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Original poster

My boyfriend likes to be fuc*ked up the bum!

289 replies

liliboard · 19/10/2019 23:49

So this is a long one.

And note, I'm deadly serious.

So me and my partner have been together for 11 years. His sex drive is waaaaay higher than mine. Which is cool. But my partner loves anal. And I don't mean my bum! He likes me to fuck him in the bum with, well, anything. Dildo, carrot, orange, my fist.
This all started within a year of our relationship. He admitted he liked some bum stuff and it's just evolved. At first I didn't mind and was interested in the new and exciting sex stuff we were doing. But as time has gone on I have hated it more and more. Dreaded it every time. It's like a chore. I really hate it. When he talks about wanting to 'suck my dick after I've fucked his arse' and 'i want your spunk up me' whilst we're in the moment just puts me off him completely. We've had countless arguments over it and I've just ended up basically saying 'i don't like it but I'll do it because you do'. But it's honestly making me find him less sexually attractive. And I feel it's completely ruining how I feel about him. We've talked loads about it and we even stopped doing it for a while which made me happy but him sad!! He says it's his way of release and takes away stress. And I get that. But no matter how hard I try, I cannot get away from feeling distant from him. I don't believe he is gay. We've got 2 kids together and are engaged (although yes , I know it can still happen) but I think he's maybe a little bit gay? Bi? I dunno.
Anyway. Any advice would be really appreciated and if anyone likes this stuff too , please, let me know!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
liliboard · 20/10/2019 00:14

Honestly, I'm absolutely not up for it. We do it usually twice a week and I dread it.
The reason I haven't 'packed my bags and run' is because aside from all that he is a decent man. He's kind, generous, a fantastic dad and a great cook! He's understanding and fair. It seems odd to leave someone because of what they like in bed. I've asked him countless times if he's gay and of course he's said no but he gets why I think that. He likes to be dominated and I guess this is a dominant thing. I dunno. I can understand why people think it's funny and make jokes which is why I've ever spoken to anyone about it. That and because it's embarrassing!

OP posts:
MustShowDH · 20/10/2019 00:15

I lost it at chocolate orange!!

Then you started about Rocky Road....

HairyDogsOfThigh · 20/10/2019 00:15

It's another one of those situations where you can apply the saying 'stop asking yourself why he does it, ask yourself, how long you are going to put up with it'. Whether he's gay or not, you have mismatched sex drives and you don't like doing the anal stuff with him. He knows this, but still puts pressure on you to do it. Probably best to split up, not easy, but in the long run, you'll probably be happier.

Also, on a practical note, how do you get the orange back out again?

InsertFunnyUsername · 20/10/2019 00:15

Also an Orange? Confused

Finchy19 · 20/10/2019 00:15

My ex was into cross dressing and wanted to explore that side of things. Did it once as I'm not the kind of person to make another feel bad about their kinks, but it wasn't for me. It was a huge factor in splitting, I wasn't into it, didn't want to make him feel bad about how he felt but knew I couldn't live and be happy with it.

It's a tough one, I fell out of love (He was also abusive, and generally a terrible human) but I never wanted him to feel bad about something he couldn't control.

If you can never accept and get on-board it will also eat away at you, No matter how much you love him.

Interestedwoman · 20/10/2019 00:16

A fair few men like that. I personally really don't mind it, but everyone's different. I wouldn't think it meant he was gay if the other posters hadn't mentioned it, but thinking about it the 'spunk up me' comment is a bit unusual as that's not something you personally can do, though as you say it could be pure fantasy/the heat of the moment.

Have you asked him if he's ever been interested in men? Most likely, he's at least not 100% gay, as he seems to enjoy sex with you.

Anyway, if you don't like this you need to put your foot down or you'll just get sick of sex with him. Tell him the things you really don't like and just don't do them anymore (I know it can be scary to do this, but it will actually help your relationship, as you won't go off him so much.)

Am pissed and just spotted the orange and fist thing properly- tbh it does make me wonder if this is for real. But men who like dildos etc do exist, so you never know.

QueefLatifah · 20/10/2019 00:16

You “dread” poking him with carrots but you do it anyway? Because he likes it.

Where are YOU in all of this??

cdtaylornats · 20/10/2019 00:17

Ask him if he would like a threesome, if yes with a man or woman. If he says man then GAY.

CallMeRachel · 20/10/2019 00:19

He says he doesn't imagine that it's an actual penis , but what else would he call it?

Umm an orange?🍊 Grin

I'm dying to know, do you peel them first or leave the skin on??!!

What does he do with all the carrots 🥕 after he's finished?? ...you say he likes cooking? Hmm

QueefLatifah · 20/10/2019 00:19

@cdtaylornats

Surely that depends. If he thinks he’s getting two women and a variety of veg/fruit/arse punches he may be happy either way.

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/10/2019 00:19

It sounds like the fantasy a lot of women have of being with another woman, but who would actually run a mile if it could happen. That in itself isnt the issue.

But the fact that it is making you dread your sex life is not ok. You need to come to a comproomise. Maybe once a month you do his fantasy but the rest of the time you have normal sex.

If he cant get off with you doing that then there is a big problem, bigger than the actual sex thing itself.

AdoraBell · 20/10/2019 00:20

I also think he might be gay or bi, do what pp suggested and suggest a threesome, see how he responds.

Original poster
liliboard · 20/10/2019 00:21

So to answer comments about where I am in all of this. He often wants to have sex with me. Will touch me and grab my bum and boobs when walking past and wants to do stuff to me (I'm just so frickin boring, I could go months without sex probably!! Ha!) But because of everything else he likes, it makes me not care that he wants to do stuff to me. I just shrug it off when he says stuff like that to me.

OP posts:
Crazyladee · 20/10/2019 00:21

@callmerachel

Lol!!! 😂😂😂😂

PumpityPumpPump · 20/10/2019 00:21

Blimey. An orange.

QueefLatifah · 20/10/2019 00:23

He just gets better doesn’t he. Walks past you and grabs at your boobs and arse on the way to the fruit bowl.

You deserve better.

Original poster
liliboard · 20/10/2019 00:23

Just to make you aware, I won't be answering any silly questions and am pretty upset with some of the comments.

OP posts:
taytosandwich · 20/10/2019 00:23

What a waste of a nice Jaffa orange.

ToodlesnOOdleSAR · 20/10/2019 00:24

It sounds like you are incompatible...

DinoSn0re · 20/10/2019 00:24

Well well well. Just when I thought MN couldn’t get any weirder, I find out that blokes like oranges shoved up their arse holes.

Pannalash · 20/10/2019 00:25

he’s a great cook 👨🏻‍🍳 I’d be giving the carrot 🥕 soup a miss Grin

QueefLatifah · 20/10/2019 00:26

I’ve x rayed someone once , who had an apple up their bum !

An apple a day, keeps the doctor.. oh wait

saraclara · 20/10/2019 00:27

Tell him about the dangers of fecal incontinence caused by repeatedly having large items stuck up one's bum.

crimsonlake · 20/10/2019 00:27

I would not be going near any man's bottom full stop.

MashedSpud · 20/10/2019 00:28

If this is true then the main thing is you don’t want certain sexual acts in your relationship but feel pressured because he gets sad.

No one should be engaging in sex they don’t want.

His comments make me believe he’s hiding his sexuality. I truly hope your kids don’t wake up to go to the loo and hear that.

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