My boyfriend likes to be fuc*ked up the bum!

[liliboard]

So this is a long one.

And note, I'm deadly serious.

So me and my partner have been together for 11 years. His sex drive is waaaaay higher than mine. Which is cool. But my partner loves anal. And I don't mean my bum! He likes me to fuck him in the bum with, well, anything. Dildo, carrot, orange, my fist.
This all started within a year of our relationship. He admitted he liked some bum stuff and it's just evolved. At first I didn't mind and was interested in the new and exciting sex stuff we were doing. But as time has gone on I have hated it more and more. Dreaded it every time. It's like a chore. I really hate it. When he talks about wanting to 'suck my dick after I've fucked his arse' and 'i want your spunk up me' whilst we're in the moment just puts me off him completely. We've had countless arguments over it and I've just ended up basically saying 'i don't like it but I'll do it because you do'. But it's honestly making me find him less sexually attractive. And I feel it's completely ruining how I feel about him. We've talked loads about it and we even stopped doing it for a while which made me happy but him sad!! He says it's his way of release and takes away stress. And I get that. But no matter how hard I try, I cannot get away from feeling distant from him. I don't believe he is gay. We've got 2 kids together and are engaged (although yes , I know it can still happen) but I think he's maybe a little bit gay? Bi? I dunno.
Anyway. Any advice would be really appreciated and if anyone likes this stuff too , please, let me know!!!

This is the kind of anecdote that would have made Adam Kay's skimpy book a better read..

Fucaked. There is every chance, that cake is involved

Is that like Fucakke? Where a host of men cover your face with cake? I could be persuaded by that.

Thank you to some of you, you've been really understanding and helpful.
I think you're right in that we are not sexually compatible. I 100% agree. But i don't feel that sex is very important to me and breaking up because of it is a really scary thing to do. If he came to me outright and said hey I'm gay then yeah, I may just give him the elbow!!
Whenever we've spoken. About it before he's always been so embarrassed and I've felt sorry for him and just end up saying ok it's fine, I'll do it. I care about him a lot but i think I'll have another chat about it tomorrow. Just feel like it will end in the same way it always does.

The whole fisting thing and orange thing - yeah I don't get it either. Seems Totally painful to me but I know it happens elsewhere. He's not a freak, it's deffo a thing! And d'you know I think if it was all the physical stuff I wouldn't mind so much. But it's the talk he does with it. And I've told him I don't like him saying certain things and he's respected that and doesn't say them

So when you say orange do you mean like a satsuma or full on orange 🍊 like how the fuck does it not slip all the way in

I may just give him the elbow!!

He'd probably enjoy that.

I'm sorry lili, I couldn't resist that. A PP mentioned these things can be 'outsourced' as it were. A proper dominatrix would not allow herself to be touched or entered, she simply administers the object whilst he attends to his cock. Would this be an option?

Sorry that wasn’t in the least bit helpful to you op. I’d be concerned that if his sexual needs were not being met within your relationship what would he do over a longer period of time?

OP, there was at least one male poster in the sex section who was very much into this. It'd be good to have his POV.

I do not think this necessarily means he is gay, but the main point as other have said, is that you got to the point where you hate doing it, so this is not a way to live.

Hope you find a solution

LTB

So you've been doing this for ten years. Is there some of it you can stomach, but some not?

OP if you thought about him seeing someone as I previously suggested then you could have a very different relationship.Think of it as therapy if you like.Takes all the pressure off you and you can focus on a warmer more loving relationship with things being out in the open.Its not unheard of of people having very successful relationships when this happens.Its a quirk of his an urge that needs satisfying safely.Having his needs serviced would free you both up to focus on a better relationship together.

Interestedwoman some things are ok. I can put up with bit it's mainly the 'sex talk' that goes with it that I truly hate. Along side the actual physicality of it.

He must love the Santa/stocking prep on Christmas Eve.

it's making me pretty miserable in our relationship!

So that should be your bottom line OP.

Only you can change it. Cos he won't.

like how the fuck does it not slip all the way in

More like how does an orange go in. Surely even a satsuma would make the eyes water.

Santa stocking prep

I kinda know how you feel OP.
My ExP loved to watch fantasy movies. In the beginning I enjoyed them too but as time went on I got bored of them. Then I was annoyed. Then it did my head in every time he would suggest a movie.

I actually started to hate movies.

He's been my Ex for a while now, so I'm starting to like them again.

Ok

Sounds more like a big gay than a little gay to me. 😂😂😂

There is no way I would be doing this for ten years if I wasn’t in to it.

Gay, bi, whatever. Stop wondering why HE wants this and just stop doing it. The ongoing sex chat sounds vomit worthy and there is no way I would be acting this shit out for him.

It is actually sickening that he knows you don’t like/want this, yet he is still determined to include it in your sex life. Foul. I couldn’t look at him in the same way. It must be awful for your self esteem.

I'm not a troll

All da LOLz!

So to answer comments about where I am in all of this. He often wants to have sex with me. Will touch me and grab my bum and boobs when walking past and wants to do stuff to me...

It seems really sad and very telling that when you try to address where you are in all of this, you end up talking again about what he wants and what he does.

Are you possibly uninterested in sex because it’s all about him? Has he ever focused on your sexual desires and pleasure? It certainly doesn’t sound like he does currently. He seems to be dominating your sex life with his demands for niche stuff that you don’t want. And treating you like an object - very unlikely to turn you on.

Before you talk to him again about this, I would get really clear on what you want, how you want your sex life to be, and want your boundaries are. Otherwise, yes, the outcome will probably be the same as before.