In shock, just another one

[fairygodmotherto3]

I've changed my name for this, please don't shout troll at me, I feel too stunned about this myself. Someone dropped a letter through the door at lunchtime, no idea who, from my dh. Says he's not coming home, he's leaving me because I'VE been having an affair! It said he'd suspected for a while but couldn't take any more. I haven't, no secret meetings, no even mildly interesting texts, no idea when I'd have time to anyway. Tried phoning him, no answer and daren't phone his work, I don't know what to do. I thought we were ok, probably not the perfect marriage but ticking along alright. Got to pick up dd's soon, what do I tell them? Feel so sick and dizzy.

He is probably in shock because your reaction is not one of begging and pleading him to come back.
So in his mind you have 'rejected' him and men can't handle rejection.

Now then what you have to do when you see him face to face is what a business colleague told me when I first went employed - I now do this to people that are trying to walk all over me but I don't want to have to justify or explain myself and it works every time.

next time he comes out with some crap like whether YOU want to make it permenant...

You say nothing. Put your head slightly to one side and stare at him with an intelligent but puzzled look. Then without moving your gaze, just slowly shake your head. Then turn and walk away.

It always leaves people going 'but, but....!' and makes the recipient of the look feel very very small.

Others are right on here. He caused this.

He expected the door to his possible return to be kept open by means of a begging pleading fgof3 desperate to have him back. And if he had come back on those terms, he would have used every opportunity to keep you in your place because YOU had an affair but he came back.

Fliberty

Have you worked predominantly with fuckwits men?

Loving the head tilt, and is something I use myself. The quizical look always helps.

Clearly, you are well practised in 'the tilt'.

I find it very effective mostly because I loose every speck of assertiveness and confident when dealing with pushy hard selling men at networking meetings.

It was another self employed lady taught me how to do it!

Funny cause if I post at all on mumsnet these days its usually on threads where an abused woman is the OP.

Then reading this thread I felt like I was pretty well up on twunts in general

(My dp is fab. But you know what they say, you have to have worn horsehair before you can really appreciate silk).

Fairygodmother you just practise that head tilt and staring at him like he's a complete loser (shouldn't be hard!!).

Hey fairy, I hope you are doing ok, and have been able to come on here to re-read the affirmations, and Betty's awesome post.

I hope your 'grills' are enjoying the summer holidays and you have been able to enjoy it with them.

Lovie, when is your appointment at the GUM clinic? Have you made the appointment? Or did you do that already at the GP? Think it's important to know, as much as you dislike that sort of thing.

Have you been able to talk to friends/family about what Mr McTwat has done? I think that will be really useful to have that support newtwork around you.

Hope you have made lovely relaxing plans for the weekend. Take care xxx

MF,

Careful where you dive...your elbows nearly made me soprano and cough up a lung.....

Betty.

I am a lurker and the support on MN never ceases to amaze me.I have been busy for a few days and just wondered how everything was going ?

I ve been following this thread for some time now, just wanted to send you some love and big hugs >

fairy hope you are ok. is a terrible thing you are going through but you will get through it. believe me he will not be always as "reasonable" as he has been, sooner or later he will realise that you are standing up to him long term and he will shit himself! he is such a tosser.

Let me know and I will send some of my brothers round to him - put manners on him the W*nker!

Deb

I lost track of you for a few days, but have been thinking about you so much recently and hoping that things are getting better.

I hope you and your girls are getting a chance to chill now the summer holidays are here, even if it's just a break from your normal routine.

Hi Fairy.

I have been offline for a while but you have been in my thoughts.

I hope you are coping OK.