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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

In shock, just another one

636 replies

fairygodmotherto3 · 08/07/2010 14:38

I've changed my name for this, please don't shout troll at me, I feel too stunned about this myself. Someone dropped a letter through the door at lunchtime, no idea who, from my dh. Says he's not coming home, he's leaving me because I'VE been having an affair! It said he'd suspected for a while but couldn't take any more. I haven't, no secret meetings, no even mildly interesting texts, no idea when I'd have time to anyway. Tried phoning him, no answer and daren't phone his work, I don't know what to do. I thought we were ok, probably not the perfect marriage but ticking along alright. Got to pick up dd's soon, what do I tell them? Feel so sick and dizzy.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 08/07/2010 14:39

text him and give him 10 minutes to reply or you call work.

Hullygully · 08/07/2010 14:40

Don't tell them anything. What's the point? It's someone playing silly buggers.

GypsyMoth · 08/07/2010 14:41

yes,how can you be sure its from him??

solo · 08/07/2010 14:42

Was the letter written by your Dh or by someone on behalf of him?

Prosecco · 08/07/2010 14:42

I agree with Hullygully.... but was it his handwriting?

fairygodmotherto3 · 08/07/2010 14:43

I really can't call his work, I know the receptionist and she'd be chatty and I couldn't handle it. The letter's his handwriting, I just don't know who put it through the door, he's at work - as far as I know so couldn't have.

OP posts:
potplant · 08/07/2010 14:44

Are you 100% sure its from him and not someone trying to wind you up?

Can you email him at work?

StealthPolarBear · 08/07/2010 14:44

this is someone causing trouble
Call your DH at work and say you have had a nasty letter and are feeling shaken.

StealthPolarBear · 08/07/2010 14:44

letter is his handwriting?

GypsyMoth · 08/07/2010 14:45

you have to call him....

Mumfun · 08/07/2010 14:46

yes def have to speak to him. Sorry youre going through this

fairygodmotherto3 · 08/07/2010 14:47

Don't know his work email, I've just phoned again and left a message, probably the 10th one, telling him to phone me, I think anyway, I can't think straight.

OP posts:
Hullygully · 08/07/2010 14:47

Has he gone mad?

Prosecco · 08/07/2010 14:48

Can you turn up at his work.

If it was him, he is a coward and deserves any akward embarrassment he gets by you turning up. All of his colleagues deserve to know.

If it was not him, he will be able to confirm it and comfort you after a horrendous shock.

fairygodmotherto3 · 08/07/2010 14:49

And if anyone guesses my regular name please don't 'out' me, if this is real I don't have any idea how to tell anyone.

OP posts:
ShirleyKnot · 08/07/2010 14:49

Bloody hellfire.

You're going to have to call his work. If the receptionists starts chatting just say "I'm sorry, Rectionistlady, but this is an urgent call, please put me straight through"

(My XH left accusing me of an affair, it was actually him who was putting the boots to anything that moved)

BigGreenBin · 08/07/2010 14:50

Did he take extra clothing or anything else with him this morning? How was he when he left? Had you had a dingdong?

thighsmadeofcheddar · 08/07/2010 14:50

Did he take anything with him extra to work this morning? Toiletries bag, extra clothes, passport etc?

fairygodmotherto3 · 08/07/2010 14:51

It's a 40-min drive and I'm not sure I can drive at the moment, and I need to get dd's. He's never done anything remotely like this before, I don't want it to be real but can't understand it either way.

OP posts:
Bacofoil · 08/07/2010 14:51

He is counting on you not phoning him at work.

So phone him.

Hullygully · 08/07/2010 14:51

If this has really come completely and utterly out of the blue, then he really has gone mad.

StealthPolarBear · 08/07/2010 14:51

has he behaved oddly in any way up until now?

StealthPolarBear · 08/07/2010 14:52

any chance he's having an affair?

potplant · 08/07/2010 14:53

I like Prosecco's idea but I don't think I would do it myself with two DCs in tow.

How horrible for you

Prosecco · 08/07/2010 14:53

You need to get someone else to pick up your dds and either get him on the phone or get someone to drive you to see him.

You really must.

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