My boyfriend likes to be fuc*ked up the bum!

[liliboard]

So this is a long one.

And note, I'm deadly serious.

So me and my partner have been together for 11 years. His sex drive is waaaaay higher than mine. Which is cool. But my partner loves anal. And I don't mean my bum! He likes me to fuck him in the bum with, well, anything. Dildo, carrot, orange, my fist.
This all started within a year of our relationship. He admitted he liked some bum stuff and it's just evolved. At first I didn't mind and was interested in the new and exciting sex stuff we were doing. But as time has gone on I have hated it more and more. Dreaded it every time. It's like a chore. I really hate it. When he talks about wanting to 'suck my dick after I've fucked his arse' and 'i want your spunk up me' whilst we're in the moment just puts me off him completely. We've had countless arguments over it and I've just ended up basically saying 'i don't like it but I'll do it because you do'. But it's honestly making me find him less sexually attractive. And I feel it's completely ruining how I feel about him. We've talked loads about it and we even stopped doing it for a while which made me happy but him sad!! He says it's his way of release and takes away stress. And I get that. But no matter how hard I try, I cannot get away from feeling distant from him. I don't believe he is gay. We've got 2 kids together and are engaged (although yes , I know it can still happen) but I think he's maybe a little bit gay? Bi? I dunno.
Anyway. Any advice would be really appreciated and if anyone likes this stuff too , please, let me know!!!

[gamerchick]

Bloody bravo OP.

You know yourself the hard bit is up ahead and the choices you make from that. I do wish and hope things go smoothly for you. Good luck!

[Bluerussian]

I'm glad you had the conversation, lilliboard, let's hope he keeps to his side of the bargain. I'm half watching a programme about porn addiction at the moment, quite a serious documentary, not salacious in any way; it seems that porn causes people to go further and further because they see very unusual acts which make them curious to try them out - and so it goes on. A lot of it is so degrading.

I wonder if your husband got his ideas from porn. Just a thought.

[Derbee]

Well done OP. Only thing I would add is do not allow him to sulk and make you feel bad, so that you revert to doing that sexual stuff that you hate.

[Motoko]

Well done. Stick to your guns.

He also needs to stop the grabbing of your boobs and bum, when you walk past. He needs to learn about consent, and grabbing someone like that, is not getting consent.

I hope he doesn't try to manipulate you, and that you feel you should give it to him, as a "treat" for being so "good". No more now. Ever. Unless you really, really, want to.

Good luck.

[saraclara]

Liking this sort of stuff and needing it to the extent that he cries at the thought of not having it done to him any more, are very different things.

It sounds as though he could do with some sort of therapy. This seems like a lot more than just a sex preference.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I just know now I’m going to have a few very low days with him. He will be quiet and sad etc.
He’s really used to getting his own way, isn’t he? And likes and expects it. A big part of the reason he does it is manipulation to get you to comply. It’s always worked in the past.

It’s the part that I really hate.
Yes and he knows it. All you have to do is what he wants and all this will stop Ie treating you like a handmaiden.

Just keep looking at the long term. Putting up with his behaviour over the next couple of days is far better than doing sexual things you hate. And if he can’t get over it, as you say, there is always the next conversation. Well done for taking back control. Stay strong.

[WomensRightsAreContraversial]

If he's sulking I hope you have some glorious fun things you can get out of the house away from him to go and do to while away the time without behind in the presence of a gigantic man child. Time to go visit that friend you haven't seen in a while, see a film by yourself, go get you'e nails done for a change or go sit in Costa with a book for some me time. He can sulk and look after the kids at the same time

[kristallen]

Wow well done OP!! Great that you're sticking to your guns and I love that you didn't apologise in the discussion!!

I hope his sulking isn't intended as a punishment too. Definitely make sure you've got some nice things lined up over the next few days so he can't bring you down.

[AliciaQuays]

Jesus @1forAll74 read the fucking thread

[AloneLonelyLoner]

I rtft and was horrified.

I was with a gay man (didn't know) and he abused me sexually for years. He knew I was miserable, hated what he was doing but we'd have to do it anyway, either by force or he'd sulk. Proper full on curl up in bed sulk.

I look back and I want to stab him in the eye!!!

This man of yours, gay or not is irrelevant, has been making you do things you don't want, he knows this. He does. He always did. If you don't have someone enthusiastically participating then you are assaulting them or even raping them.

It's basic.

He's deplorable.

[Motoko]

@liliboard How are you doing?

[christmasstress]

Just read the thread and wanted to ask how things were going for you @liliboard?

