In shock, just another one

[fairygodmotherto3]

I've changed my name for this, please don't shout troll at me, I feel too stunned about this myself. Someone dropped a letter through the door at lunchtime, no idea who, from my dh. Says he's not coming home, he's leaving me because I'VE been having an affair! It said he'd suspected for a while but couldn't take any more. I haven't, no secret meetings, no even mildly interesting texts, no idea when I'd have time to anyway. Tried phoning him, no answer and daren't phone his work, I don't know what to do. I thought we were ok, probably not the perfect marriage but ticking along alright. Got to pick up dd's soon, what do I tell them? Feel so sick and dizzy.

Yeah that's a good idea. Check for documents missing. Bank cards, credit cards, passport, statements.

Toiletries - razor, toothbrush.

Is he on any meds - are they there?

This can't have just come out of the blue. He must have planned it. At least since last night. You don't just go to work and decide you are not coming home. Unless he really has gone mad

It could be that he has written it, but maybe because someone has been feeding him ideas about you having an affair.

Or, as many others have said, he could indeed be having an affair, but projecting some (however tainted) blame to you.

Or, he could be having a breakdown.

Either way, he is a coward and you deserve a face to face discussion with him.

Check and see what he ahs taken foem the house.

He may have booked a day off work.

There is every chance he carefully chose when to give you the letter as he knew you would have to deal with the girls and wouldnt be able to speak to him.

I am beginnin to think he may not be at his work.

If you cant contact him soon, you must contact people he knows who could tell you where he is.

thats what i wondered prosecco - drip feeding by someone else

Gosh how awful. Sorry fg. Can you phone your MIL? Get her to call her son? This is absurd. Don't be frightened, have heart dear. I really hope this is just a prank. (Yeah I know it's his handwriting but fgs, this is just bizarr.)

Keep us posted. I'd definitely call his work. If he's on leave today then you're one step further along (althugh if it is from him, he's not going to be coming home, so I think you should call his mum later this evening to see if she knows anything

do you have anyone you can call to be with you?

And get someone to be with you- keeping it normal for the girls will be easier if there is someone else with you.

my heart goes out to you, hope this is just some stupid joke!

I dont have anything constructive to add.

Just want to say I am really sorry this is happening.

You are doing really well. This will be sorted out one way or an other.

You HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING WRONG.

I wish you well and hope everything comes right really soon.

When my OH came out of the army (straight from the first Gulf War). His brother told him I had been sleeping around. It was totally untrue.

But he was so shocked and angered he reacted in a similar way to your OH. He phoned me and said it was over and slammed the phone down.

He wouldnt answer calls etc for about 3 days. I was frantic. He did calm down and was able to see it was a load of old rubbish.

Sometimes people say horrible things. I still dont know why my BIL decided to make that crap up. Maybe someone has told your OH a pack of lies and he has just gone a bit mad?

He has to talk to you at some point.

Have you called him yet?

If it was me, I'd phone his mother and tell her what you know(which isn't much).
When exp did the dirty on me, he went on holiday with ow the next day so I rang his Mum and told her everything. She never told him I had to see what he'd say, in fact, he took over 6 months to actually tell her we 'weren't together'. I told her so that she'd know it wasn't my doing, I could just imagine him blaming me. She kept me in the loop with a few things too.

TBH it does sound as if either someone is pretending to be your DH and trying to upset you, or someone has been talking to your DH to upset him.
I can understand why you are so upset but dump the kids in front of the telly and try not to panic. What time is he usually home?

FG - hope you are OK , I hope this all turns out to be just a sick joke .

Oh you poor thing. Do whatever you need to do to stay strong and cope. Wishing you all the best during this scary and difficult time.

You need to try and get hold of your DH. My DH did something similar, said he wasn't coming home, nobody knew where he was, his mum, mates etc. Turns out he was with OW unfortunately.

If it was him that wrote the letter, he's given himself an excuse not to come home which is a bit considering you have DC. If he truly believed you were having an affair, wouldn't he come home and confront you, throw you out of the house maybe. It all seems very, very strange.

The truth will out eventually, all will become clear ........

Keep strong.

Back from school now - I chickened out of saying anything to the girls and told them I wasn't feeling very well, have let one have dh's pc and one the tv, and dinner so far is looking like crisps and jaffa cakes. Still couldn't face phoning dh's work but phoned his best friend, he lives a few streets away and I had a suspicion that looks to be right. He said he dropped the letter off, dh gave it to him this morning before work (friend works from home) and told him to give it to me whenever he had time! Friend was really quiet about it all, he's quiet anyway but got the impression he didn't want anything to do with it, bit late now! Feel sick now but cross too, maybe an improvement. Dh apparently 'fed up with living with' me. Friend did agree to phone dh for me though, when I started crying, friend phoned back a minute later to matter of factly say dh wouldn't be home tonight but would come at weekend to discuss it!

Checked bedroom just before going - not sure if any clothes are gone, wallet and phone are but would be anyway, can't find passport but not sure where he puts his anyway, no toiletries or anything gone. This is mad. Neighbour of mine has come over to drink wine/chat, couldn't face speaking to any family, feel in a daze. May be in and out.

is there anything at all on the pc that could give you a clue to why this is happening?

How strange. What a twat. If I was you I woudl be seriously pissed off and I would be planning a weekend away. For this weekend. How dare he just leave you sat wondering what the hell is going on like that

So sorry you are having to cope with this.

Be prepared for an OW to be on the scene, no man leaves a comfortable family home without someone waiting in the wings. If the marriage was having problems, surely you discuss it with your spouse, you don't effectively abandon them which is what he has done to you.

Are you having money problems, is he having severe stress at work maybe (clutching at straws for you)

Oh dear, so sorry to hear that, its so strange I don't know what to think - midlife crisis springs to mind but what on earth does he think you are supposed to tell the children.
I know you said you weren't close to your MIL but if she lives near enough I'd ring and at least ask her for some practical help with the children.

Bloody Hell.

wtf? what a man

Bloody Men Shirely!