Oh F*ck! What have I done? [sad]

[CompletelyShocked]

Namechanged for this.

After being treated like shit by men for all of my life, I finally met the man of my dreams 2 years ago on a dating site. He moved in not long after we met, we get on brilliantly, he adores my DD, his family have taken myself and my DD on as their own etc...

Our wedding is all booked for next year in Cyprus, lots of family and friends booked to come with us - brilliant, life couldnt get any better!

Until yesterday, for some reason, I put his old username from the dating site into Google - and up came a Transsexual Dating site. I tried to view the profile of this member on the site but had to register to do so. So I did. There's no name on there but hometown, height, starsign, birthday etc. all match with DP . I then sent him a message from my new account on there just asking how he was doing and why he didnt have any pictures on there. He replied this morning (after getting up for work) that he needed to be discreet and was a bit shy.

I have replied again but he's at work all day so not sure he'll get on to reply (if it is DP!).

I'm pretty sure it is though, my heart is racing. What have I done? What if it is him? How do i bring this up with him? Maybe I shouldn't have snooped? Please help.

did you have any suspicions?
you must have done to google his username i spose.
how horrible for you.

Wait to see how it unfolds before you tell him and then if it's not him I would never never tell him.

Well you have to bring it up.

I think you need to stop sending the messages and talk to him.

You don't need to justify why you looked, but if you want to, just say that you felt something wasn't right and had an uneasy feeling.

Is it clear that he IS a transsexual, or he is simply interested in dating one?

No, thats the thing, I didnt really have any real suspicions. I'm quite insecure because of the awful past I've had and I dont even know what made me google it, but I wish I hadnt now

Thing is I dont know how he's getting onto the site, he doesnt use the laptop, I checked his Ipod this morning and there were no traces on there so I can only think he must be using his phone? I suppose i still don't know for sure that it is him, maybe i'm getting myself all worked up for nothing!

No, it does say on there that he isnt a Transsexual he's just interested in 'an encounter' with one - not sure if thats better or worse tbh

it probably isnt him then.

does he have access to computer at work?
it would hardley be somethign you woudl access at the library or other public places anyway would it.

Well if you are very unsure as to whether it is him, maybe you shouldn't say anything.

Hopefully it isn't even him. Plenty of people could choose the same username.

He does have access to a computer at work, yes.

You're right plenty of people could have chosen that username but it's all the other things on his profile which point to him. Surely it would be too much of a coincidence for somebody else who lives in the same county, with the same starsign, same height, eyecolour etc. to choose that username?

Should I leave it then and not send any more messages? Or try and find out if it is him?

I'm sorry but if it's the same username and a load of the same details then it would be a huge huge coincidence if it wasn't him

x-posted Stealth.

If i bring this up with him, he is likely to just deny all knowledge. And I dont have any real proof - there's no photos or anything on his profile

ok
that his height, hometown, birthday etc match up with your dp and his old username for a dating site
tis him

please don't try to trap him into anything
apologise for snooping
discuss this with him calmly to try to see what is going on

i know...tricky one
you need some way to get irrefutable proof
thinking...

and what sort of relationship would you have if you admitted to your snooping?
how difficult for you.

x post madness
sorry

but what if he just denies?

you either admit
or you ignore, in which case you will forever wonder.gah

could you live with a secret transexual?

or you find another question to ask to sort it uot, not sure what#

you could just ask him IRL what he thinks of transsexuals - his face might give it away

It's very hard, our relationship has always been excellent. Infact we have never had an argument! We have had small disagreements as would be expected but we dont ever argue. Until now..

I really dont think he is TS, i think he just likes them. Maybe he just joined to look at the photos on there? I have to confess that in my last message to him (to which he hasnt yet replied), I asked if he would be up for meeting. I am so hoping he says no.

I dont think he has met anybody either, he is always either at work, at home with me or we're round friends/family houses. He has never had any opportunity to meet anybody.

i think instead of skirting around it you need to gather all your courage
print out the information
sit him down and tell him what you've found and ask him to explain

don't be angry but also don't allow him to pretend it isn't him
let him know only honesty will work for you, especially given your past exp.

after that it's up for you both to decide

Set up a date. At least then you'll know one way or the other.

not an entrapment, you need honesty.

I would follow this lead until it's conclusion. You need to know and suspicions could ruin your relationship anyway, you may as well find out if it's him.

Why not entrapment?

I think you need to have a think about whether you can live with a TS and you need to come clean.