Sorry to ask but how are people affording private education?

[Tsc2011]

My child is in year 4 and so we’re having to start considering secondary schools. We have two good grammars in the area but the state schools available are woeful. The Grammars are very competitive to get in to. I went to one and tutoring for the 11+ was rare but now seems to be the norm, often starting in year 4. My children are both exceeding expectations in all areas at school but my eldest can get very anxious (but we think she would be cannon fodder in the local state schools) and I worry about how she will manage with the test and perceived pressure (note, I’m a principal scientist with a PhD and I struggled with some of the 11+ practice questions I looked at the other day!!). Some parents at my child’s school are opting for the local private school and I’m a bit flummoxed about how people are affording this. We don’t live in a particularly affluent area, one family have 3 in private school and run a very small business.
For disclosure we have a combined income of £130k, fees would amount to £2k/month, increasing to £3k as they got older (more of VAT is introduced). We currently save £1.7k a month in to savings but some of that then gets spent on holidays, home improvements etc so it’s not feasible at the moment to send both.

We’re wondering whether to try for the grammars and if one doesn’t get in we send one to private and if both don’t then we move.

Grandparents, investments, cutting back in other things like holidays and cars?

Some people earn more money than others.

Well we have a similar combined income to you and we manage to send both ours privately at similar costs.
What are you spending all your money on now? Can you change any of that? In the end it comes down to priorities. For us the girls education was a priority. We would do without many other things in order for them to stay in their school.
We have no help from anywhere by the way.

People afford it from higher incomes, inheritance, grandparents assisting with fees (our dc grandmother paid a term each year but that was for primary several years ago - we were definitely the poorest people there). Dc then got into a grammar - still needed tutoring too. Others receive bursaries or scholarships which part pay some or all of the fees. Could your dd try for a scholarship? I don't think they're worth as much these days but it all helps.

Why don't you consider moving to a good, non grammar school area now so you don't have to worry about it? If that isn't possible then tutor and hope for the best.

Your outgoings are obviously pretty high (mortgage?) - one option would be to downsize to reduce housing and other costs.

I lived in a grammar area so moved as my kids were unlikely to get a spot. No regrets about that choice and they got good grades/qualifications in a comprehensive school.

@Smartiepants79 that’s interesting. I wouldn’t say we have an extravagant lifestyle at all really (it feels quite frugal at times). One holiday abroad a year (~£4k), one car. Our house (newly renovated when we bought it) has taken up a lot of our spending for the last 4 years (around £30k) after finding issues but we’re almost at an end with that and plan to sell. Even if we didn’t spend on the house improvements our savings would still only be £1.7k / month so not enough to send both. Our mortgage is £1500/month currently. Out of interest, can i ask how much you put in to savings/ fees after bills etc. I’m just wondering where we could cut back.

I think you’d be surprised at how many grandparents pay school fees. It’s very common.

At our school there is a mix of scholarship kids, very wealthy/high earners and then others with grandparents paying fees as an efficient inheritance tax strategy.
There is also a fees in advance scheme if you’ve got a lump sum to spend, but thats less attractive now interest rates have risen.

We earn a fraction of what you do and we have family help. My parents were very very parsimonious when I was growing up and we had very little. Now they have substantial savings/pensions and we all agree that school fees are a far better way to spend it than inheritance tax.

I know every family’s finances are different, but I’m surprised you can’t imagine affording it on that combined salary. At the school my kids go to there are many, many parents who are certainly on less and don’t have family help, but live in modest houses, go on very modest holidays etc. If you can’t afford it, it’s not about “affording” so much as that you prefer to arrange your finances differently, which is fine.

We’re wondering whether to try for the grammars and if one doesn’t get in we send one to private and if both don’t then we move

This sounds sensible to me

To be brutally honest, my husband alone earns more than your combined salary. No family help, no scholarships, no loans.
We currently have 2 children in private primary.
As above, some people earn more than others.

Assuming your £130k income figure is gross, and assuming that it’s split roughly equally between both parents, your net income will be around £8000 per month. With school fees of £2000, you’re left with £6000 per month. I think it’s fair to say that the majority of families could manage on £6000 a month. There’ll be plenty of people at private school in similar positions.

Others at private school will be earning a lot more, others a lot less (and might have bursaries). Others are helped by family members.

We earn similar, I met DH at 21 and we’ve religiously saved about £800 - £2k a month (increased as our incomes did).

Compound interest has been our friend and now in our 30s we have £100k invested and we’re 11 years off secondary.

