High-achieving ds feels teachers have turned against him in Y13

[stripycats]

This is a bit of a weird one and I'm not sure how best to handle it. DS is a high achieving very driven student in an average comp. He's head boy, only one to get all 9s at GCSE, is predicted 3 A stars, got that in his mocks and has an Oxbridge offer. I'm not bragging but obviously this is relevant to the post. He absolutely loves school and his teachers and parents' evenings are always glowing - as much in terms of his attitude as his achievements. He is always being praised for his contributions to discussions (does hums/arts subjects) and his questions as well as the way he asks for and responds to feedback. It has never so much as been hinted at that he is arrogant and I really don't think he is. He has a wide range of friends and helps out at revision sessions for younger pupils, open evenings etc.

Lately he has been commenting that in one subject he is being marked down by teachers and disagreed with in class, he feels, for the sake of it. To give an example, essays are marked out of 25 and he has scored between 22-25 throughout the course, usually only dropping a mark or two for the last year. However, now he is getting 21 or 22 most of the time and it's knocking his confidence. As the final exams approach it seems he is getting slightly worse which is worrying him. This is the subject he is doing for a degree as well. He also feels the teachers are disagreeing with him a lot in class and feels like he is being 'put in his place' so to speak, and he finds it hurtful, especially for it to start quite suddenly at this point.

I am trying to put it in perspective for him and saying they just expect so much from him and want to be sure they have done everything they can to help him meet his offer (he doesn't actually need A stars, but he'll feel a failure if he doesn't get them, especially in this subject) and that could be why they seem 'picky'. The discussion-based stuff could just be a perception, which I have said to him. I realise this probably sounds ridiculous but it's getting to him and it's not nice to see. He has loved school but puts so much pressure on himself and now he's not sure what's going on. What, if anything, should I do?

OP mentioned impatience in her 4th post.

Body language isn't a perception. Everyone displays body language. Arrogance is an emotional which has a high impact on body language and non vernal communication.

Why would this impact this marks?

There may not even be a correlation, however, if he does have an inflated sense of importance his ability to accurately access his own marks may be distorted.
It may be a case that the work is indeed harder, he have have peaked, his effort isn't consistent.

Or it may be the teachers pulled up on it and trying to also teach him some humility and softer skills. (I don't actually agree with that method).

Support him to accept the grade and be resilient enough to take the feedback on board and improve. He will get much lower grades at university and will be bottom of the class at least once. The teachers are trying to support this transition.

Teaching staff are bitchier about students than parents would ever imagine
you must have taught I; some shit schools @twilightermummy I had a 35 year career in 2 countries and many different schools and I didn’t encounter this once. Every teacher I’ve ever known is excited to teach children bright and committed enough to challenge them in A level discussion. It wouldn’t even make sense - teachers are questioned and judged on results. Why would you try to bring someone down?

What an odd way to treat him, all of a sudden and with no warning or explanation to him or you 🫤 You could ask the head of subject if there's anything wrong with his work, or they've seen any changes in him, or if they're preparing him for the Oxbridge pressure? I think that's a perfectly reasonable thing to ask. Good luck and please report back!

We sent our children from regular state primary education (where they were stars in all respects despite competition)to an academic & sports & arts orientated private school where the entrance exams where tough. Needless to say they still did exceptionally well although I was thankful I'd prepared them from no longer being top dog & there woud always be someone with better marks etc depending on the subject,activity etc. It served them well. As adults now it still does.

But if you go with an organisation like MarkMyPapers then the examiners grading the essays have no idea what the teachers thought of them to begin with - so maybe that's a better option.

Body language isn't a perception. Everyone displays body language. Arrogance is an emotional which has a high impact on body language and non vernal communication.

Interpretation then, how people interpret body language.

