Is this fair?

[Friendsof5]

I’m a SAHM

4 kids 2 adult with ASD and metal health.

Im officially a carer and have PTSD due to previous trauma from a child and relationships since.

i would have difficulty working and trying to set up a small bus which is very slowly getting there but I’m not making money yet.

my adult children need a lot of support and my time is taken up caring for them and taking them to appointments organising education which is at home as they are SEN

my younger children are primary age and life is full on.

husband earns good money.

he has a physical job

we are older parents and he is very tired from work.

i struggle with housework as im busy with kids, one has daily appointments for their MH so im committed to taking them there and back and have to hang around whilst they are in the appointment

my husband does the bare minimum when he gets home from work. Does not wash up, tidy, cook but will when asked help with homework and occasionally with showering the youngest before bed. I most nights cook for him, wash his clothes etc

he gives me food money weekly which isn’t enough and I have to ask for this sometimes many times until he gives me it. I top up the shopping with my money.

he pays the bigger household bills and I pay tv and internet water that kind of thing.

he gave me shopping money, and st this time had a big bill for our family car. He went to shop and is asking for the money for the food he bought as he had given me food money. I am posing the bill for the car, I pay for running the car, tax, diesel etc. he has his vehicle for work. So my point is he’s not paying for everything and I’m not working and finding it hard.

i don’t ask often for money for kids trips, dinner money or anything else but now and again he helps.

I do get carers allowance and child benefits but I am reliant on him and find he is tight with money. But happy to splash out on meals out or gifts which is nice but not great when I’m struggling to make money last.

He is difficult to talk to and I don’t know if I’m in the wrong for expecting him to contribute more with helping at home, he does a mad tidy now and again makes me feel bad as he does so much so quickly and financially is he being controlling?

I feel financially I’m trapped and he’s not supportive of me working or starting a business he mocks my attempts

The therapies DC are receiving should be in their EHCPs, which I presume they have if they have EOTAS, therefore they should be receiving transport. OP cannot be compelled to deliver, facilitate or organise EOTAS provision.

Ffs. He is WORKING in a physical job, supporting them all. Men can’t win, can they.

Is everything in your world black or white?

This is incorrect therapy is provided by NHS. Because they are very unwell it is daily but this is unusual annd we anre very fortunate, and NOT through EHCP. I have to take them as due to their ASD. And mental health they will not go without me.

Doesn’t mean he can’t help out with looking after his children or cleaning up

He also doesn’t have to treat her like a child and give her ‘pocket money’ for food he’s a financial abuser

Oh my. This is financial abuse, OP.

Finally someone else said it hallelujah

I would still like to know WHY the op chose to have so many's children with this man?

Or was he much more supportive and shared his money with you when you had just one or two children??

My partner doesn’t treat me like a child or a slave no

No, it is not incorrect. Therapies should be in F of the EHCP.

You said DC get taxis, they can have taxis for the provision as part of their EHCP. If you want to take on the transport you can receive mileage.

I suggest you have a look at ISPEA and SOSSEN to learn about EHCPs.

I was independent before things got like this children gradually got unwell

But the op is allowing it to happen. Why stay with him and have FOUR children together??

Your reply told me I was right.

Yes they are but the local authority does not fund or provide it as I say this is done by NHS

Maybe she’s got no confidence to leave maybe she doesn’t want to disrupt her disabled children’s lives?

Even if the therapies are provided by the NHS the LA is ultimately responsible for the provision in F and transport can be provided.

OP, please use the quote function, not reply. It’s very confusing when your replies aren’t connected to the post you’re responding to. Click the 3 dots and choose quote.

You can think what you like

Again, who are you replying to?? You are very confusing, you need to quote people.

I wonder if starting a separate post in the SEN forum might help you access more support for your DC.. As I said, I know nothing about SEN. Perhaps you are getting all you can, but it seems complex.

Can you make a list of things to do that would help? For example:
-Request early reviews of EHCPs because they currently aren’t meeting DC’s needs.
-Request (and appeal when/if refused) transport (or mileage if you prefer).
-Request social care assessments.
-Depending on needs, look at CHC funding.
-If eligible, DC, or you if you are their appointee, apply for UC.
-Investigate hospital transport or travel costs via healthcare travel costs scheme.

😂😂

Dont you think that the OP would have done that months ago if she could?
Talk about minimising the struggles of SN children/teens

Maybe because
1- it didn’t start like this
2- the issues with the older children weren’t as obvious when they were little
3- because her self esteem has been destroyed over the years.
Basically all the same reasons why women end up in abusive relationships and struggle to get out
Does it need to be repeated again?

Sorry, I don't think I have minimised anyone's struggles @BlueSkyBlueLife It's very difficult to understand OP's position given short, confusing responses that don;t use the quote function. And she did say they help when MN allows. She didn;t mention autism in her first post.

MH allows. Not MN!