Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

In shock, just another one

636 replies

fairygodmotherto3 · 08/07/2010 14:38

I've changed my name for this, please don't shout troll at me, I feel too stunned about this myself. Someone dropped a letter through the door at lunchtime, no idea who, from my dh. Says he's not coming home, he's leaving me because I'VE been having an affair! It said he'd suspected for a while but couldn't take any more. I haven't, no secret meetings, no even mildly interesting texts, no idea when I'd have time to anyway. Tried phoning him, no answer and daren't phone his work, I don't know what to do. I thought we were ok, probably not the perfect marriage but ticking along alright. Got to pick up dd's soon, what do I tell them? Feel so sick and dizzy.

OP posts:
solo · 08/07/2010 16:47

When I changed the locks I was told I wasn't allowed to and to give him the spares, so it was a huge expense for no reason.

Mouseface · 08/07/2010 16:47

This is so random.........

If he knew this morning that he wouldn't be back tonight, why not take his toothbrush at the very least?

He was going to tell you via his mate and/or a letter that he wouldn't be back so no reason to 'hide' the fact by not taking a few essentials.

Completely odd.

And fucking selfish to boot! What about your DDs?

StealthPolarBear · 08/07/2010 16:48

oh right, thanks for clearing that up solo

shimmerysilverglitter · 08/07/2010 16:49

I bet a million bucks he is the one having the affair.

Has WhenwillIfeelnormal posted yet because she might be able to explain a bit about his reasoning if he is having an affair, although this seems like an incredibly extreme example of how some men behave when they have met someone else.

I would be going to his work I am afraid and would have phoned already.

This is totally unacceptable don't allow him to bully you into thinking anything different.

Cowardly fucker.

usualsuspect · 08/07/2010 16:49

I would definitely ring his work ..how can he leave you hanging like this

BrightLightBrightLight · 08/07/2010 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Mouseface · 08/07/2010 16:49

Solo - spot on, especially if the house is in joint or his name.

Shame.

countingto10 · 08/07/2010 16:50

Fairygodmother I had no idea my DH was having an affair, he had a 2nd phone etc. He did exactly what your H has done to you, told me he didn't want to be with me, needed a few days away to get his "space" and went refusing to say where he was going, all done in about 5 minutes flat. I was completely stunned, couldn't think straight, had no idea things were THAT bad, as I said before nobody knew anything except for one "mate" who lied through his teeth for him.

Please phone your PIL and mum and dad and let them know what is going on, have you got any sibling to call on (my Dsis was wonderful helping out with the DC). You are in shock so be gentle on yourself.

BrightLightBrightLight · 08/07/2010 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

littlecritter · 08/07/2010 16:54

Definitely an OW in my opinion. My XP's departure was equally swift so I know how you feel. That was 6 days ago. Come back for some support.

Prick 1 and Prick 2, Dr Seuss style.

Mouseface · 08/07/2010 16:55

Littlecritter

Love the Dr Seuss line!

saintmom · 08/07/2010 16:55

you said before that his said friend was bit funny, maybe hes the one that has been feeding your dh the bullshit?

if it was me would have phone rage phoning him and phoning his works, would have gone to his works and left dds with the neighbour.

I would not be sitting back i would be in there fighting, as he has no right to do this to you or your dds, if he wouldnt talk i and denied an affair on his part i would be on the phone to his parents to let them know what a delightfull son they have. the weekend i would be out the whole time.

BalloonSlayer · 08/07/2010 16:56

Poor you

Def phone his parents before he starts telling them lies.

gagamama · 08/07/2010 16:58

I haven't any words of wisdom but I just wanted to add that this is so extraordinarily cowardly. Everything from writing the letter, to getting a friend to post it, to refusing all contact, to blaming you for an imaginary affair and therefore his actions... it's absolutely beyond belief.

Your DDs will probably be thrilled with crisps and jaffa cakes for dinner, don't worry about that. Make sure you eat something too, I know it's the last thing you feel like doing.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 08/07/2010 16:59

Gawd, FG, so sorry you're having to go through this shite. I have to say that I would be very suspicious that he can just leave for a couple of days without taking anything. It suggests he has somewhere to go

DeFluffy · 08/07/2010 16:59

second the phone his parents, this is totally unacceptable behaviour. what a twat to do that to you and your dc

EleanorHandbasket · 08/07/2010 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

countingto10 · 08/07/2010 17:01

If it is what my DH did to me, there is some OW putting enormous pressure on him to leave you, he hasn't got the balls to tell her no (or thinks she is potential bunny boiler material and he is worried she will turn up on your doorstep), it's easier to create a reason to leave you and he gets to go to her and keep her sweet. My DH now can't believe the situation he got himself into, in fact all of it was quite unbelieveable. If he doesn't tell you where he is staying, you will have your answer I'm afraid.

His vile behaviour would also suggest an OW, someone goading him etc.

countingto10 · 08/07/2010 17:03

BTW my DH got to MIL first, told her I was so cold towards him that he had to leave me - strange because we had a very good sex life

Original poster
fairygodmotherto3 · 08/07/2010 17:05

Got up some guts to phone his work - managed to speak to him, he was really short and kept saying we could talk about it later, I start shouting and crying, not sure what I said, must have sounded half hysterical, he was just really cold, he's not usually the gushiest person but far colder than normal. He's staying in a hotel until he gets a flat, there's no other woman but he said something to the effect of maybe we should both move on because I'm not putting much into the marriage and now he doesn't feel like picking up the slack! He's apparently put 2+2 together and realised I'm having an affair, or affairS! I ranted about the dd's, he said he'd still come and see them 'of course' and we could sort things out 'another time'. It's like suddenly being in another world.

Neighbour has told me to go to bed and is making lasagna from scratch, which is better than I do on a normal day, so may go but at the moment can't even sit still let alone lie down. House is in both names so can't do anything to it, joint bank account - no idea what to do there. He said he's going to ring his family this evening and not to myself

OP posts:
saintmom · 08/07/2010 17:07

bloody cheek, phone them now get in there before he does and explain everything.

jooseyfruit · 08/07/2010 17:08

bollocks. you phone them first. who the fuck does he think he is?

countingto10 · 08/07/2010 17:08

That's the line "Maybe we should both move on" - it suggests he already has ......

My DH said that to me, to go and find someone else. Has he given you the name of the hotel ?

saintmom · 08/07/2010 17:08

sorry should also add so you can them your side of the story as from him they will only hear his side

InmyheadIminParis · 08/07/2010 17:09

Oh god. Poor poor you. If the neighbour's there, can you go and meet him at work? Try to get him to come home and both phone Relate urgently?

Swipe left for the next trending thread