In shock, just another one

[fairygodmotherto3]

I've changed my name for this, please don't shout troll at me, I feel too stunned about this myself. Someone dropped a letter through the door at lunchtime, no idea who, from my dh. Says he's not coming home, he's leaving me because I'VE been having an affair! It said he'd suspected for a while but couldn't take any more. I haven't, no secret meetings, no even mildly interesting texts, no idea when I'd have time to anyway. Tried phoning him, no answer and daren't phone his work, I don't know what to do. I thought we were ok, probably not the perfect marriage but ticking along alright. Got to pick up dd's soon, what do I tell them? Feel so sick and dizzy.

Call him at work. You don't need to chat to the receptionist.

Have you had any other concerns about his behaviour generally?

Its just that I was talking to another mum at school recently (not a close friend but I know her and her DH well enough) and her DH sounds as if hes having a breakdown, doing really uncharacteristic things, being really nasty, saying how much he hates her, can't be in the same room etc. It had all come out of the blue. The only explanation we could come to was that it sounded like a breakdown of some sort.

If I haven't heard back after the school run I might have to try and phone the reception. I haven't even checked if anything's gone, didn't even occur to me, everything seemed normal this morning, just the usual mad rush.

I don't think you should actually go to his work.

Call him. Call him right now before you get the girls. Can you get a friend to pick them up for you? Just say you've just suddenly started puking or something.

yuck, I bet this is a malicious thing, try not to worry yet.

I think he's having an affair too.

Sorry.

OK, this is probably someone trying to make trouble, so don't make it worse by acting as though he's done something wrong.

Either it's a malicious thing, or he's the one having the affair and is trying to get out of the relationship by blaming you. Do you think that's possible?

I reckon it is probably the first one tbh

Have you someon in rl who could be with you just now.

This is a hell of a shock, however it turns out.

I would have to call him at work and ask WTF was going on! If it helps at all, I once had a phonecall from a woman claiming she was sleeping with DH. Interestingly, she couldn't tell me his name....

it's in his writing!

Sorry if I don't reply to anyone, having trouble keeping up - it's definitely his handwriting though so not someone else pretending. Don't know anyone free to pick dds up at this short notice - going to walk to the school in a minute, need some air anyway. If it was a breakdown could he just have gone to a normal day's work?

Oh God, how awful for you.

Please don't drive for 40 minutes to his place of work. Not when you are so shaken.

Go get your DDs but tell them nothing, try to act like 'business as usual' with them. Easy for me to say, I know.

Do you think he'll call you back? Does he usually call you back if you call to speak to him and have to leave a message?

Was it definitely his writing? It could be a stupid kids joke or a malicious neighbour. Try not panic, get someone else to collect the dc. Phone/drive to his work and find out what is going on.

I know you've said it the letter was in your DH's handwriting but does it read like he's written it iykwim ? Could it just be a very good forgery - clutching at straws I know but can't come up with any other explanation.
Could you phone your MIL and say you're worried and does she know anything ?

fg you're being very strong

ooh good idea to phone your MIL.
or a friend of his??

Jesus, I missed that bit SPB.

fairy - call him at work. The fucking great coward. Call him.

I'll fucking call him

How horrible for you I hope you get some answers soon.

Haven't a clue if he could be having an affair - I've done what probably loads of people have on here and sympathised with all the affair threads relieved it wasn't me but now I haven't got a clue. Keep trying to make sense of it, work out who he could think I was having an affiar with.

Have you checked wardrobes/toiletries anything else he would be likely to take ?

Shirley, do calm down.

I have another idea, do nothing. Say nothing to the dds, don't phone his work and don't do anything. It will baffle him and he'll have to contact you. You can then say, well obviously it was such arrant rubbish I just put it in th ebin.

Flush him out.

any of his belongings missing?? passport?

I remember feeling what you're feeling fairy.

Right, get the children, plot them up in front of a DVD or something.

Do you want to wait to see if he comes home or not?

Are you sure he is at work?

can you get a friend to cll his work and hand over the phone for you? do you have anyone there for you?

Don't hate his MIL but don't get on with her closely enough to try and explain, she'd probably think I was overreacting! Definitely his handwriting as far as I can tell, or a very very good forgery. I feel like I'm being anything but strong, can't even get his work number up on the phone before wimping out. Sorry, will have to go to school but will be back on when I can, thanky ou for the posts, don't feel like I'm going mental totally alone.