Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sex

You need to have been registered for 7 days to post in the Sex forum. Please don’t send unwanted PMs to other users.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 11 12

Original poster

My boyfriend likes to be fuc*ked up the bum!

289 replies

liliboard · 19/10/2019 23:49

So this is a long one.

And note, I'm deadly serious.

So me and my partner have been together for 11 years. His sex drive is waaaaay higher than mine. Which is cool. But my partner loves anal. And I don't mean my bum! He likes me to fuck him in the bum with, well, anything. Dildo, carrot, orange, my fist.
This all started within a year of our relationship. He admitted he liked some bum stuff and it's just evolved. At first I didn't mind and was interested in the new and exciting sex stuff we were doing. But as time has gone on I have hated it more and more. Dreaded it every time. It's like a chore. I really hate it. When he talks about wanting to 'suck my dick after I've fucked his arse' and 'i want your spunk up me' whilst we're in the moment just puts me off him completely. We've had countless arguments over it and I've just ended up basically saying 'i don't like it but I'll do it because you do'. But it's honestly making me find him less sexually attractive. And I feel it's completely ruining how I feel about him. We've talked loads about it and we even stopped doing it for a while which made me happy but him sad!! He says it's his way of release and takes away stress. And I get that. But no matter how hard I try, I cannot get away from feeling distant from him. I don't believe he is gay. We've got 2 kids together and are engaged (although yes , I know it can still happen) but I think he's maybe a little bit gay? Bi? I dunno.
Anyway. Any advice would be really appreciated and if anyone likes this stuff too , please, let me know!!!

OP posts:

theemmadilemma · 20/10/2019 01:10

I can't even... an orange? [orange]

NomDeQwerty · 20/10/2019 01:13

I need to know how the orange gets out again.
(no squash jokes necessary)

Nutellalovesme · 20/10/2019 01:14

It's threads like this that make me really appreciate MN

Nutellalovesme · 20/10/2019 01:16

Freshly squeezed 🍊 with no bits............

Sorry.

readitandwept · 20/10/2019 01:17

I need to know how the orange gets out again.

He concentrates.

JaneJeffer · 20/10/2019 01:17

OMG "chocolate orange"

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 20/10/2019 01:19

He concentrates
Sorry but fucking hell

Contraceptionismyfriend · 20/10/2019 01:21

So pegging is a completely normal sexual act and does not make anyone gay.

I can't comment on the other objects but I really wouldn't advise him to continue those as it's medically dangerous.

However. The bottom line is you are not enjoying it. You are not compatible.
It doesn't make either of you wrong and neither of you should be ashamed of your wants. But you can't keep doing this.

MyDcAreMarvel · 20/10/2019 01:21

So the Rocky Road does that go up there as well or is it just foreplay?

Queenest · 20/10/2019 01:22

taking the pith

VenusTiger · 20/10/2019 01:22

@liliboard do you realise that it’s changing you? You’re not who you think you are when you’re engaging in this sex with him. Can he see you when you’re performing on him? The stimulation may be for some men, but the begging for spunk and an actual dick is DEFINITELY a sign he is fantasying about, well, spunk and dick!

You say he’s a lovely caring man and father. So go let him be one. Let him go OP, you’ll BOTH be happier when you can each have your life back. Surely you can split amicably?

1forAll74 · 20/10/2019 01:24

well,you said it was not a joke,and you wan't some compassion,but most people I think,will make odd ball comments about this kind of sexual behaviour.

I learn something new every day on here, but I do rather like to eat some fruit and veg most days, on a plate that is.

BadSun · 20/10/2019 01:28

Bottom line OP, is that if my partner said they didn't want to do a certain sex thing, that they hated it and it made them miserable, but they still wanted to do other things, I would just say fine. If I loved them, I wouldn't want them to be miserable and do things they hate. That's gross.

73kittycat73 · 20/10/2019 01:28

I swear, three times this advert has come up on this thread:
I Need A New Bum

Grandmi · 20/10/2019 01:31

Hi op . Just ignore all the’ jokey ‘ comments..they think they are being whitty but basically showing their ignorance!! Maybe try and have an honest chat with your partner about your concerns.X

FelixFelicis6 · 20/10/2019 01:37

He is gaaaaaay.

Mwnci123 · 20/10/2019 01:40

I'm sorry you've had so many unhelpful replies, OP. I think the speculation about his sexual orientation is a bit of a red herring really. If he wants sex with you then who else he might fancy isn't all that relevant, IMO. Also kinks are weird so who the fuck knows what it's about really.
I've had relationships with submissive men and it can get pretty tedious. I get the 'chore' thing you mentioned. You're really doing it a lot too. Is this the only kind of sex you have? Has he tried to work out what you like? Do you know what you like, and are you sure your lack of sexual interest isn't substantially because you've been twice-weekly doing some pretty involved shagging that isn't really for you? I agree with a PP that it sounds as though your sex life is all about him, and I think that's much more of a red flag than the particulars of what he's in to. If the relationship is as good as you feel it is, he should be just as concerned with pleasing you as you clearly have been with pleasing him. It sounds like the intensity of his stuff has sort of crowded out the potential for you to be yourself sexually, iykwim.

SucculentCandle · 20/10/2019 01:51

I need to know how the orange gets out again.

He concentrates.

Also at all there "bottom line" references.

readitandwept · 20/10/2019 01:51

I'm sorry OP.

It does sound horrible for you. I'd be telling him you're done with it. You've been more than accommodating. Nobody should do anything that makes them miserable when trying to be intimate with their partner.

vodkaredbullgirl · 20/10/2019 01:53

How the fuck do you get a fist or an orange up there. Are we talking a big orange, a satsuma or clementine lol

missnevermind · 20/10/2019 01:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 20/10/2019 02:04

Me too

Also any mention of concentrating

vodkaredbullgirl · 20/10/2019 02:10

Sorry not laugh as much in ages

Must finish my drink

Bottoms up.

Grapefruity · 20/10/2019 02:16

@Queenest taking the pith

Motoko · 20/10/2019 02:16

Men put all sorts of shit up there (no pun intended). There was a video going round a few years ago, of a guy inserting a glass jar. Well, the jar broke, and he was in serious trouble.

Anyway, OP, as others have said, he doesn't seem to care about you, your needs. Grabbing your breasts and bum when you walk past? You're just an object for him to use to get off on.

You say he's lovely, but he's not really, if he's acting all sad when he doesn't get what he wants. He's coercing you into having the sex that he wants. Coercive consent is not consent.

You need to leave him. I know it's hard, but you really need to, because this is abusive.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 11 12

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.