We live in a grammar school area but we could afford private if grammar doesn’t work out.

We also live in the NW so private school is about £15k a year.

I think it would be worth trying for the grammars - as your dc is above expected at the moment, then lots of practice (and mentoring support to overcome anxiety for the exams, coupled with taking the pressure off by saying it is just an option on the table, not the be-all and end-all). Keeping your child happy and focussed is probably the key in this case. Lots of practice of question types, and lots of practice for the timing, and to give them stamina to do an hour, break, then an hour (or whatever the exam set-up is).

Finding a good alternative school (either state or private) that they would be happy to go to also helps take pressure off / reduce anxiety on the day. And to be honest, tuition outside of school can also help them feel confident for year 6 and secondary school, so it is not wasted.
ps - all of the above is assuming that the two grammars in your area are not super-selective??

Only one child
OH is a higher earner
I also work
We live pretty frugally, drive older cars, holiday in the UK.

We got together older but similar approach and also paid off the mortgage , spend loads on holidays but other than that frugal. We also haven’t spent more in line with increasing salaries. Daughter got into grammar but if she hadn’t we’d have gone private. No help from parents with house deposit we just saved, accepting difference in prices. North west also so cheaper private .

Agree with others, what are you spending your money on? If you have £8k net a month as a pp has suggested, and a mortgage if £1500 then you could surely find £2-3k fees? That would still leave £3500 pm for other expenses - a lot more than a lot of ppl.

But ppl afford private through grandparents, earning more, spending v little, inheritance. Most people don’t afford it tho.

Also most ppl don’t live in a grammar area and send their dc to perfectly good comprehensives.

I suggest you move to such an area to avoid the woeful sec mods. I grew up in a grammar area and would never live in one with dc. Btw your local grammar schools, unless they are fee paying, are state schools too.

What is so bad about the state secondaries near you? Have you had a proper look/researched or hearsay? I would do that first.

If they are that bad I’d move house. Private school isn’t the be all and end all. Our kids are early 20s now and their privately educated friends haven’t ended up in particularly better unis and jobs than the state kids, despite all that money being spent on their education. I’d rather help mine onto the housing ladder.

I’m at a loss to what you’re spending your money on. You said 30k on the house over 4 years is ‘a lot ’ of your money, and stopped you saving as much as normal, but you earned 520k in that time? That’s a small fraction of your money. Equivalant to the ‘small’ amount you said you spend on holidays. I think you need to have a real look at your outgoings if this is important to you. You must have around 8-9k net income a month? With 2k school fees and 1.5k mortgage, you’d have more money leftover than most?..by a lot.

Most people don’t spend £4K a year on a holiday - but that’s still only a smallish chunk of your earnings.
You either need to cut back on things (cars on finance? Expensive Sky / mobile contracts?) or send them to state schools.

we have a small house in a not brilliant area, ancient cars, work a job and a half each and rarely go on holiday (we haven't be abroad for 15 years). In our case private due to SEN was the only option for two of our children hence the sacrifices. Our income is slightly less than yours but we have four children, live in the south east & both have professional jobs with freelance on the side for comparison.

Grammar schools are state schools.

I'm not sure how your plan to move if both don't get in will work - unless you have twins (which your post suggests not) then you won't know that both haven't got in until the second tries by which point your oldest will be settled in secondary school and you won't want to move them. Plus by the time they've taken the 11+ you will have very limited time to move before school admissions have to be in.

If you're saving 1.7K now, surely there are more savings to be made on our income? Childcare is probbaly a big one. Plus you presumably have a savings pot already built up?

We think she would be cannon fodder in the local state schools
This is really common feeling for parents of first time secondary parents. You see those big teenagers loitering around and feel terrified at the idea of those being their school collegues. But the truth is, she would probably be just fine. It's good for them to learn to cope with all kinds of people from all kinds of backgrounds and 11 year olds are incredibly resilient.

Our house (newly renovated when we bought it) has taken up a lot of our spending for the last 4 years (around £30k) after finding issues but we’re almost at an end with that and plan to sell.
If you're planning on selling anyway, why not make the move to an area with more evenly good state provision? at one stroke you could wipe out all the worry of dodgy state schools / competitive grammar entry / private costs.

That’s a good point! A year 4 child (so 8/9) is very different from an 11 year old. We all have worries about secondary school and how they’ll cope but the vast majority settle well. They do seem little at first but grow up considerably in the first term.