Daughter being excluded from prom

[user1471497170]

My daughter is year 11 and sits GCSEs next month. She has struggled throughout the whole of secondary school with friendships, MH/school anxiety, behaviour and approximately a year ago almost got sent to pru. She has never settled in school. However she has made significant improvement, not on any behaviour plan, is revising hard and should pass GCSEs and do her chosen subjects in college.

She has autism, anxiety and some physical health issues that are likely linked. Getting her into school is a struggle as she feels unhappy there but we make the effort and her attendance is good.

Although much improved her behaviour score is not high enough to meet the 90% prom threshold (reminders, uniform points and gokng to toilet when not permitted). She was informally told this week the final decision is that she will be excluded from prom.

Now all the girls have their tickets and she is beside herself. They are all making plans and talking about dresses and she now feels unable to continue going to school due to feeling so distressed about this. She is worried how she will cope with the sense of exclusion having to keep hearing about prom in school and assemblies

She's now at home. I have written to the school and submitted 2 complaints over the last 2 months however I have not received a satisfactory response. There has been no communication to me from the school about their decision or how they will support those excluded. Please can someone advise how I can escalate this further and if possible externally.

Okay so if they make an exception for your daughter, what about all the others?

Why not ask for a meeting, explain how demotivating this is for the outcome of her GCSEs and talk about how much her behaviour has improved from the low point of the PRU referral. The school will want her to do well in the exams, for their stats.

However, it is always made very clear from the beginning of the year, that attendance at prom is dependent on behaviour and attitude.

Yes, I’d be going down the disability discrimination route and asking to ‘speak to the HT before seeking legal advice on the matter’.

Because many of them might be due to her disability, therefore this would be discriminatory? HTH.

Yes, they can't really stop anyone else in that case.

No it may not, but her behaviour has affected her year group and her teachers for X months/years and they don’t want to take the risk on a special night for those who have behaved.

That is not a criticism of your daughter, it’s the facts.

I have been in your position. It’s awful.

So, you think the OP should take the school to court over this?

FFS Try reading. And comprehension. I said I would ask the HT and reference the fact I was considering taking legal advice [note the speak marks]. I’ve done this several times and HTs tend to U-turn when the involvement of a legal professional is mentioned as it makes them review and see the bigger picture.

They are being ableist and discriminating against a child who is being set up to fail their eligibility criteria because of her disability. They are acting in contravention to disability legislation. A solicitor’s letter may come in very useful. Not all legal interventions involve court, you know. This is not a crime drama.

No helpful advice as I’ve never been in your situation, but just wanted to add a comment to say what a terrible, unfair, discriminatory system your school are operating. Prom should be for everyone! It shouldn’t be used as reward or punishment. Detention or litter picking or whatever should be punishment for behaviour. Prom is a time for peers to celebrate the end of their time at school together. How truly awful of this school to isolate from that.
I hope you are able to appeal this but failing that, if you can afford it, is there anything she would love to do/anywhere she’d love to go, that you can plan for her as a substitute treat? At least she will have something to look forward to then.

The school would probably have a different account of the behaviour that has led to this than what you've written. I guess they have to try and keep a lid on behaviour somehow. It can't be easy trying to manage a thousand teenagers in one building. We can all criticise, but we probably couldn't do any better

What they’re is ilegal. Under the equality act of 2010. Get all of your facts together and ask for a meeting with the headteacher to discuss it - tell the head that this is a formal conplaint. Then if they don’t allow her to go to the prom
then follow the schools complaints procedure and consider legal action.

I did all this for my child.

They would not change the decision.

@user1471497170 woukd be interesting to know what area you are in, in case the same!

Ok. Calm down.
It was just a question. You are being very riled so I'm going to step away, as I would prefer a more reasoned and nuanced discussion.
OP, good luck with your DD, especially with her exams 🌸

Not riled in the least.

I agree, if autism is a protected characteristic in the work place why should an educational setting be exempt ?

God there’s some right sanctimonious dicks on this post.

What matters here is the detrimental effect this excluding from the Prom is having upon a vulnerable teen at a challenging time of her life. GCSEs are difficult enough, without adding neurodiversity and being excluded from your peer group in to the mix.

OP, I would request a meeting with the Pastoral Head at school. Ask them how they plan to support your daughter through this, make sure you tell them that your daughter’s wellbeing has been effected by their decision as she now feels left out and isolated from her peer group.

Appalling treatment of your DD. She should be being applauded for her achievements in her own right. She has made massive steps forwards in the last year, nevermind getting through secondary school.
Contact chair of governors.
What reasonable adjustments have been made to support her.
Is the prom before or after 30th June, as this changes the advice/legality of excluding her from this event.

Yes, it can depend on the HT. I would also pop a quick call/email in to my MP’s office and ask what their thoughts are on eligibility criteria which effectively excludes children with disabilities (mine was very helpful in such matters, useless as a govt minister but a great constituency MP).

I would also contact IPSEA @user1471497170 who advocate for children with NDs as they would likely argue that the criteria for ND children should have accommodations that recognise their AuDHD etc. You can call their helpline and they can advise you if they feel you have a case to argue?

I can imagine that over the course of her time at the school she will have taken up so much valuable teaching time dealing with her crappy behaviour that could have been so much better spent on educating the kids.

The complaints were about this prom policy which I feel discriminates against those with additional needs

So why didn't you advocate for your daughter (and others) and raise those concerns at any point over the last year?

Instead you sat back and assumed it was an empty threat, or that they'd make an exception. You're only complaining now because you were wrong.

I’d escalate to governors.

I'm a firm believer in supporting the school etc but unless the dc is bringing in knives and setting fires, prom shouldn’t be taken away. Doing this straight before exams is so damaging. I hate this approach. If your dd can’t go I’d book something amazing that night - weekend away, theatre trip or whatever she’d enjoy and just say “fuck ‘em, I’m your mum and I know you’re awesome”

Are you legally qualified?

Let’s hope you can both learn from this and move forward.

You said her behaviour score is less than 90% because of "reminders, uniform points and gokng to toilet when not permitted". Are these all directly because of her autism? (and what are "reminders" and why do they lead to some sort of behaviour point - do you mean reminders as in she has to be spoken to several times before she'll follow an instruction?)

Ah, so rewarding bad behaviour.