He knew “as much if not more” than teachers with a degree in the subject? 🧐

If this is trying to prepare him for a supervision at uni, this is certainly not the time. Also probably being done by someone who doesn't actually have experience of an Oxbridge supervision. Funnily enough Oxbridge colleges have more than enough experience of moulding eager 18 year olds, they'll do a better job.
The only thing now is head down and concentrate on the exams and not knock confidence.
Personally I'd speak to the head of sixth form, whatever the reasons for the staff members behaviour this is the effect it's having. It needs to stop. if it's benign they probably don't realise it's having a negative effect, if it's malicious it's totally unacceptable. If there is a genuine concern with his performance they should have raised it. On a practical note it's only a few weeks until study leave starts.
I would talk to the head of sixth form as a) they're in a position to do something and b)they might have insight as to what's going on.
I hope he gets the grades he wants, focus on uni and having a fantastic time. It will happen.
Good luck!

The threshold is not high to get a PGCE. The quality of the degree (class and institution) is often a little suspect, and often teachers are not teaching the subject they have a degree in. A massive problem. A french teacher should not be teaching biology at GCSE level, for example.

If you are a bright student it's not difficult to be better informed than a significant number of teachers.
I am not knocking teachers, there are some brilliant, very bright ones. But not all. I know many that quite frankly scare me with their lack of subject knowledge. The requirements have been getting steadily lower with the continuing problem to recruit. This has been over decades. The reality is that unless this really is your vocation (which there are some amazing teachers) if you have a decent degree from a decent university you have more options and you don't choose education.

What nobody seems to be acknowledging is that we don't know what is happening in the classroom with this boy, we only know what he perceives to be happening (a sense of triumph from the teachers, gushing over other pupils' etc). Other than the marks, this is all subjective. And lower marks is fairly standard way of making sure pupils are pushing hard in the final furlong.

Surely the chances are that nothing particularly unusual is happening in the classroom, isn't it more likely that he's anxious about A levels and projecting that unease? And it sounds as if the OP rather than exploring this is taking it as read that he's being victimised.

That said, DD went into a tailspin as she got a relatively low grade in her history January mock due to one bad essay. I looked at it and couldn't see why it had got a low grade so showed it to a friend who was an examiner for that board - she said that categorically it was a 20/25 rather than a 15/25. History can be pretty subjective which is why schools are reluctant to suggest that pupils are nailed-on A stars.

I'd also work in his idea that if he gets less than three a stars, he's 'failed' - two kids I know this year did not get A stars in English and history despite having places to study these very subjects at Oxford. I'm sure they're more than capable of doing well there and they got A stars in other subjects.

Sorry another thing. I think the important thing to teach children, especially ones (like my DD) is to control what they can control. Don't indulge your son in all this speculation, tell him he can't control either people's responses to him only his own to them. And the most important thing he can control at this point of his education is his A level preparation.

The reason the French teacher is teaching biology is in part because of the shit attitude many parents have towards the people educating their children, so there is no one to teach biology. Who wants to put up with this crap all the time from parents?

I don't know of a single French teacher who teaches biology. That's a pretty silly example. Especially since French teachers are a rarity.

Besides which, history isn't a shortage subject. Teaching remains one of the most targeted careers for history grads so it is more likely history teachers will have degrees in their subject and more likely good degrees from a MN approved university.

I may teach students who are very clever indeed but what they don't have is a degree (yet), or 30 years of accumulated classroom experience, marking , moderating or the accumulation of subject knowledge. I know way way more about my subject now than I did when I graduated. Teaching really is one of those lifelong learning careers.

I also wouldn't myself be unduly surprised if the teachers who (perhaps insensitively) challenge able students in lessons and who mark using phrases like 'no!' and 'not quite' are the most academically educated.

Not all teachers have a degree in their subject.
I’ve known a PE teacher teach GCSE English.

I don't know of a single French teacher who teaches biology. That's a pretty silly example. Especially since French teachers are a rarity.

A friend of mine’s DD is currently being taught Chemistry A level at a GDST school by a teacher of Chinese. They ran out of Chemistry teachers apparently..

