My boyfriend likes to be fuc*ked up the bum!

[liliboard]

So this is a long one.

And note, I'm deadly serious.

So me and my partner have been together for 11 years. His sex drive is waaaaay higher than mine. Which is cool. But my partner loves anal. And I don't mean my bum! He likes me to fuck him in the bum with, well, anything. Dildo, carrot, orange, my fist.
This all started within a year of our relationship. He admitted he liked some bum stuff and it's just evolved. At first I didn't mind and was interested in the new and exciting sex stuff we were doing. But as time has gone on I have hated it more and more. Dreaded it every time. It's like a chore. I really hate it. When he talks about wanting to 'suck my dick after I've fucked his arse' and 'i want your spunk up me' whilst we're in the moment just puts me off him completely. We've had countless arguments over it and I've just ended up basically saying 'i don't like it but I'll do it because you do'. But it's honestly making me find him less sexually attractive. And I feel it's completely ruining how I feel about him. We've talked loads about it and we even stopped doing it for a while which made me happy but him sad!! He says it's his way of release and takes away stress. And I get that. But no matter how hard I try, I cannot get away from feeling distant from him. I don't believe he is gay. We've got 2 kids together and are engaged (although yes , I know it can still happen) but I think he's maybe a little bit gay? Bi? I dunno.
Anyway. Any advice would be really appreciated and if anyone likes this stuff too , please, let me know!!!

[Interestedwoman]

Ah ok- he says he likes to be dominated- that does make sense.

Don't suggest a threesome of any kind unless you want to do it.

Bi people or people who are slightly bi are a thing- fantasising about penis doesn't necessarily make someone 100% gay. If he seems to fancy you, he's probably not A Gay.

[tobedtoMNandfart]

Wake up & be honest with yourself. In your OP you said "you really hate it", now you're saying you just shrug it off?
Please notice literally no one has commented "oh yes, this is a thing."
WHY is your bar so fucking low? "At least he doesn't wee in my mouth"?! Seriously this cannot be real.
To be clear ramming large objects up his arse is not normal, it's violent.

If I were you I'd concentrate more on the fact you've got 2 kids with someone you're not married to and your relationship is possibly doomed. Call me old fashioned.

[saraclara]

Here you go. Put the frighteners up him...as it were.

medicalxpress.com/news/2016-02-anal-sex-linked-incontinence-males.html

[Bluerussian]

I know a lot of men like to have their prostate stimulated but not heard of a straight man actually wanting a penis-sized object up their bum. That seems bizarre. I could understand trying it but not wanting it all the time, it's weird.

Please don't do it any more, liliboard. You're not unreasonable to not want to and nobody has the right to insist that you do something you hate. Also the fact that he seems to want to be sexual with you, touching bum etc, all the time is very unpleasant.

In your place, I'd end the relationship. I know that isn't easy to do but I don't know how you're going to carry on with it as it is - and he isn't going to stop wanting this.

You'd probably be better friends living apart because the sex issue wouldn't arise.

Give it some serious thought.

[L0bstersLass]

Clearly he's gay.

[Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe]

You can always get out of it by paying OP...There are some fab dungeons all around the country where the mistresses will shove his own head up his arse for a fee! I would send him off to be fucked left right and centre by someone who was trained to do it.Then see where he stands on the issue! If he could stand that is....

[Jayaywhynot]

You had me at 🍊 I can even imagine how that works!

[Interestedwoman]

'grab my bum and boobs when walking past '

Noooooooooooo

[ViciousJackdaw]

On a serious note, it's actually really dangerous to insert anything without a flared base up the back passage. Things can and do disappear upwards and need specialist removal. He needs to stop with the fruit and veg.

However, that's the least of your problems really. If you could get the sex thing resolved, would you be happy to stay with him? Can you both reach a compromise where he, erm, sorts his own bum out whilst you perform a more traditional activity?

[Ginkypig]

No should ever have to do anything sexually they don't want to do.

It doesn't matter what this or any other thread is about that it is the simple advice.

[cherryblossomgin]

Does he have a job where he is in a position of authority? Maybe being in a submissive state is a kink for him. But you need to set your boundaries. What about finding him somethings he could do alone.

[WatcherintheRye]

I'm rather puzzled about which letter is being replaced by the asterisk in your thread title.

[CallMeRachel]

😂

[QueefLatifah]

I'm rather puzzled about which letter is being replaced by the asterisk in your thread title

My guess, in this instance, is A.

Fucaked. There is every chance, that cake is involved.

[DonKeyshot]

Try a bottle of Avon Moonwind as found way up the anus of an elderly male who fetched up in A&E was a bit tricky when his son asked what was wrong with him--.

[Aridane]

[OldAndWornOut]

Whether he is gay, bi, submissive or whatever doesn't matter.

You don't enjoy it, and it seems that for him, its something he loves.

It would repulse me, I have to say, so I would have to end it. (And I think that's also your view on it too, but you have to reconcile yourself to it)

[liliboard]

Cherryblossomgin yes he is high up in his job and that's why he likes to be dominated. I guess to not be the one in charge.

[TemporaryPermanent]

So this is about submission? Males total sense to me.

A lot of men who are into submission have as part of their fantasy life the idea of being fucked by a man. To them it seems to be the ultimate humiliation- ie it's extremely homophobic. I never worked out in my own case whether the guy I was with was in fact gay - it really did seem to be about being made to do stuff he didn't want to do. I wasnt with him long enough to work it out.

In a way, this stuff is irrelevant. What's happening is that your sex life is doing nothing for you. I totally get the feeling of being constantly pushed by a 'submissive' to do sexual acts you don't get much out of, to the point of it turning you off sex entirely. Does he tell you that you love it and that it is what you really want? I don't think that's uncommon.

You should not be 'dreading' sex. Thats the bottom line.

I'm not sure about the way forward for this. My short experience was of so much pushing for this that I just had to block the guy. But you have kids!

The fundamental truth is, you have a right to sexual boundaries. You can state them and stick to them. This might lead to the end of the relationship but you dont have to jump straight to that. Just focus on what YOU would like from sex, and that can include not wanting it at all. I admit that is likely to end the relationship but it's not an invalid desire.

[PointlessUsername]

I can not imagine a straight man asking to be cum in or saying they want to suck a penis.

I think he is very much gay.

[Funghi]

A carrot? An orange? Is he a turkey?

I know it’s not the point but why anything other than a dildo?

[Interestedwoman]

@BlueRussian
'not heard of a straight man actually wanting a penis-sized object up their bum.'

It's actually not uncommon. I suppose OP has a point that it's slightly about being dominated. I've not heard of anyone asking for oranges or fists though.

@tobedtoMNandfart 'Please notice literally no one has commented "oh yes, this is a thing."

It is a thing. Not heard about fists and oranges, but there are all sorts in this world.

OP- if you really don't like something, IMO don't do it again- ever. Not once a month just to give him a bit of what he likes- never. Of course it depends how much you hate it- but if you hate it 100% then no.

[LemonPrism]

Run. Sex should be fun, not traumatising.

[TheGirlWhoLived]

I don’t think he’s gay actually.... because nobody thinks that an orange is penis-like... I’ve seen no men, gay or otherwise, with an orange shaped penis. So I feel he is a fruitophile