he might want it cum I side me, but it doesn't bother me either way for myself. Men are very focussed on their own orgasms, and so they build up their importance. (We do finish him off manually - I'm not completely uncaring. 😉)

@EBearhug part of the issue is that I haven't finished him manually or orally. Usually I don't have a problem doing either with previous partners. So that's difficult for me.

He masturbated in front of me while I touched/kiss him last time but ultimately didn't orgasm. This makes me think it's psychological because he cums alone.

More shagging in general would cheer me up! He was clearly hard enough last time, I think he just worried he'd lose it. Next time I'm just going to hop on. 🙂

@YouDidntEvenAskIfSheWasThereMoriarty yeah I went through all this with previous partner with premature ejaculation. Lots of tears and struggles. I empathise. Resolved after a year.

But I was 20 then. I'm now early 30s and don't want to spend a year on this.