[CloseToTheBone]

I don't think he is gay. Most gay men I know aren't interested in women sexually at all - so the grabbing bum and boobs makes that unlikely. He's bi, perhaps.

FWIW, I think it is more likely that he is aroused by the thought of his own humiliation and degradation. In certain all-male environments (gangs, prison etc) homosexual penetration is sometimes used, by 100% hetero men, as a way of showing dominance and maintaining the hierarchy. Imagining being penetrated by a big man instead of the woman who shares his bed may be just a way of getting a stronger stimulus. In other words, these fantasies are not necessarily a sign of being gay.

What it says to me is that he has a big psychological problem to do with self-esteem, control and power, and that this problem is incompatible with your happiness and dignity. The fantasies are not the problem; the fact that is prepared to bully you into sharing them when you are clearly reluctant IS a problem.

Can I just reiterate, speaking as a man, what others have said: that you should never be persuaded do things sexually that you are unhappy with? Exploring boundaries with a sympathetic partner is one thing; doing stuff you hate because your partner cries and sulks (passive bullying) when you don't is something completely different, and not acceptable in any normal relationship.

Wishing you well, and hoping you can stick to your guns.

[PeachesPlumsPears]

I was horrified when I read your original post and when you were teased. You are very brave. Stay strong.

[Peachslice]

Hi
I read this with interest. I’ve been dating a guy exclusively for 5 months now. We waited a month till we started having sex and now have it all the time, I’d had a dry spell for a good few years and now I’m literally wanting it all the time, he has high sex drive to match. Early on he played around with my bum a little bit and I then reciprocated with him. He’s expressed an interest in Pegging, which is becoming I read a growing sexual activity for some straight couples, it’s where the woman wears a strap on to shag the bloke.
We’ve so far messed around with a slim vibrator up his bum, and he likes it a lot, the prostrate is up there . And here’s my issue, it was kind of hot seeing him enjoy it but at the same time it’s causing a red flag. Where does it lead on to...we were very drunk whilst having sex the other night and he chose to stop having sex with me and ask me to use the vibrator on him (he’d given me a lot of oral sex at the start of the session). I’ve asked him a few times if he is bi curious, to which he says no, he plays rugby and says he thinks he wouldn’t have an issue if he was bi in terms of people knowing. Not sure what point is but I guess I hope he is being honest.

[Jane1978xx]

@Peachslice enjoying some anal
Play as part of a range of sexual activities does not make someone gay at all.

[xpc316e]

Peachslice well done for so far having the courage to be open-minded and help your partner explore anal and prostate stimulation.

There is an amazing website called Pegging Paradise. The woman who runs it, Ruby Ryder, is a veritable mine of decent information and she is a really wise woman when it comes to all aspects of sexuality. She does podcasts on pegging and the most useful is Number 112 which she created specifically for women whose men want to be anally stimulated. She talks about why this might be a need, whether he might be gay, or bi-sexual, and lots of other details. I recommend you sit down with your man and listen to it together.

Here is the address:
peggingparadise.com/?s=podcast+112

You may have to create an account in order to access the podcast.

Best wishes.

[lilgreen]

He’s gay.

[lilgreen]

The comments more than the acts. Though why someone wants to put anything up a poo hole is beyond me.

[xpc316e]

lilgreen, your opinions are obviously based on a lack of knowledge. Being gay is decided not by the sexual practices one finds pleasure in, but by the gender of the person whom one chooses to be with when having sex.

There are hordes of men out there who enjoy having some back door action, but only when done by their female partner - therefore they are heterosexual.

As for who would want to 'put anything up a poo hole', well the anus and rectum are very richly supplied with nerves and stimulation of them can be intensely pleasurable. Also a man's prostate gland can give him super-powerful orgasms when properly stimulated - men will often describe a prostate orgasm as being ten times better than a regular one achieved through penile stimulation. If you could have an orgasm that was 10 x better wouldn't you want some?

Just because anal play is not for you, don't think that everyone should be the same. Open your mind to the possibility that oranges are not the only fruit.

[lilgreen]

Still s poo hole. Yuck!

[Isohungy]

Are you ok OP?

[MissPepper8]

Still s poo hole. Yuck!

Jesus christ how old are you?! Grow up

Doesn't make him gay, some people have fantasies, he might be bi sexual and he might not ever want to act on it either! Just because he enjoys prostate stimulation and the act of anal sex does not make him gay. Totally close minded or what.

[SnakeRattleRoll]

Could you try pegging him, if you don't already? You can get some that have a bit that enters you as well to make it mutually enjoyable.