Can I ask how long an average sex session lasts for you?

[SookieandEric]

From start to finish: foreplay, sex, cuddle at the end?

I think I might have unrealistic expectations after ex. Have slept with three men since we split a year ago and was hoping the length of the sessions was one off unfortunates. However I'm not so sure now!

I'm chuckling at the criticism and implication if you don't go at it for at least an hour you don't get bonding time.
You don't have to "go at it for at least an hour" but it does take time to create real physical intimacy. Not everyone values that, for a variety of reasons.

I suspect that some of the women who want a quickie, really aren't getting very much from sex - even if they do orgasm. It's possible that it is far more about his pleasure and they just want to get it over and done with as quickly as possible because they find it boring.

I also think there's a vicious cycle that can happen in relationships where time is precious. She's exhausted from looking after kids and house and work, he's not helping much or is working long hours. So resentment starts to appear and she feels unsupported so she doesn't feel like giving him much sex. He then gets it over with whenever he can get away with it. She doesn't get so much pleasure from it any more so wants it even less. Even if she still orgasms, it's more like scratching an itch. Sex happens, it's kind of ok for both of them, but it's repetitive and fairly dull.

A long sex session does not mean that he is banging away for an hour. It doesn't mean that you get to the PIV bit and where you might want 5 minutes, he carries on for another half an hour. That really would get boring and I think we'd both get cramp!
There is a lot more you can do in an hour that doesn't involve any genital contact at all.

Absolutely agree need I suppose it's about whether you get physical intimacy in other ways. My ex and I were only ever affectionate during sex where as my dp and I are affectionate and intimate in loads of other ways outside of sex. So it's one small part of it. But we're a 20 -30 minute couple and that's great for us. Just feels there's almost a judgement on this thread that you can't possibly be really getting the intimacy you need unless you're spend my hours at it and that's just not true.

I suspect that some of the women who want a quickie, really aren't getting very much from sex - even if they do orgasm. It's possible that it is far more about his pleasure and they just want to get it over and done with as quickly as possible because they find it boring.

Nope. Couldn't be more wrong when it comes to me. I know you claim only some women, but it's a pretty insulting assumption that it's inevitably the case.

When I initiate sex (and it is usually me), it's because I'm already quite horny. Even 2-3 mins of kissing, stroking, manual stimulation, and I'm probably ready to cum. Sometimes foreplay lasts longer but rarely more than 10 mins and I usually have to stop DH's dexterous efforts to move onto PIV because I prefer to defer gratification a little and cum during PIV as I find it more intense that way. Around 5 mins or less of PIV and I cum, either before or together with DH. Altogether, we're talking 10-15 mins a session.

Sometimes we go for longer, but i don't particularly enjoy it any more than a 10-15 min session. A 30-40 min session will have peaks and troughs of intensity, and I do get a little bored during the troughs and sometimes find my orgasm(s) are not as intense as they might have been. A 10-15 min session pretty much guarantees uninterrupted, intense pleasure with a very satisfying orgasm at the end.

And I think DH and I have better physical and emotional intimacy with our sessions of intense focus than if we were trying to make things last longer. We tend to be physically affectionate anyway so it's not as though sex is the only time we touch.

So yeah... fuck how you want, but most of all don't assume that everybody else's body works the same as yours.

Too long.

Sorry not helpful, but sadly that's how I feel at the moment. About 20-25 mins I think.

I know you claim only some women, but it's a pretty insulting assumption that it's inevitably the case.
When I said "some women", I really did mean "SOME", not all.
And I include myself in my first marriage. I still wanted sex but he was fairly crap in bed and I didn't ever really fancy him so I just wanted to get it over and done with so I could sleep.

I know that I am not unique in experiencing that. I was chatting with a group of friends the other day, one said she really didn't care if she never had sex again though she doesn't mind it he wants to, another said she doesn't mind as long as it is 'hop on, hop off' so it's over quick, another went to any lengths possible to avoid it. There were 8 of us who all had different experiences but only 3 described satisfying sex lives (as in both partners happy with the quality and quantity)

Sorry to hear your first marriage was a bit crap for sex NeedsAnother, but there really were some pretty heavy-handed assumptions in your other posts.

Saying that: You don't have to "go at it for at least an hour" but it does take time to create real physical intimacy. Not everyone values that, for a variety of reasons.
is a bit holier-than-thou because it assumes (a) that long sex sessions are the only way to physical intimacy, and (b) that anyone who doesn't engage in such sessions therefore doesn't value physical intimacy.

Both big assumptions; both wrong for me and many people on this thread. Perhaps you didn't mean to sound smug and judgy.

nothing beats a long satisfying session where all that matters is getting lost in each other's pleasure.

For you, and that's super. It's great to have a great sex life. But don't extrapolate your experience of a bad relationship (or those of your friends) to other women because there's a very good chance you'll be wrong.

Personally a few quickies a week do me and I resent the implication that this means we are anything other than emotionally connected/ have physical intimacy. Been with DP for 19 years and I'm 37. He's my soul mate and we do what works. Don't judge. It's not becoming.

You don't have to "go at it for at least an hour" but it does take time to create real physical intimacy. Not everyone values that, for a variety of reasons

So maybe I'm now thinking that if it takes ages to feel bonded with your partner you must have relationship problems and feel pity for you? See how insulting assuming can be?

Don't assume what works for you is the only way!

Fucks sake, there are many more ways to connect with your partner than just during sex

DH and I have been successfully shagging for over 18 years and we still love doing it together, but we also enjoy physical and emotional intimacy that is not sexual.

Do what you like but don't criticise others for enjoying something different.

Is it wrong that I read this thread, started thinking about our sex life and called DP upstairs (I was 'resting' as 8mths pregnant)

Pre-kids we shagged like rabbits. A normal session was a good hour and we were late to a lot of things for the first 6mths

After about 2 yrs (and with me being pregnant for most of this year) together the sessions aren't quite so frequent or as passionate but I'm guessing that's to be expected when I've got a bowling ball in front of me

Ive come back to apologise for my last post, I was out of order.

Seriously though I'm just happy people are having sex. It's good for well being I think however long it takes.

I remember pregnant sex, it used to give him heebies when the baby kicked him half way through

Couple of hours with a woman....one and a half with a man...more with both together...but am counting everything except the cigarette ;)

This thread reminds me of the ones about whether it's better to be a younger or older first time mum.

5minutes - a couple of hours. It depends what it's for and how much energy/time we have.

It reminds me of the how often do you wash your towels threads

Because more sex is bad for the environment?

This thread helps explain why I get so many crappy married men contacting me on dating websites.

How?

Sorry, that was to Jenny. How does this thread explain why you get so many crappy married men contacting you on dating websites?

20-30 minutes.

At a guess.

I have teens and younger ones, I'm tired and when we actually get time and space to have sex I want to sleep so 20 minutes is ideal.

And FFS at Jenny

And yes, I can and mostly do orgasm 4 times in that 20 minute session.

It's an OCD thing, I don't do odd numbers so it has to be twice or four times

60-90 min. No change after more than a decade.

Dione: Because they all claim to be sexually unsatisfied, of course I give them their marching orders, just never really understood how they could think that when they were in a committed relationship. But 4 mins .... Ok I can kind of see why. Not suggesting this is gender specific btw, am sure there are plenty of sexually frustrated women who are covertly on dating sites too.