Daughter being excluded from prom

[user1471497170]

My daughter is year 11 and sits GCSEs next month. She has struggled throughout the whole of secondary school with friendships, MH/school anxiety, behaviour and approximately a year ago almost got sent to pru. She has never settled in school. However she has made significant improvement, not on any behaviour plan, is revising hard and should pass GCSEs and do her chosen subjects in college.

She has autism, anxiety and some physical health issues that are likely linked. Getting her into school is a struggle as she feels unhappy there but we make the effort and her attendance is good.

Although much improved her behaviour score is not high enough to meet the 90% prom threshold (reminders, uniform points and gokng to toilet when not permitted). She was informally told this week the final decision is that she will be excluded from prom.

Now all the girls have their tickets and she is beside herself. They are all making plans and talking about dresses and she now feels unable to continue going to school due to feeling so distressed about this. She is worried how she will cope with the sense of exclusion having to keep hearing about prom in school and assemblies

She's now at home. I have written to the school and submitted 2 complaints over the last 2 months however I have not received a satisfactory response. There has been no communication to me from the school about their decision or how they will support those excluded. Please can someone advise how I can escalate this further and if possible externally.

Are you actually suggesting that people with autism are generally badly behaved and have poor attendance? Because I can assure you that's incorrect.

The school don't think so though, and they unlike you have witnessed her behaviour.

Imagine penalties for being missing history class when history class is upstairs classroom and the lift is broken. Anyone missing will face the consequences of missing class.

Can you not recognise that a child who is able to walk upstairs V a child unable because they are in a wheelchair and can't walk are not both missing class for the same reason. Can you not recognise that it is not fair to punish both in the instance?

I would speak to the SENDCO and ask why the school is discriminating against your DD, whose disabilities are more than covered by the Equality Act 2010. Her EHCP or other plan should have been addressing these issues and .making reasonable adjustments to the schools rules/expectations for her, at least since the PRU episode.

I know.

there is no evidence that either has happened. In fact, OP would surely have complained & took advice when her child was sent to the PRU if it was due to her disability?

so why start saying its that now when actually the child has made improvements. So it can’t all be disability related as there wouldn’t really have been improvements. OP hasn’t actually said if they made accommodation's last year or even if they were required

It’s too late to close the stable door once the horse has bolted

I have dealt with this as a teacher.
Does you DD have an EHCP? If she does and it mentions behaviour as part of it then she should be able to go otherwise it is discriminatory.
I think the biggest issue is 'going to the toilet without permission' which translates to walks out of class and wanders around the school, which is a massive safeguarding issue and continues to be so at the Prom where the students will be in a public venue and will be around non-school people. They need to be able to ensure the safety of all students.

I'm sorry for the situation.

But I think the school position was very clear before this decision was made and that ND issues don't in themselves lead to breaking of these rules. If you felt they were, then the time to raise an issue was when she was being penalised with behaviour points, not now.

It doesn't sound like her behaviour has been consistently good if she was previously referred to a PRU and disability or not, her behaviour has, presumably at times, had impacts on staff and on other kids. I'm not sure what "reminders" are but she sounds generally unpredictable and not a rule follower I'm afraid.

I have a disability and I think at times we are doing our kids a bit of a disservice. If the school haven't been supportive of your kid's abilities, then the time to kick up a fuss about it is when it comes to how she's supported in learning, not attendance at a prom.

I'm not clear why this means she's now at home either. Are you permitting her not to attend school due to all of this?

Ultimately her next step is college, who will have a prom as well at the end. It will be a fresh start for her. But she also needs to start learning some life lessons at this age, hard as that is, that "improvement" is not always enough. That thresholds will be expected and that will be no different in her college.

Your job here, IMO is not to fight this but to help her understand how her own behaviours have contributed to where she's got to. Or, if you feel that the behaviour score has been impacted by her disabilities, then your own failings in not establishing reasonable adjustments so they are not impacting the perception of her behaviour. Learn from it before college if that's the case, or she'll continue to struggle.

Her actions are clearly beyond her control. The school are totally unreasonable.

I'm also unsure what changed and when parents stopped supporting teachers? Feels like every parent nowadays has a golden child who would do no wrong even though it's patently obvious the opposite is true.

You friend has my sympathies, neighbours kid was pulled on everything, even when not true. Then she was blamed for a huge thing, mum called in etc and when mum asked to see CCTV, it showed her not to be at fault at all. The teacher still insisted on a written apology from the child, the child said no and she's the one who should get an apology. Can't fault the kids logic but she was then suspended for answering back. What does this teach children? Nothing but frustration.

OP, am sorry for your daughter. These are silly rules to stop her going to prom on and she should've had her effort and improvement recognised not punished. If she doesn't go, I hope you can plan a really lovely night for her together instead to reward her yourself.

How do you know that? From a very one sided post?

Armchair expert I suspect.😂

I’d be fascinated to hear the school’s version of events.

The term ‘prom’ comes from America, yes, but the concept isn’t new. When I finished sixth form in 1983 we had a dinner/dance to celebrate. I think they’ve become common at Y11 because more schools don’t have a sixth form and there are more routes for post 16 so not everyone stays until the end of sixth form. They aren’t an appalling idea anyway.

I cannot say what this makes me think of the system. She needs a reward for surviving it at all.

It’s not 90% attendance. It’s about behaviour points.

Thats not the same scenario & you know it.

you are all making assumptions.

the fact that the OP is only complaining now & not every time their was a behavioural issue or moved to the PRU suggests its not a disability issue or she would surely have complained and raised it before

the OP also didn’t state that the behaviours were as a result of her disability. Child has also made improvements since moving to PRU Which again suggests they made accomodations that helped her where needed or she improved because it wasn’t her disability.

Correct.

But OP has clarified that the behaviour that lead to that referral was 18 months ago.

If there’s been a marked improvement in engagement and behaviour, I don’t think it’s right to hold a teenager to account for decisions they made 18 months ago, ND or not.

If there’s not been, they should have excluded her by now, and she wouldn’t be there to go to prom.

Sounds to me like she’s put the effort in to be better, not perfect - but better. Her reward for that is missing out anyway.

I think it would be difficult for the school to allow some children who don't behave well to attend the prom but other children to be barred from attending. But if you think your daughter has been treated unfairly then by all means complain

But behaviour has improved since then. So improvement needs to be beneficial when school is hard for a dc. Seeing their efforts be for nothing is damaging.

Send in formal complaint citing that this method of selection is blatant disability discrimination. Any method of selection criteria for events such as this which disproportionately affects disabled pupils compared to non disabled pupils is a breach of the equalities act as its disability discrimination. In this instance your daughter's disability has meant she has had a higher number of absences due to her disability so therefore the schools action are direct disability discrimination. Check who oversees education for the area and cc them in to. Tell the school you will be taking further action via the appropriate channels (and list them) and they should back down.

Op if the school has governors go to them now they can get involved if necessary.

Hi OP I was also excluded from prom (not like your DD, I was a little shit). My dad made me a deal that if I behaved (he set out goals and rules) then I could have the house for the weekend and invite my mates for a party. We could all wear our dresses, and he would get us a photographer (a student from the local collage, but still did great).

Not sure if this would work for you, and I don’t recommend you let your DD have the house for the weekend - but maybe something similar would work? Schools don’t tend to go back on these sorts of decisions unfortunately, even though it’s unfair in your DDs case.

Can I just ask whether you are sure that her ND hasn’t been taken into consideration at the point of awarding (or not) behaviour points? Would a NT student have the same score as her? Or worse?