If I were advising him I’d suggest he approaches them portraying ‘humility’ saying he’s worried he’s going down a bit and asks how he can improve if it’s not obvious from their remarks. If they aren’t approachable/ receptive, that tells its own story and you can remind him that not everyone will like him or be prepared to help, even if they ought to. That’s life. All he can do is his best and not be derailed by others.

So much supposition on this thread. The Mum doesn’t know exactly what’s going on in the class, never mind the rest of us.

Too many jump to conclusions about dreadful bit or dreadful teacher.

In the end, the only way for the boy to find out more about his marks and how to boost them is for him to ask. Doing it before the Easter hols seems a good idea.

As an earlier poster said, often teen perceptions of what’s going on or that someone has ‘taken against them’ are common. It isn’t that they never have grounds, but often don’t.

This is an 18 year old bright lad. He’s been disappointed by a couple of marks being 2 marks below other marks. He needs to ask for some tips. That’s it!
No-one knows the background or teacher intentions or quality of teacher or the boy. We do know that asking will provide some clarification. Feeling annoyed and not engaging with the teacher won’t help.

Simples.

I agree with those who say that it's a good way to show resilience and learn not to sweat the small stuff. He should keep focusing on his revision and his grades and just shrug off teachers alleged changed attitudes. It won't be the teachers who will be marking his exams so it's irrelevant if they changed their attitudes towards him or not - especially because there isn't anything concrete or inappropriate he reports about their behaviour.

I suspect there's more going on with his attitude in the classroom than your son might be aware of or cares to admit. I strongly suspect that his frustration with other students will probably be visible in some form to others.

Good time to learn to keep your eyes on the prize and maybe accept with some humility that you might occasionally rub people up the wrong way with perfect marks and perfect attitude. The 'my son can not possibly have done anything wrong to deserve this' attitude might not help to learn self-reflection.

I was the high flyer at school. I disagreed with my teachers, they disagreed with me. This was even in Maths where things are more cut and dry. (I later got a PhD - note I am starting Zoom tuition soon if anyone is interested).

They were not offended by me, I was not offended by them. I think it was happier times in general compared with today where only one view appears to be accepted. You learned more by being able to defend your position.

So as others have said, make sure his mindset is right, use this to improve his confidence, and tell him do not be afraid or hurt by naysayers, see this as an opportunity for accelerated self improvement.

Speak to the school about it. As the teacher knows his background they are probably treating him unfairly as a result. Maybe in the belief they are helping him.

Take it over their heads and talk to the school about them.

One of the advantages of Oxbridge is you produce lots of work that doesn't count towards your degree results. There is space to get it wrong without it having any more of an impact than needing to take extra time to revise that area before the exams that do count (decide you're not going to do a question on that area at all and focus elsewhere).

He may want to use the marks to help him tailor his revision timetable. He needs to understand the concept of 'good enough' / the dangers of perfectionism. The essay you don't write is a much bigger problem than one that's wrong in places or even one that gets someone major wrong. I left Oxford in 2002. In my day all night essay crises were a thing that happened to most of us most weeks. I don't know if the culture has moved on but it's very easy to fall into.

Teachers being weird with him - maybe time for him to learn that teaches are human too and have off days. We're nearly at the end of a long term and that makes everybody a bit grumpy. It's maybe not about him even though it's being directed at him.

Some teachers and students simply do not gel. It is a fact. Their grading might not be fair, but unless it is someone whose grades will make the difference between going to a certain university or not, I'd tell your DS your opinions, that it is a subjective area, and to accept it for what it is. If you are particularly worried about their confidence due to this teacher, get a tutor to back up your son at home.

I knew a child who was a native and fluent in a language who moved to a new country and took that language as an elective. They got horrible results as the teacher didn't like that the student knew better and marked them incredibly harshly for using the "real" language vs what they had been textbook taught. It does happen, and it isn't always a case of the teacher is right.

Hey maybe he needs to realise that nobody is perfect. Even him.